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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hey fellow SX-dom's! I have a question for you!

How do you accept or deal with people's responses to your energy? I feel like, more than with SP-dom's or SO-dom's, SX-dom's are likely to get either a positive or negative reaction (whereas SP or SO might get a more neutral response). I don't have the thickest of skin, so when people react negatively to my intensity, it makes it hard for me to want to be social or try to find more friends.

Because people either tend to "love" or "hate" the SX intensity, and because it comes on so strong - - react people do. & Sometimes those reactions can be hurtful.

Are there other sensitive SX-dom's who have had experience overcoming this? How did you learn to accept that some people are going to react strongly to your intensity or energy (and you're going to have to see that reaction a lot)?

Please and Thank You! :)
 
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It's tough in this world. What I had to personally do was make sure the person I am with is comfortable, then I was willing to release the lovely SX energy. In a comfortable state, the person finds it rather amusing, and almost even a breath of fresh air because of spontaneity of it. He or she will usually feel more connected as well.

However, people will hate it if the energy isn't under control. Too much energy can be overbearing for the person, and pushing any further can create resentment.

It becomes a test to see who can handle it, but under a comfortable situation, it's more gladly received.
 
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I don't think people are generally responding to my intensity, because for me it's mostly internal. And I doubt anyone's ever *hated* anything about me (except maybe my little brother, heh).

There've been women I dated who I made very nervous, and I think they were partly responding to the intensity of my feelings. But I don't know that that's a unique response to sx types!

Mostly what I feel is that people either love me or are completely uninterested on me based on my uniqueness, not specifically my intensity. Certain people love that I'm strange, that I am who I am, and that I don't care about social expectations or being likable; others seem completely uninterested in me. So I do feel I am very much a "love or completely ignore" kind of person (not so much love or hate!), but honestly I attribute it more to my type than to my subtype.

Maybe the experience of being an extroverted sx-dom is very different from being an introverted one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I don't think people are generally responding to my intensity, because for me it's mostly internal. And I doubt anyone's ever *hated* anything about me (except maybe my little brother, heh).

There've been women I dated who I made very nervous, and I think they were partly responding to the intensity of my feelings. But I don't know that that's a unique response to sx types!

Mostly what I feel is that people either love me or are completely uninterested on me based on my uniqueness, not specifically my intensity. Certain people love that I'm strange, that I am who I am, and that I don't care about social expectations or being likable; others seem completely uninterested in me. So I do feel I am very much a "love or completely ignore" kind of person (not so much love or hate!), but honestly I attribute it more to my type than to my subtype.

Maybe the experience of being an extroverted sx-dom is very different from being an introverted one.
O.k. "hate" is a strong word;; I understand. I guess I've never had anyone directly tell me they "hate" me before. But the point was that SX-dom's tend to polarize people (and quickly). If someone is "blah" or boring, you might think "this guy is boring" - - but your affect and demeanor will largely stay the same.

If someone starts asking you personal questions, or has an intense energy that you feel is "too much" and took you by surprise, the reaction is usually, much, much, more visible. People have a way of being polarized by strong stimuli (just seems to be the way it is).

I do think you're on to something though - - I'm sure being an introverted SX-dom might be different than an extroverted SX-dom (perhaps your intensity is not as immediately apparent? So it cannot take others by as much surprise;; reactions not as immediate?).

Thanks for responding! & Contributing input to the forum thread;; I appreciate it! :)
 

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how do i react to their reaction, of feeling "my energy"...?


i'm sure that i do have reactions, but i'm usually not aware or necessarily conscious of the action--as in, "i'm about to do this now"--but more that i'm trying to move towards a certain direction i guess, and go from there (and this can even be in not reacting whatsoever)...

i guess you could say that i may react based off of a perceived glint that they would be unaccepting, and so just cut off the chain of interaction before it can really begin; or at least cut it off so that they're approaching me... insecurity, when it comes right down to it. and when i can see that it's actually much easier to just overlook what could be called "the potential of rejection" (not so quick to latch onto any terms mingled with the enneagram) and act, i guess playfully fight/antagonize/flirt with everything in my surrounding, hahaha.

but i'm actually pretty introverted and would rather observe, and choose to engage on my terms (whether i like the person or not), because then i guess i already know... how i'll be? i know that doesn't make any sense really, but i'll know that i already will mesh with this person and won't have to indulge in all those fancy formalities and distance that already exist, that makes interaction for me kind of "meh" to begin with...

my responses are usually measured towards the person i'm speaking with, so it would still depend... Edit: sorry, this is kind of a broad question, and i'm just shooting in all directions.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
how do i react to their reaction, of feeling "my energy"...?


i'm sure that i do have reactions, but i'm usually not aware or necessarily conscious of the action--as in, "i'm about to do this now"--but more that i'm trying to move towards a certain direction i guess, and go from there (and this can even be in not reacting whatsoever)...

i guess you could say that i may react based off of a perceived glint that they would be unaccepting, and so just cut off the chain of interaction before it can really begin; or at least cut it off so that they're approaching me... insecurity, when it comes right down to it. and when i can see that it's actually much easier to just overlook what could be called "the potential of rejection" (not so quick to latch onto any terms mingled with the enneagram) and act, i guess playfully fight/antagonize/flirt with everything in my surrounding, hahaha.

but i'm actually pretty introverted and would rather observe, and choose to engage on my terms (whether i like the person or not), because then i guess i already know... how i'll be? i know that doesn't make any sense really, but i'll know that i already will mesh with this person and won't have to indulge in all those fancy formalities and distance that already exist, that makes interaction for me kind of "meh" to begin with...

so if i'm introverted, and would rather observe--minus the wild hair every now and then--then i guess my responses are usually measured towards the person i'm speaking with, so it would still depend.
I'm not sure I fully understood all of that, but I can see where you are coming from. It does sound like it would be different, and it does seem as though introversion vs. extroversion is playing a part here.

See, if I'm going to be myself, I'm kind of just like I am on here. No filters, no awareness, just me. Like, "HERE I AM!";; I wear my heart on my sleeve, there are no pretenses about me. I'm just really, really open with everyone I meet;; no one has to prove themselves. It's kind of a trial and error process for me (which is incredibly painful when you're wearing your heart on your sleeve and not putting up any defenses).

Because my intensity is extroverted, [if] I let it out, it's going to make a SPLASH!

I guess I'm just not comfortable with that yet.. .
I love the positive attention;;
But I seem to have thin skin about the negative reactions.
 
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I'm not sure I fully understood all of that, but I can see where you are coming from. It does sound like it would be different, and it does seem as though introversion vs. extroversion is playing a part here.

See, if I'm going to be myself, I'm kind of just like I am on here. No filters, no awareness, just me. Like, "HERE I AM!";; I wear my heart on my sleeve, there are no pretenses about me. I'm just really, really open with everyone I meet;; no one has to prove themselves. It's kind of a trial and error process for me (which is incredibly painful when you're wearing your heart on your sleeve and not putting up any defenses).

Because my intensity is extroverted, [if] I let it out, it's going to make a SPLASH!

I guess I'm just not comfortable with that yet.. .
I love the positive attention;;
But I seem to have thin skin about the negative reactions.
lol, well i'm glad you understood some of it... so you're basically asking how we deal with the negative reactions?


i'd still have a hard time condensing it. to me it has more to do with what's likely within the environment? what i am "getting" from the interactions, kind of tells me which way to go: pain/pleasure, to put it very simply.
i say this because it (my reaction) can range quite a lot...

i know that if i anticipate rejection i enforce distance preemptively, so when it does come i don't really feel it--or, at least, i'll be ready (in a sense) to push it back so it doesn't affect me... i'll shrug, or laugh, or if i think the person's being an asshole for their own petty reasons, i'll just push it back onto them.


so if you're asking (lol) how i deal with negative reactions, i guess it'd be by making it seems as if it doesn't matter, making it not matter, or just pushing back against them a little (again, in whatever way seems best based on the actual circumstance).
 

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Not sure what I am but I relate to the question (regardless of the "sx" part).

In the past I had more of a "don't give a shit" attitude to how people respond to me in general (well, that's what people see on the surface). Honestly, I'm sort of the person who arrogantly assumes that there must be some kind of fault with the other person, or that they are just to bland and boring to appreciate my intensity, lol. I think that this in itself is some kind of defensive mechanism. Deep down, I think it bothers me, a lot. I hate feeling rejected, despite my need to be free and independent from others. I sort of want it all. I want to merge with people, but on my terms. I hate feeling like I am trapped or that I am destined to be stuck in a dead-end relationship forever.

The answer to the question is that I often "reject" the negative responses or I just spin on my heel and start running in the other direction. If I care enough about the relationship I'll probably find a way to charm my way back into the persons good books. If I'm hurt I'll probably start ranting and raving at them in a self-righteous way. I have this rather unattractive sense of entitlement. >_>
 

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My Sx is highly extraverted: my intensity is right there, front and center. I think it's a subconscious weaponization, like a punch to the gut of people who can't handle the intensity. It's definitely polarizing, as I have no real desire to socialize with anyone who can't pull my fires up from the depths.

The thing that always disappoints me is when I feel a connection with someone but when I try to follow up on it they avoid me.
 
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The thing that always disappoints me is when I feel a connection with someone but when I try to follow up on it they avoid me.
Heh. I have definitely had a lot of "How can you NOT feel what's going on between us, and/or want to do something about it?" moments.

My friendships are purportedly the most important thing in my life. Often I've felt I wanted to have more than just friendship with a friend. When I tell them that, I've usually gotten, "No, I'd be too scared of wrecking our friendship." (Whether this actually means "Uh, I just don't feel anything romantic for you" is anyone's guess.) But I often feel so much, I would totally wreck my friendships for the chance to just *try* being more intimate. What does that say about me?
 

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Heh. I have definitely had a lot of "How can you NOT feel what's going on between us, and/or want to do something about it?" moments.

My friendships are purportedly the most important thing in my life. Often I've felt I wanted to have more than just friendship with a friend. When I tell them that, I've usually gotten, "No, I'd be too scared of wrecking our friendship." (Whether this actually means "Uh, I just don't feel anything romantic for you" is anyone's guess.) But I often feel so much, I would totally wreck my friendships for the chance to just *try* being more intimate. What does that say about me?
About the same as it says about me, heh.

I feel the same way too. Nothing risked, nothing gained. And I'd probably say that to my friend.
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
It sounds like the census is that I just need to develop thicker skin somehow.. .or some sort of badass coping mechanism! :)
 

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I'm me.
I'm put off big energy. People mostly get out of my way. Those left don't mind big energy!

same with crabby people. I'm generally happy. crabby people leave my life!
 

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I'm over it. If people have a problem, fuck 'em.

I'm always either greeted by people who look horrified/afraid/'omg is this bitch on something please calm down', or, by people who instantly take to me. There's no in-between lol.

I used to worry more if I was coming off to strong, and would try and act more presentable I guess. Although I still have that worry that I'm over-doing it, and something inside me tries to pull the reigns to slow down, I don't listen to it as much. I just continue being myself. I'm a genuine bitch, I'm not gonna change for anyone.
 
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