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general rants
When people offer you something or help in some way- and then when you actually go to take them up on it, they hem and haw and you realize- they really didn't mean it. They just said it to sound good or feel good about themselves but now you feel stupid for asking. Moral of the story- don't ask anyone for anything ever and don't expect anything from anyone ever. I love when I just do things- get things- accomplish things- alone. By my lonesome.

Watching local people actually rise up when something will affect THEM. But they are all crickets about things that affect OTHERS. A true person's character is how they behave when it comes to the injustices of OTHERS.

Never thought my closest would hurt me so bad. But they did. And it's done. And it's sad but a relief that I've lowered the priority of relationships I once put on a pedestal. Empowering to the max.

High schools in America are miniature versions of corporate america. The teachers and staff are largely tired people trying to get ahead and/or relive their youth. Ultimately, they do not give two shits about your kid. They hate you (the parent.) And high school is a lesson in jungle politics that is coming the kid's way anyway ...... So frame this to your pre-high school kids NOW. Don't expect love in high school. Or at work. That's not what either of those places are for / structured for.

Cheapness has always been my pet peeve- but don't lower yourself to the cheapskates' levels. Be who you are. Sure- don't lavish the cheapskates in your life---- but be who you are and lead by example.
 

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@Laguna

Yes! Just yezzz to all of that. We were asked once what’d be our critical point to react in a somewhat increasingly hostile atmosphere. Most did resonate with when it’s happening to the ME. And nothing wrong with that, as it’s part of how it should be, leaders AND followers.

Problems rose when some of them got promoted to leading roles through the weak and corrupted characters of those who considered a BJ enough for giving a gal some winch to the higher positions in the hierarchy.

I wish I had had more humans like you in my life from day one I was born, or fabricated.
 
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@Laguna

Yes! Just yezzz to all of that. We were asked once what’d be our critical point to react in a somewhat increasingly hostile atmosphere. Most did resonate with when it’s happening to the ME. And nothing wrong with that, as it’s part of how it should be, leaders AND followers.

Problems rose when some of them got promoted to leading roles through the weak and corrupted characters of those who considered a BJ enough for giving a gal some winch to the higher positions in the hierarchy.

I wish I had had more humans like you in my life from day one I was born, or fabricated.
Gee, thanks. :redface:
 

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Ok. My turn to hit it hard.

I like people. Well it’s new to me in the current form I’m currently experiencing it, but it’s working my judgement off so I’m taking it in as it is. BUT. I mean sometimes, I swear it becomes almost borderline impossible for me not to get full scale insane when people repeat mistakes they are fully aware of are bad, no, but horrible decisions. I have an example:

This one dude. He works for an couriering company, which ever the name of it was, and just can’t get a grip of himself to exit his comfort zone. He is sp third. He has three apartments he is renting out at 37 yo. And one in which he lives in. A home alone 7 wife. A small girl. and his job. His dream is to do mountain climbing or alpinism, professionally. Like tour guiding or what ever. Just that he has been talking about it now for ages and even if he disapproves his current daily activity, the conflict of interest is there in him in this wear off mode all the time - he just can’t manage to become brave enough to just go out and do it. Nor will he accept assistance. Not even from the few persons in his life he admires. Fear has just swallowed him.

My issue is that social capital such as is making the rest of my time here a horrible experience. And I’ve tried to avoid them or thinking about them but any fricken where I go it’s like a calling to save or participate in adjusting these peoples self esteem levels towards a positive self fulfilling prophecy to take place in their lives. I hate it. I dislike the fact that a person is operating on 10% capacity from his own dreams and 1/1 000 000% capacity of how I envision him or her. It’s extremely painful - just like coparticipating in the life changing events of some stranger out here while witnessing tremendous uplift in that persons life development is the second most addicting activity I know.

So I’d love to just close my eyes from it all. But when I do... I start to hear them. And if I put music on through the audio devices, then I start to feel their pain and misery until either I start to cry and can no longer control it at all. Or I get up, well up and up, and go out there and give what ever that person is ready to receive. Then, then I get some sleep, and after 1-2 hours of rest, it just starts all over again. Just more intense.

That was part a. I’ve got it until z.
 

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@Laguna

Yeah. I can most certainly feel where your at currently. I used to think it’s a curse, you know, to have so much obs going on. It’s really exhausting me more often than not. And it’s not just the- you know - processing of injustices and imbalances. It’s way worse when you CAN impact. And especially if instantly. Starting from using Mbti efficiently. To using connections. To using money. To using the power of combining the instincts. To even asking for God help for hard core cases.

And the way it works is the more opportunities one has been blessed to hand out the more responsibility to how to do that properly. I mean where’s the line in that sand? Is it genetics? It it intentions? Is it coincidence of occurance? What? Or is it ought to be free of charge, some take it, others just can’t.

I’m telling you laguna ... this is driving me nuts.

On the flip side. If the competence to deal with injustice wouldn’t be linked there to ones genes, would any of it had been allocated to us in the 1st place
 

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...there are just so many of them I find it difficult to organize them in some sort of priority related order.

The stuff that hurts me the most is seeing wise folks stumble upon details of life. To see someone who could easily lead a mid level sociological trend dwell in dreaming about like porn is just so wrong. I mean a person worthy of leading others should have tons where to choose from, tons. Yet so, so many of the best confuse quality with apparent quality. Then they get used and abused, traumatized and lock emselves in this paralysis related horror of never ever risking again. It’s like: man you were designed to fly, while they respond: you don’t know me, I know me, and I’m telling you I can’t even crawl. I haven’t ever even dared to dream about the stuff you’ve done or say I could do dear.

And there you are.. looking at them how slavery has captivated them entirely. And then you act, but covertly, from afar. As you just can’t let them die like that. I just can not. I wanna, but literally can’t. Because they could be me. And I could be them.
 

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I’m embarrassed by the privileged life I’ve had. I’m profoundly disgusted by how little impact I’ve made with so, so much I’ve had. From genetics, to status, to everything else. But how can I massage the minimum level of desired impact if so many from the first live in denial of their own selves..? How.

They see themselves as ugly and losers. They genuinely are incapable of seeing what they are. They often, having had less time to know themselves better because of time allotted to resource gathering, think they are just avg persons living an usually socioeconomically lowest possible lifestyle and so they honestly identify with that. They are operating at a millionth part of their mental, emotional and social capacity. Which leads to extremely poor leadership from the behalf of those who lead but are really less than filthy dogs. And that, alone, leads to tyrannic, insane, totally counterproductive/-intuitive just plain corruption.

Which means misery and basically major unhappiness.
 

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And guess what. When others look at them, a homeless person, a pizza delivery boy, a jobLESS house wife, an unemployed girl with a uni degree, someone talking at UN about health as a nobody scientist, etc. leads to almost if not total zero support for their pov’s.

But if a fat fuck who makes snuff porn with kids but has 50-100bil opens his sleazy opinion box, as I can not name that a mouth.. everyone just obeys like pigs. Doesn’t matter what’s coming outta thee. Everyone just suck that straw hoping for ANY bones to fall on that floor for them all to suck that bone together like a bunch of parachuted characterless ants they are.

And lately. If you are traditional, you can have power, and yet the trend of insanity just has folks sucking for more of that trend of big corruption towards the absolute corruption.

And that’s just really awful to live.
 

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After reading your last few post here on sx rant lagoon, it stuck me how the heck hadn’t you gotten one k of likes for what you had written there, but not even one?!? Then I remembered again after 2hours of PerC how rare, indeed, human beings such as you actually these days any longer are. And if that’s not worth a clinically valid stage 4 depression (read emotional metastasis), it’s difficult to name what is.

Heal me from that one, and I’ll task you to the rest from b to z here and now. :)
 

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Not talking to myself, not at all.

Gotta get some Zzzz.. as I’m heading to this rehabilitation thing again tomorrow. It’s rehab every single day lately for me, as if I’d be a some sort of addict still. Well some still think I’m pretty, and that’s selling so we will count on that for survival then.

Kiss and (don’t) tell.
 

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Oh, yes, laguna:

You are extremely generous with handing out 24hrs. I give them 10 mins, if they rank among the best - dating wisely. We have an order type for it from where I’m coming from. But that’s way under 10minute. Like, ten seconds if ones in a great mood. It’s called:

Fill or kill.

Or so I’ve heard. As I wouldn’t be in the position to like, know.

I’ve had too many this evening. After a very long time. But hey, I lost my dog today. So it’ll do for an pathetically motivated excuse.
 

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I’m also enraged by the fact that I saw under 200 active PerC members for the 1st time in my life today.

.. could be worse. Would be worse. Will be ... well time will tell.
 

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Now I’m starting to both miss and get nostalgic about all the people I used to know and like or love and are no longer among us.

Why do all the best get always removed from here, anyway? I never got that.

I’m seeing them all happy and smiley. Doing what ever they did best around here. Doing their dance, or kiss, or humor or play.. they were so beautiful to hang out with. Legendary women and men. Land mines of bursting happiness. Tremendous levels of supportive energy. Well rounded and cool to the core. Just fucking great all around.

It’s hurting me in my chest how much I miss them right now. They were all such a bunch of joy pills. Better than any drug at all. Better than adrenaline itself. Fuck me, they were the adrenaline itself.

...why’s life so long anyway. What’s the benefits of it. Who extracts benefit from dwelling in ruthless second hand tours of unapologetic misery. What is the sense of experiencing the nosediving exclamated evilness. It’s ridiculous. Like myself right now.
 

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I had this colleague where ever I used to work in my youth who was doing there weird af pain things to himself. As I was whiningly attempting to correct his behavior it occurred to me I should probably ask hints about his underlying motives, so by being as gentle as I could I kinda did. What he then said perfectly mirrors how I feel tonight. He said (and I remember this crystal clear):

When a winner knows he will lose, pain is the only thing left that will make re-live feeling being alive again.

My loss ... what I’m gonna go through as the intaking part here, in this life, can only ever be on record on a apparently random
Forum of the net. The only place of Earth, where sanity can be - to this date - still not stamped as insanity.

The rest. Is still napping with their eyes wide open. Lovely.

So help us God.
 

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Alcohol decrease. Memo’s of the lively Euphoria already spanking the synapses. Horrible.

But. On the rest of it, why would anyone drink in the first place?
 

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Does Sx sometimes make you desperate or come off as desperate because you want to be with a particular person so bad?
 

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Does Sx sometimes make you desperate or come off as desperate because you want to be with a particular person so bad?

I'm not so sure, but I get lusty for a woman that I want to be with because of her physical attributes and to appreciate her for those. Like a beauitful flower brightening up someone's day. Ofc, the woman is a person and not an inanimate object, but I feel perhaps it's better for me to make contact with her and see my appreciation for her. It's might be SIMPing, but beauty isn't something you can't just dismiss right away. I get nudes and voice calls if I don't stop, so that's sorta a reward for me.
 

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Sx is an instinct after all...I think that similarly sp and soc latch into what would seemingly serve their instinct as well. It is a bit unfortunate though yeah
 

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Does Sx sometimes make you desperate or come off as desperate because you want to be with a particular person so bad?
Yeah you betcha
 
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