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SX first sevens, can you describe how you are with dating and romance? And how is that different to SP or SOC first sevens - especially SX last sevens?

SP and SOC first sevens, how would you describe the difference here?

Those who have dated SX first sevens, how would you describe how they are like in particular, and how they are different from SP and SOC firsters?

Tell me about eye contact, attention span, dating styles, etc...
 

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I don't know my instinctual variety to answer :(

but it I tend to look for that "us against the world" type of partnership, equal, partner in crime. I don't take dating seriously. I take relationships seriously however .. I like lots of eye contact. Total add intuitive here so I like someone who can keep up intellectually and someone easy going to not mind rambling or even better, one who might to ramble too. Not sure what you mean by dating styles .. For me, I just don't take dating seriously and I enjoy getting to know people and the anticipation that there might be something there. But if it's a scenario that starts to make me really sad, I'll try to work it out but if the person isn't interested in meeting me half way, I move on.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I don't know my instinctual variety to answer :(

but it I tend to look for that "us against the world" type of partnership, equal, partner in crime. I don't take dating seriously. I take relationships seriously however .. I like lots of eye contact. Total add intuitive here so I like someone who can keep up intellectually and someone easy going to not mind rambling or even better, one who might to ramble too. Not sure what you mean by dating styles .. For me, I just don't take dating seriously and I enjoy getting to know people and the anticipation that there might be something there. But if it's a scenario that starts to make me really sad, I'll try to work it out but if the person isn't interested in meeting me half way, I move on.
Maybe you could be a sx dom seven, as sx variants are known for especially liking lots of eye contact.
 

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SX first sevens, can you describe how you are with dating and romance? And how is that different to SP or SOC first sevens - especially SX last sevens?

SP and SOC first sevens, how would you describe the difference here?

Those who have dated SX first sevens, how would you describe how they are like in particular, and how they are different from SP and SOC firsters?

Tell me about eye contact, attention span, dating styles, etc...
I take relationships very seriously. I like to feel completely engrossed in the relationship. I have a natural tendency to put an unhealthy focus on my relationships. I also tend to idealize that things are perfect even when they're really not. I've gotten good at calling myself out on it though! I don't really "date". Raw, emotional, intense connections are what I seek, and you can't just have those with anybody walking down the street. Someone has to have that something extra special... an energy that just can't be described by the human tongue. If it's there, I feel it immediately. Nothing is left to question. I know what I want, and I go for it if it's available.

When somebody can't maintain eye contact with me for a long period of time, I'm a little put off. It makes me feel as if they're hiding something. My posture is very open. I exude confidence, and I'm almost always subconsciously on the outlook for someone with whom I feel I can jive. It's not everyday that I feel truly connected to somebody.

I like being with somebody who loves me as strongly as I love them. I love hard, so once again, it's a very difficult thing to find. I'm fiery, vivacious, and pretty merry... like santa, only cuter... most days :p I love to love, and I love to be loved. It's a very special and rare thing for me though.

My boyfriend who is sp/so described my approach to dating/relationships like this: "put simply, I'd say it's a very serious, dedicated and genuine approach. something that's actually pretty rare, from my observations."
 

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Maybe you could be a sx dom seven, as sx variants are known for especially liking lots of eye contact.
for the record. my eyes are now crossed permanently from self destructive psychoanalytical introspection. :confused:


Seriously. Not even kidding here but when I FIRST joined this forum I had a lot of people suggest to get into enneagram. They felt that I would really like it, which I DO! ... at that time I absolutely was resistant. I said at that time, "No. I know myself. I think if I was given the tools I might get obsessed and dissect myself so much that I wouldn't be enjoying myself anymore. I'd be living in my very own petri dish to inspect, dissect and understand ... "

WHY OH WHY DO I NEVER LISTEN TO MYSELF !!!! :tongue:


p.s.

I think most intuitive's (once deeply involved with the other) likes lots of eye contact. I could be wrong though.
I guess I've just always been one to fluctuate between fleeting eyes and staring. :p
 

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First of all, I agree with everyone here who says that sexual 7s take relationships extremely seriously. For me especially, being a 7 with a considerable 6 wing, I want the love of my life...so when I find someone who I feel that intense, one-on-one connection with, I know it immediately and I go get it. And yes, although I'm visually impaired and eye-contact in general is not as important to me, I do prefer a very focused interaction between me and others, and I'm aware and intune with when the other person's attention is wandering from me.

I'd also like to add that strong sexual 7s are particularly aware of their sex-appeal, almost like 8s. We're grounded in our bodies and instinctively know how to physically promote ourselves.

Still, I'm particular. I don't flirt with everyone--not even everyone I'm attracted to; I only flirt with those who I feel a magnetic connection with. I zoom in on them, so to speak. My ex-girlfriend once told me that I "snatched her up" and she was a bit bewildered at my intensity toward her. I was enthralled with her, and I showed this by being especially charming, romantic, and by putting her upon the proverbial pedistal.

Of course since I am a 7 that overwhelming enchantment eventually dulls, and I begin seeking greener pastures. But if there's a varient of 7 which is most likely to stick around and keep the passion alive in a relationship, it's the healthy sexual 7.
 

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I do take relationships seriously, but there's always that typical 7 fear of not being able to keep the fire burning and to be bored by your partner. Actually getting into a relationship is also very difficult, considering it's extremely rare for me to fall in love. Strong attraction and interest are very familiar feelings to me, but I can't actually remember what falling in love feels like, except that it is an overpowering and intoxicating feeling.
 
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Tell me about eye contact, attention span, dating styles, etc.

Very intense physically, I am kind of a nympho.
eye contact? minimal. I try but I do not like being invaded that much by someone casual. I usually keep my relationships puddle deep and physically exhaustive.
attention span- Short because their motivation is to cage me like an exotic pet to marvel at. If my equal, infinite probabilities.
 

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I never been in love. I have, however, been in many infatuations. I love the chase, the thrill of the chase. Once I get get what I was chasing, reality cracks my mirror of illusion, & I get bored quickly. Love, In my mind, is supposed to be Mysterious. Ruling. Epic. Expanding. and I never had that.. I think once I have that deep one to one connection, I think I would make it last. Passion is my favorite, it's what reminds me, and him, that we're alive. I never been in the kind of love where, each passing day gets better and better, and I never get tired of their face, and I'm willing to give up my alone time for them..

Ha! I love the strong eye contact stereotype thing going here, because that's absolutely true for me, in the romantic aspect. Eyes are the window to the soul. I've aways been the person who's easy to read, so even when I'm mad or sad or horny, I dont need to say anything, I can say a lot with just a look. I grew up and actress, so Ive taken advantage of that trait. In my little days of being a playa playa, (middle school to high school edition) the people I've dated would say, I can tell how much you want me by your eyes. The most serious thing I've heard was, the way you look at me, like I'm youre whole universe! from this crazy ass girl I wasn't really interested in dating.. So since then I learned to shush my eyes and not tease people.
 

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Need partner in crime, someone who moves at the same pace. A partner's going to be found on the same path likely so I rely on interest groups and see if they're into the other things, too. Some people think my 7 attitude makes me like how an xSxP in mbti would be, though I am NF. I like some romance but of it all the time that spells boredom in me. I need someone to do most things with though, as in imaginative adventures and hugs. I agree we aee sexually aware though I seem to be demisexual, I know what can turn most on and off and physically if I feel like I have any cosmetic issue even if it's just a pimple I can be avoidant of those I may wish to become involved with, image maintenance is important to me in dating. I know what's appropriate, though I tend to be casual in general visually. I notice when others appear disinterested and probe people if I see any sense of alternative intention though I may make an excuse for why they acted as such. Explorative love, not knowing what's ahead in terms of the mysterious, thrill, surprises. Inner and outer, creative and engaged.
 

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Need partner in crime, someone who moves at the same pace. A partner's going to be found on the same path likely so I rely on interest groups and see if they're into the other things, too. Some people think my 7 attitude makes me like how an xSxP in mbti would be, though I am NF. I like some romance but of it all the time that spells boredom in me. I need someone to do most things with though, as in imaginative adventures and hugs. I agree we aee sexually aware though I seem to be demisexual, I know what can turn most on and off and physically if I feel like I have any cosmetic issue even if it's just a pimple I can be avoidant of those I may wish to become involved with, image maintenance is important to me in dating. I know what's appropriate, though I tend to be casual in general visually. I notice when others appear disinterested and probe people if I see any sense of alternative intention though I may make an excuse for why they acted as such. Explorative love, not knowing what's ahead in terms of the mysterious, thrill, surprises. Inner and outer, creative and engaged.
I love how 7 make us mistaken for sensors, it's almost like the best of both worlds.
 

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From an sp/so perspective, relationships are really not a priority. I'm driven by a need for freedom and independence and my biggest fear is being trapped or tied down by responsibility.

I've had a couple of long term relationships and they were torture. I enjoyed them in the beginning when they were new and exciting, but I quickly grew bored and ended up feeling trapped.

I'm not totally turned off to relationships, but it's not something I see myself actively seeking again any time soon.

If I understand the variants correctly, this is basically completely opposite to an sx. They crave intimacy with others and relationships are a priority in their life. For me, relationships are an after thought.
 

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From an sp/so perspective, relationships are really not a priority. I'm driven by a need for freedom and independence and my biggest fear is being trapped or tied down by responsibility.

I've had a couple of long term relationships and they were torture. I enjoyed them in the beginning when they were new and exciting, but I quickly grew bored and ended up feeling trapped.

I'm not totally turned off to relationships, but it's not something I see myself actively seeking again any time soon.

If I understand the variants correctly, this is basically completely opposite to an sx. They crave intimacy with others and relationships are a priority in their life. For me, relationships are an after thought.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm a SX after all.. Relationships is not priority, as much as I love intimacy. I'm a bitch when it comes to my freedom, and I usually will deny I ever had feelings for people, for the sake of my innerpeace, and freedom
 

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I'm sp/sx, I think-- but I've flipped them several times.

I haven't dated for almost a year- usually when dating someone I'm aloof, detached almost indifferent. Ok, indifferent to anyone I date, even if I like them. However, when I fall, I fall hard and almost lose myself. Love is passionate and intense- like a drug to me... and I've been clean & sober (from love) for 3 years now and counting.

Edit: @Superfluous I also crave my independence and freedom, and so love puts me in a paradox. I end up feeling like I'm in a cage- unhappy but trapped by my own emotions. It's crazy, I know.
 
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I would argue that i am a SX dom 7.
How I am with Dating:
I pride myself on coming up with fun and unique dates. I won't take someone out to dinner and a movie. I am acutely aware of body language ( both mine and others) and actively manipulate my body to portray what I want.
Dating is a self-affirming tool for me primarily, and secondarily it allows me to be allowed to get to know a person more than I would otherwise. I used to go on dates only with people who I imagined having a relationship with. No Longer. I feel like a journalist or a spy when I go on a date. I enjoy learning about someone, and probing and pushing boundaries.

How I am with Romance: It used to be a paramount priority. No Longer. When I was younger I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with person X because I believed that a long enough relationship would lead to love, and love was complete understanding of one another. Kind of deluded, but I think it is the strongest anecdote of my dom SX. I was looking for intamacy in the place I thought it logically had to be or be able to be created. Squeezing water from a stone.

Now: I am done with that. I know enough about myself to know that I get lazy in my romantic relationships. I would rather roll around in bed every weekend than get outside and experience something outside of ourselves. That hierarchy of wants makes me fundamentally unhappy. The only romantic relationship I want now is one that will challenge me. I can think of one person I trust enough to not impede or let myself impede on my restless spirit with a relationship.

Now, I get my intimacy fix from good friends and random strangers.
 

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I fall hard. I suffocate the other person before they can develop feelings for me. It would help if I held back my feelings a bit and only described the most basic of them. Then I wouldn't overwhelm others.
 

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7w8 - sx/sp/so - ENTP here.

Dating and romance . . . hmmm. It is weird in a way I don't do either, at least in the conventional sense. I think it is the SX in me largely but I just tend to "know" very quickly if something has love potential you could say (though I also think this is tied in a way to Ne and how we just know things sometimes and we don't know why, but are often accurate in our assessments). And when I feel and sense that connection (call it energy or chemistry or whatever) well I go mad with desire and HAVE to have sex with them ASAP lol. So I kind of go from meeting someone, to sleeping with them right away, to yeah one day not too far in the future it is just understood we are together and in love sort of thing. I think this is what it means when it is described SX's don't have much fanfare as to the relationship, that isn't to mean it isn't intense, it is off the charts I would do anything for you intense, but in my life declarations of ILY I was just like "I know" or one day having to define our relationship for someone else on the fly and a guy saying this is my GF, and I was like yeah I guess I am, though GF doesn't seem like an appropriate term our connection feels like something higher hard to explain. It always felt like I was leaving out most of the story so to speak when classifying a guy as m BF as a means of defining our involvement, there was so much more than that ha ha. It can be like we are on another planet where normal human conventions are foreign almost to describe what we have together (hence we kind of dispense with them with each other) - which like reaches the level of the mythical and the spiritual type stuff to us often. And at least for me this has never been projecting - it is a real connection I have had where the men felt the same way (other SXs lol). And in my committed relationships that have gone down this very fast intense and heightened intimacy way from the get go, well they all ended up being long term relationships (longest a little over 5 years) and in all we either made specific or down the road plans to get married.

My experience as an SX 7 - when you know you know sort of thing from the start, and dating kind of is a time to assess another person sort of thing which is like the opposite of my process I guess you could say in the love department. I tend to think when that very intense/love territory chemistry/energy is there, and intense connections are then established in conversations and heightened in the mental intimacy, well I am not really examining the person per say as to future commitment. I mean yeah I have an awareness of their flaws in getting to know someone better - but most flaws I can make workable I guess if the intense connection is there. That might be the 7 in me. I think 7's tend to be pretty happy because we just choose to look at things in a certain light, and I will tend to view stuff that comes down the pike in a light of not being too judgmental or critical about much with rose colored glasses, maybe to my detriment one could say, but it is like if the connection/chemistry is there that just kind of overshadows most things, and it is hard to care too much about certain things when that is present for me (plus I think it is the 8w and the ENTP combined that sees lots of possibilities and thinks I can handle anything so I generally have an I can deal with whatever is thrown at me it will all work the way I want it to sort of thing). Though I do have one huge deal breaker - feeling judged. If that happens then that kind of shatters any connection, and I just can't handle someone not being open and accepting of me. Part of being "happy" a lot of the time for a 7 from my experience is we are generally very accepting of ourselves, not that we do not look at ourselves with a critical eye we certainly do, but just like with our partners our "negatives" we can look at for their positives so to speak (there are always positives and negatives in most things), and then think in the end our positives to our negatives make them positive lol. So we tend to scrutinize - but for me that is from a logical place (ENTP) - and I can logically find the avenue that makes my negative an asset in some way most all of the time, then I easily wholeheartedly embrace myself in all of my "flaws" and I like someone else to do the same. To feel judged by someone - well that to me isn't bad in the moment per say (especially if it is called for) - but in a sense that it is something larger about me as a person well that is just like a buzzkill on my entire existence AND it really estranges me from someone and it kind of negates my feelings of connection. So there is one for sure thing that can override the power of a connection felt.

As a 7x who has matured, well depending on experiences we can change in a way. When I was young that intense love connection, well I kind of viewed that as "forever." I tended to put very high expectations on where the relationship would end (us growing old together stuff). Now I am not so sure. This might be my sp getting a little more developed with time via experience. I am not a "romantic" anymore per say, though I leave room for forever I don't like to put on expectations of that anymore. It is a possibility, not a certainty, and I am fine with ideas now that even the greatest of loves can end. Sometimes these intense connections aren't meant to last forever. And that is OK to me. I also early on had the tendency to kind of lose myself wholly in another person, which I have learned to manage to something more healthy and controlled in that I make conscious efforts to hold onto my own individuality to an extent, but that was learned and the learned the hard way it wasn't my natural inclination (I do think all variants are capable of growth and overcoming some of the problematic aspects they can fall into).

I will also say I never had a relationship end over a die down of the heightened intensity. I think that is possible with sx 7's where they grow bored when the intensity fades or something, but I have never experienced that. Granted I haven't ever been with someone for over 6 years so I could be wrong lol. But when I find that "love" connection/intensity I have yet to see it fade in any way over the course of my years with someone. I have an ex that I still see from time to time, and though we were not meant to be married to each other we found (almost made it to the alter though), the connection is still off the freaking charts. It can make it difficult to see each other (at least from his side lol) in that the moment we lock eyes it is just as intense as it was in the beginning, my whole body vibrates just being near him. It can make one question "why aren't we together?" lol which has happened numerous times over the years, but my forward thinking here (ENTP especially) knows where that road leads and I at least remember why we aren't lol and we have to come back down to reality to part each other which in the end we know is the best thing but it isn't without difficulty sometimes.

That being said . . . as to the everyone else who I don't find these REALLY intense connections with, well I can't really date them in the normal sense. That implies some sort of romantic future thinking to me, which I know is not there pretty quickly. However, I am always looking for stimulation/highs in intimacy and connections to be found with people, and there are many different ones out there that are incredibly thrilling though they aren't of the "love" variety as to the intensity. That pretty much means that I have been pretty promiscuous lol. When I sense and make a connection with someone and we forge into deeper intimacy with each other, well if there is any physical attraction whatsoever and the mental is being stimulated, well I really want to heighten that as far that experience can go which includes sex. Ride that intimacy train until the wheels fall off sort of thing lol, explore the limits of how "high" I can get on this person. And I wonder if this is where a push-pull dynamic with sx's can be confused. There is NEVER any push pull for me with a love connection - there certainly is in connections that don't meet that bar (which is most of them). And it is pretty much not to lead someone on too much really. I mean we have this really great connection on some level(s) and we are highly intimate with each other (which of course for an sx is beyond the purely physical sex itself) well without some sort of boundary as to where this will lead sort of thing people can get confused here. So there needs to be a pull back to "reality" after these intense explorations into the intimacy - because the reality is that though there is something special here on some level - well I know it will never reach THE level of the long-term love match for me. Our push pull is not always we are afraid of the intimacy lol, sometimes our push-pull is people/connection specific and a way of balancing wanting to explore intense intimacy with the reality that this is not going to lead to "love." And we do usually highly value and love these people on some level it just isn't the mythical level of "love" that we need. I am actually very ethical about this too and have tended not to have drama or lead people on here, I only explore this intimacy into the sexual area with people who can handle it per say, that I judge can handle the push pull of heightened intimacy back to the appropriate distance of reality. Even if I am incredibly curious about someone if I sense that they cannot handle that sort of situation (I kind of go with intuition) I will not explore it at all.

But that being said . . . though there are infinite connections to be made with people that can excite me on some level, I have become far less "promiscuous" one can say with age. I can come off as almost celibate now because I hardly meet people that I would like to have sex with anymore, and when I was younger there seemed to be a lot of those I ended up meeting. In a way this is totally a 7 thing in seeking new experiences. With people that I can have somewhat of an attraction for, and feel some level of connection with, well I often find my inner self feeling a "been there done that" sort of thing. I feel like I have experienced/been with this person before if that makes sense. So as a 7sx I have found that even though we start out being people who can be highly sexually active, we eventually can become the polar opposite in a way. The new experiences and new connections combined to really float our boat that make us voracious for more intimacy and more connection in getting these "highs" so to speak leading to the sexual being excited you could say are fewer and far between as we age.
 

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I take relationships very seriously. I like to feel completely engrossed in the relationship. I have a natural tendency to put an unhealthy focus on my relationships. I also tend to idealize that things are perfect even when they're really not. I've gotten good at calling myself out on it though! I don't really "date". Raw, emotional, intense connections are what I seek, and you can't just have those with anybody walking down the street. Someone has to have that something extra special... an energy that just can't be described by the human tongue. If it's there, I feel it immediately. Nothing is left to question. I know what I want, and I go for it if it's available.

When somebody can't maintain eye contact with me for a long period of time, I'm a little put off. It makes me feel as if they're hiding something. My posture is very open. I exude confidence, and I'm almost always subconsciously on the outlook for someone with whom I feel I can jive. It's not everyday that I feel truly connected to somebody.

I like being with somebody who loves me as strongly as I love them. I love hard, so once again, it's a very difficult thing to find. I'm fiery, vivacious, and pretty merry... like santa, only cuter... most days :p I love to love, and I love to be loved. It's a very special and rare thing for me though.

My boyfriend who is sp/so described my approach to dating/relationships like this: "put simply, I'd say it's a very serious, dedicated and genuine approach. something that's actually pretty rare, from my observations."
Could not agree with this more.
 
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