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Hi I'm an ENFJ and new to these forums; but I wanted to get opinions on extreme highs and lows which seem to characterise my life.

I notice that when I'm happy in one aspect of life (romance) then all other areas fall into place (work, family) but when I'm unhappy with one aspect (work) then all other areas suffer too. How do other ENFJs stop this from happening? I'm currently struggling in the corporate world because apparently I'm too "sensitive" and "personalise everything" and as a result, I've taken it out on my INFJ boyfriend by becoming 'needy' and 'clingy'. This then triggers a cycle of harsh self-criticism leading to depression. Honestly if I could choose to be more rational than emotional, then I would - but some people don't seem to understand that it's difficult to alter your first response/instinct (Fe).
 

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@catrabbit , I know how you feel. It's like a snowball effect. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle it, but there are some escapes I have. I make sure all my responsibilities are taken care of, then have 'me' time in which I do something that makes me happy. Oftentimes that includes tea(I recommend Celestial Seasonings brand). Sometimes I just sit with my dog and drink tea and catch up on tv shows. Sometimes I cut my hair a different way(which I don't recommend XD). Even just taking a little power nap at some point in the day helps me, personally. You can go out with a group of friends. You can dance around to your favorite song. Just try to add happy things in little bursts to counteract the snowball effect. Now, there are other things you can do as well as what I listed, but the ones I mentioned are things that make brighten my day.(Which reminds me, some good exercise is good and so is trying to compliment/thank people when you appreciate something nice they do for you or notice a positive trait they have!)
 

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Yeah I have done similar things in your list, but is it normal that the only way to feel absolutely happy again is after getting external attention? I seem to have trouble getting back to normal without other people, but would like to be able to do this. Is that possible if I just train myself to be able to be alone?
 

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I've faced a similar dilemma. You either have to make your romance more like your work, or your work more like your romance, or combine them both into one.
 

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Is it possible that you are depressed? Because that could be related to feeling that way (medication helps). I'm not at all trying to be offensive by suggesting that; I'm just trying to help.

Getting good sleep helps too, as well as staying active (i.e. running, yoga, etc).

Another thing you can try is to use your other aspects as something to look forward to, leaving the stressful aspect behind.

Hypnosis treatment can also be effective.
 

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@catrabbit Maybe you don't have to shut off your Fe to cope, maybe you can use it, since it is your strength? Have you tried to emphasize with the person making you upset, seeing their point of view? Even if they project their frustration at you, it's not always where the problem's at. Seeing that can make it easier not to take personally.
 

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I seem to have trouble getting back to normal without other people, but would like to be able to do this. Is that possible if I just train myself to be able to be alone?
That doesn't sound like a good idea.

You must have some kind of leak so that the emotional support you get dissipates too quickly. Then you need more and it's straining your boyfriend. Be glad he's an NF. Some other types would really struggle to build you up emotionally after work beats you down. I can think of a lot of ways to possibly reduce stress and recover emotionally. A good place to start, I think, is what are your goals in life? Is your job helping you to achieve those goals? Do you believe the work you're doing is valuable to you or helpful to others?
 

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I'm stuck in a similarly opposite position as OP. I'm starting a business, and while I'm happy that my professional life is progressing and stable for the moment, I have no time to pursue romance. So while OP seems to have all her life's aspects intertwined, mine seem to be distinctly separate.

This could mean many things, but what I take from it is that we can prioritize what is important to us (even against our natural urges). We should all be focusing on taking care of ourselves before we depend, or expect someone to depend on us.

Catrabbit, I had a similar issue with the corporate world, and I believe its a trend with enlightened feelers. We realize that how corporations treat employees is not fair and that all actions we take directly benefit the corporation, not ourselves. Instead of dealing with the reality, we wish to change reality. IMHO you should pick a non-corporate line of work, if you're like me you'll find more satisfaction in other careers.
 
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