[Swizz]

Go easy on me, my first post! Feeling slightly awkward asking about this...

I'm INTP married to ISTP. For years we thought we were both INTP, but he has definite S tendencies! It might be a close thing either way. He loves the thrill of fast cars, bikes, boats, and will always want to FIX a problem...rather than consider multiple options then do nothing (my approach).

Here's the thing. Our sex life is generally good, in bed all is great. No complaints. When I'm there, he's there, all is good. But outside of those times, he just doesn't seem to pick up on any clues that I might want something at erm different times of day....doesn't matter what I do - nuance, visual clues, the fact that I could be desperate for him to touch me but I don't want to keep ASKING....I can wear skimpy clothes, brush past him provocatively....nada. FYI it's the same if I'm upset or crying, I have to tell him to cuddle me or kiss me, not just try and "fix" things...

I know he loves me, without a doubt, we've been happily married for more than 2 decades...but he just doesn't notice stuff - he's either in his head, on another planet or trying to fix things...

I'm INTP, I don't wear my feelings out loud and I absolutely hate to seem needy, but I do have "needs" (blushes..)

How do I get his attention?? How do you people work?!

 

[Saturnian Devil]

Go easy on me, my first post! Feeling slightly awkward asking about this...

I'm INTP married to ISTP. For years we thought we were both INTP, but he has definite S tendencies! It might be a close thing either way. He loves the thrill of fast cars, bikes, boats, and will always want to FIX a problem...rather than consider multiple options then do nothing (my approach).

Here's the thing. Our sex life is generally good, in bed all is great. No complaints. When I'm there, he's there, all is good. But outside of those times, he just doesn't seem to pick up on any clues that I might want something at erm different times of day....doesn't matter what I do - nuance, visual clues, the fact that I could be desperate for him to touch me but I don't want to keep ASKING....I can wear skimpy clothes, brush past him provocatively....nada. FYI it's the same if I'm upset or crying, I have to tell him to cuddle me or kiss me, not just try and "fix" things...

I know he loves me, without a doubt, we've been happily married for more than 2 decades...but he just doesn't notice stuff - he's either in his head, on another planet or trying to fix things...

I'm INTP, I don't wear my feelings out loud and I absolutely hate to seem needy, but I do have "needs" (blushes..)

How do I get his attention?? How do you people work?!

Uh, are you sure you're an INTP? Because this post... Yeah, you honestly don't seem like one to me.

Anyway, he probably does pick up on things. Could be that he simply just doesn't feel like acting on them right then and there. Or he could be lost in thought like you suggested. I can say this: ISTPs tend to do things when they feel like it.

As for the emotional comfort, most of us aren't good at that. Inferior Fe is a thing we have to deal with our entire lives, after all.

 

[Asinya]

I'm female - usually, I'm the sexual initiator in my household - but if/when it's actually my partner who wants sex, both him and me have found that the best way to get my attention is to simply undress and get his dick up. Should work the other way around, too.

 

[Swizz]

Thanks Asinya, that's sort of where I'm at. It works, so I guess I'm overcomplicating things.

And yes I am definitely INTP, through and through. Right now this is not an emotional neediness, but a physical thing...

 

[Saturnian Devil]

And yes I am definitely INTP, through and through. Right now this is not an emotional neediness, but a physical thing...

So it's a sexual thing rather than emotional. Gotcha. You weren't specific enough so that went over my head, lol.

 

[Sensational]

I think I may be stating something obvious.

Why dont you just say "Lets have sex?"

 

[Swizz]

Because it would be nice for him to initiate sometimes?! I hate feeling needy by having to ask. And I think it's a thing many women don't admit to but...I want to be taken

Sexual confidence in a partner is a turn on; asking and initiating makes me feel slutty and slightly ashamed of my need...As I say, INTP. Find emotions complicated.

 

[muslamicinfidel]

Uh, are you sure you're an INTP? Because this post...

OH NO!!! She doesn't quite fit the stereotypes for a particular type so she must be typed incorrectly. Shock. Horror.

 

[Swizz]

I guess what I'm asking is, should I go for visual clues, innuendo and word play, getting his imagination going, or physical stuff ie just grabbing him etc...I'm guessing from the answers so far that it's physical - that taking action works best but I wasn't sure. I'll have to shelve my wistful romantic notions of being swept off my feet!

 

[Saturnian Devil]

OH NO!!! She doesn't quite fit the stereotypes for a particular type so she must be typed incorrectly. Shock. Horror.

Actually, I wasn't thinking in terms of stereotypes. Just thought it was unusual for an INTP to be super confused by an ISTP considering we have several similarities. Nice try, though.

 

[WorldzMine]

You want to feel wanted... sexually... but without directly causing the want? The way to be sexually appealing to another person is simply to be sexually appealing to that person. You should know after 20 years what he's into... do that.

And I can answer from both sides of this coin because although I am an INTP the S is strong with me although I only act on it when I'm not feeling "lazy".

 

[Asinya]

To be honest though, I see sort of how you mean. Like I mentioned, if there's sex in my household, I'm the one to initiate it - and I'm good at what I do (sorry, but I am) and I somehow can't help that it makes me feel a bit jealous, because -I- never get the whole package with being actively seduced and "taken"

It would be nice, for a change, so I can see how you feel. And to be honest, having to TELL someone that "Uhm, could you perhaps feel spontaneously turned on by me sometime?" kinda ruins the whole thing - it turns it into something planned and not very spontaneous at all. Tricky situation...it shouldn't be, but I can totally see how it is.

 

[SiFan]

Go easy on me, my first post! ....

Neat first posting, Swizz! Welcome to the forums.