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QUEEN PEEN
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Discussion Starter #1
So much conflict xD It really is such a burden to try to keep tabs on myself. My sx variant, Fi, and 1 gut fix bicker back and forth with each other constantly. Ugh, lol. I want to live according to my desires, but I don't like the idea of not being on a short leash :shocked:

This is bull shit, lol. Can anyone relate at all?
 

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So much conflict xD It really is such a burden to try to keep tabs on myself. My sx variant, Fi, and 1 gut fix bicker back and forth with each other constantly. Ugh, lol. I want to live according to my desires, but I don't like the idea of not being on a short leash :shocked:

This is bull shit, lol. Can anyone relate at all?
taking some time to clearly define your beliefs would probably help a lot. I know it did for me (I'm also a 1 fixed 7w8 ENFP). fortunately for me, the beliefs I hold don't hinder my desires, rather the encourage them. I am an objectivist, libertarian, darkworker (someone who focuses primarily on their own self interest and desires and does not believe in self sacrifice) so I basically think that
- forcing other people to do something and making decisions that yield undeserved adverse consequences for them is wrong
- other than that, get money, enjoy your life and do whatever the hell you want =P
 

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I wonder if its like this:

I want to do enjoy myself, but I can't because it feels wrong, but it also feels wrong not to. Self control and ideals are preventing other more self indulgent ideals.

I feel guilty so I do the self sacrificing thing, but that Isn't really what I want to do. Sometimes I manage not to, but the feelings will tear me apart if something comes out of it that makes me guilty.

I have a need to conform and a want to rebel at the same time and the conflict is ever present in me. I don't have a desire to help, but I feel guilty if I don't.

Does that make any sense?

Example: chilling at home with a glass of wine reading wikipedia vs. going out to help a friend's aquaintence. The first i want to do and the second one not, but i do it regardless or I'll feel bad.
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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9,303 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I wonder if its like this:

I want to do enjoy myself, but I can't because it feels wrong, but it also feels wrong not to. Self control and ideals are preventing other more self indulgent ideals.

I feel guilty so I do the self sacrificing thing, but that Isn't really what I want to do. Sometimes I manage not to, but the feelings will tear me apart if something comes out of it that makes me guilty.

I have a need to conform and a want to rebel at the same time and the conflict is ever present in me. I don't have a desire to help, but I feel guilty if I don't.


Example: chilling at home with a glass of wine reading wikipedia vs. going out to help a friend's aquaintence. The first i want to do and the second one not, but i do it regardless or I'll feel bad.
The bolded hits home in a lot of ways. I would rephrase the italicized like this: "I actually do want to help. It's the right thing to do, and I do enjoy it; however, when I'm having my moments of indulgence, I am greatly frustrated by distractions of any sort. Even when it's an emergency, I get snappy if my focus is broken. I want to do things my way on my own time." Also, the only people whose opinions even remotely matter to me are my family's. My family is... ehhh... quite conservative. There's nothing wrong with being conservative, but I can't handle the emotional stress that would stem from offending my family if I were to live my life the way I wanted to. I'm constantly having to hold myself back. I hold back from everything it seems. I can't deny who I am and what I want, but who I am and what I want just doesn't always seem right and/or healthy :S lol. It's VERY hard to restrain myself.
 

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The bolded hits home in a lot of ways. I would rephrase the italicized like this: "I actually do want to help. It's the right thing to do, and I do enjoy it; however, when I'm having my moments of indulgence, I am greatly frustrated by distractions of any sort. Even when it's an emergency, I get snappy if my focus is broken. I want to do things my way on my own time." Also, the only people whose opinions even remotely matter to me are my family's. My family is... ehhh... quite conservative. There's nothing wrong with being conservative, but I can't handle the emotional stress that would stem from offending my family if I were to live my life the way I wanted to. I'm constantly having to hold myself back. I hold back from everything it seems. I can't deny who I am and what I want, but who I am and what I want just doesn't always seem right and/or healthy :S lol. It's VERY hard to restrain myself.
:\ damn...Sx is a real pain in the ass. I mostly have a problem with rigidity, in a sense that I can't let go to enjoy myself for various idiotic reasons. Even when the drive to do so is really pushing from the inside. It kind of is like a pressure cooker, it builds and builds, until I find myself in a situation where I can safely "let it out"...which manifests in "insane intensity and rush like sensation from what I'm doing". I get high on the moment.

Interestingly enough I don't deal in "moderation", with me its always either end of the extreme. It has been so since I can think.
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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Discussion Starter #6
:\ damn...Sx is a real pain in the ass. I mostly have a problem with rigidity, in a sense that I can't let go to enjoy myself for various idiotic reasons. Even when the drive to do so is really pushing from the inside. It kind of is like a pressure cooker, it builds and builds, until I find myself in a situation where I can safely "let it out"...which manifests in "insane intensity and rush like sensation from what I'm doing". I get high on the moment.

Interestingly enough I don't deal in "moderation", with me its always either end of the extreme. It has been so since I can think.
I have moments like that when I'm under an tremendous amount of emotional stress. My variant will appear to be sp/sx or sp/so depending on how I have to go about dealing with it. That's a pain in the ass, too, though... well, for me at least.
 
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