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Discussion Starter #1
My closest friends are introverts, and we all have a mutual understanding..
However, my not-so-close friends, that are really more my fiancé's friends simply don't get it.
They want to hang out ALL the time, to the point where they have started inviting themselves over to my house.

-.-

Seriously, it's happened twice in the past month where two of them have said "Oh, i'll come over on sunday and we can hang out"
When I politely mentioned I had some homework to do "Oh that's okay! I'll do my report writing while I'm there"
I have tried to give them the hint that I'm not okay with that, but they're not getting it.
Does anyone else have this problem? What did you do?
 

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Have you tried actually being direct by telling them not to come over? Don't let them in? Lock your doors? Is this your house or you and your fiancé's? If it is your house as your claim then you have every authority to decide when people are allowed to come over or not. It is not hard to do. Be assertive. Just tell them no. No means no. You don't need to explain why you don't want them over, but I see sometimes NFJ'S seemingly explaining the reasons why they do things in some effort to compensate for their lack of assertiveness. Which isn't a bad thing.. per se. If this is you and your fiancé's place, than you need to talk to your husband about this and his friends inability to respect personal boundaries. Your home is the one place you should feel most secure and comfortable. Don't let other people take that from you.

With these types of over-bearing people hints do not work. You need to tell them point blank. Don't be afraid to hurt their feelings if this is a concern to you. And I get the sense that it is, or you would not need to give these people hints. To answer your question, no I have not had to deal with intrusive assholes trying to get into my home. I don't like to have people over because than they will annoy me and cause me to over exert energy with their poor housing manners. Last time I had a friend over, he proceeded to walk in with his dirty shoes on my clean floors, left the mud to dry and break apart all over my condo. He also left a mess in the guest bathroom. Motherfucker. And yes, I am extremely anal about the cleanliness of my living space. Not worth the grief. Hope I helped.
 

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Yes I've had this problem. If I actually need to do homework I explain that I workt best alone. If I just don't want to hang out I tell them I'm feeling introverted and want to be alone. Usually I suggest another day which I'd rather hang out on, because I like hanging out with my friends. If you don't like hanging out with them...deny without trying a reschedule?

I like it when my extroverts try to invite themselves over. Makes me feel wanted. They're not going to know you want to be alone unless you tell them. so just tell them. there are ways to say it nicely and keep both parties feeling appreciated :)

Explaining you don't have the energy for it makes them feel a lot better than just put them off again and again, or being resentful when they do come over.
 

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Perhaps you make them feel secure! It sounds like they need to be around you, like that you are a security blanket with your presence.

EDIT: I thought I posted this. Hmmmn. Anyway, just be really positive when you tell them they can't come over. Be like," Awe, you guys are awesome but I really can't have any company over right now. It's nothing personal at all. We'll hang out soon, ok? It will be fun."

That is what I do and it works, usually. Although Extraverted Sensor females tend to have more trouble understanding, lol! I always feel like I offend them a little bit.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for your replies :)
I really do need to be a bit more assertive - my fiancé feels equally as awkward in these situations, and usually places it on me to make an excuse - he doesn't want them around, either :p
 

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Thanks for your replies :)
I really do need to be a bit more assertive - my fiancé feels equally as awkward in these situations, and usually places it on me to make an excuse - he doesn't want them around, either :p
If they're your fiancé's friends, surely he has the responsibility to deal with them? He shouldn't put the onus on you- especially since they're likely to be more understanding if the message comes from him!
 

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Try: "I just want some quiet time to myself tonight." They probably think they're sparing you the woe of being stuck home alone doing schoolwork by coming and doing theirs, too.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
My fiancé isn't great at dealing with things like this :( When pushed he will cave in and just agree to seeing them, then hate it the whole way through :p
 

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lol, tbh, i don't see anything wrong with what they've done whatsoever, which tells you everything you need to know about me as regards to an introverted forum.

like someone else said, it really would be best if you suggest another time you guys might meet, just to let them know that it isn't personal and that you aren't flat out rejecting them (which would suggest you dislike them).

tbh, to a certain extent i'm of the opinion that you should acquiesce extrovert expectations in your social circle, because even as an introvert it's just a necessary thing that needs to be done in life.
 

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The thing i've found about most extroverts, is that they don't consider their impact upon others. It's as though they just think that everyone wants them around all the time, and have very little self awareness in how they make others feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to be blunt.

Your fiance really needs to snap out of it and protect yours and his space. What happens when you have a child and they are imposing in the hospital room? Or - you're getting married and they're honeymooning with you. Seriously, he needs to stand up for your space NOW or else it's gonna get a WHOLE lot worse.
 
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