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Discussion Starter #1
Obviously sx is more than just romance and a relationship focus, as the varient dabbles into risk, obsession with interests, passion, desire for excitement, merging, etc etc etc. Despite that, many of the descriptions, stereotypes, and mistypes revolving around the sx varient regard strong sexual feelings or passions towards others. I’d imagine it would be somewhat more difficult for an asexual individual to identify with the sx varient right off the bat with descriptions of the varient being so misleading.

So my question is, if you are an asexual and a sx dom/aux, how easy was it for you to figure out you had sx high in your stack?
 

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This is me.

It was fairly obvious - most sx descriptions might be preoccupied with sex, but they'll also note that it's more about "interpersonal intensity" and list some of the other behaviours you started with. Those fit me to a T even though sexual pursuit doesn't, and it was evident to me beside the other two instinct descriptions that that was me.

Some people here have fought me about how the two are mutually exclusive but I absolutely disagree.

I'll, as an aside, note that I am often described as being "intense" but also "seductive", "flirty", even overtly so - to the point of criticism - by people around me even though I'm often not trying to be, and several former and current partners have described me as "very sexual" even though it's absolutely not something I'd describe myself as, as a person pretty totally without sexual attraction/desire towards others - often intense and intimate personal interaction is taken as sexually motivated, and I would say it's that interactive style that's at the core of sx.

From your instinctive pseudo-theory perspective, that makes sense. It's the behaviour of inspiring intimate and sexual value that ensures your survival, not necessarily wanting to bone all the time, and as a social style, makes sense that it can co-occur with asexuality.
 

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Honestly its hard for me to distinguish what sx is, so I just assumed its my last instinct. I don't have any drive for romantic relationships either, but I do want strong familial and friendly relationships. I thought that was more So, but maybe i've been interpreting it all wrong. Maybe sp/sx is actually more accurate for me. In any case sp is still definitely my main instinct, hands down. Its so painfully obvious.
 

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I don't want to conflate instinctual variants with cognitive functions, but Social seems to read a little like Fe. It's more about being respected in your community or making an impact in your community in some fashion, with the manifestation differing depending on your core type. I'm single right now, but I'm very close to my parents and my brother. Someone leading with a sexual variant doesn't need to be sexually active or even sexual, but enjoys close, personal relationships of all types, and can likewise be somewhat fiery and passionate.
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
Honestly its hard for me to distinguish what sx is, so I just assumed its my last instinct. I don't have any drive for romantic relationships either, but I do want strong familial and friendly relationships. I thought that was more So, but maybe i've been interpreting it all wrong. Maybe sp/sx is actually more accurate for me. In any case sp is still definitely my main instinct, hands down. Its so painfully obvious.
Yeah, same here basically. I also ended up being sp/so. To me, sx sort of seemed foreign in most respects, I think I considered it for a total of 5 minutes purely because I could relate to 9 sp/sx descriptions a little bit more than the 9 sp/so descriptions. What you describe here sounds more so than sx. Everyone wants strong ties in some place or another, it just depends on whether its a focus or not. With me, I want intimate friendships and to share every aspect of myself with someone I care about (not really in a romantic way though), but I place way more importance on feeling secure than I'd like and also avoid risk more than a person with sx in their stack would. I also feel more comfort when I am at a certain distance from everyone, but I think that's more driven by my personality and core fears than an instinctual variant.

I don't want to conflate instinctual variants with cognitive functions, but Social seems to read a little like Fe. It's more about being respected in your community or making an impact in your community in some fashion, with the manifestation differing depending on your core type. I'm single right now, but I'm very close to my parents and my brother. Someone leading with a sexual variant doesn't need to be sexually active or even sexual, but enjoys close, personal relationships of all types, and can likewise be somewhat fiery and passionate.
Yeah, the social instinct is often mistaken for Fe especially in high Fi users and it's described very similarly to Fe for some reason (probably because the vast majority of Fe doms are not so blind). It doesn't help that both Fe and SO are butchered in most descriptions of them, which makes the two even harder to differentiate.
 

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Maybe I'll start identifying with sp/sx. After doing a bit more reading SO really doesn't match well with me. I hate being part of groups, and I hate the idea of social status! I'm not naturally orientated towards embracing the group mentality, i'm kind of antisocial, even.

Sx is also described as being full of intensity, I don't show it but i do feel quite intense about specific people and things on the inside. Maybe a little obsessive sometimes, but again not in any romantic or sexual way.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Maybe I'll start identifying with sp/sx. After doing a bit more reading SO really doesn't match well with me. I hate being part of groups, and I hate the idea of social status! I'm kind of antisocial, even.

Sx is also described as being full of intensity, I don't show it but i do feel quite intense about specific people and things on the inside. Maybe a little obsessive sometimes, but again not in any romantic or sexual way.
That's actually an incredibly common misconception about SO (again, butchered descriptions). I'm going to find you the link I found that actually does a good job describing SO and paste it here for you, because the social instinct isn't actually social and not always group oriented (I also hate the idea of social status and am most definitely sp/so, some have argued the possibility for so/sp for me).

@FestiveTamale
Edit: http://personalitycafe.com/enneagra...ce-thread-instinctual-variants-stackings.html This one doesn't suck too bad (though I find this version of SO difficult to relate to as well, probably because I am grossly sp heavy. The sx blind descriptions are what sold me). I had a good resource that I had that even went over common typing pit falls, but I haven't been able to find that one for a year or so, so this one will have to do. This one is semi decent because it brings up the counter societal aspect of SO that is often mistaken for strong SX, especially in high Fi users (Fi is a semi intense function depending on the ennea-combo, just not always in the SX way which creates a ton of confusion).
 

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"Social is aimed at species survival as a whole"
Yikes, don't look at my comments in the "voluntary human extinction thread." That being said, I display the unhealthy So characteristics. And the sp ones as well "overeating, overindulging, undersleeping, oversleeping."

I have this urge to buy a fridge and keep a ton of frozen veggies and healthy meats in bulk so I don't have to spend time shopping as much and can lazily lose weight via healthy eating habits. If i was an animal i'd be a hamster.
 
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I'm demisexual which is technically a form of asexuality (or grey asexuality). I don't have sex, I don't find good looking men 'hot' -- I basically act asexual until I'm in a serious long term relationship. I'm also 'sensitive' towards sex in a lot of ways, some might even see me as prudish (I don't like talking about sex in any detail with people and a few other 'odd' things).

This is kind of funny though bc I'm unmistakably SX (it's easy to tell from the general SX descriptions, including all the non sexual ways, plus the SX descritions in each of my tritype are accurate). I'm also in the smaller subset of demisexuals who have a normal or above sex drive. And I view sex very positively. So I think about sex with Mr Compatible a lot. I expect it will be a large part of my married life. I'm very driven towards having an ideal romantic relationship. I always expected I would marry (or equivalent) relatively young.

I suspect my SX instinct is behind my sexuality since I tend to focus on aspects of sex other than the pleasure I will feel (the way regular people seem to) -- my mind instead goes to things like the connecting aspect and the intensity (in emotion or other). Even my demisexuality itself seems to be a way for my SX instinct to increase sensitivity and therefore the intensity. So yeah, I think one of the possible expressions of being SX is being asexual -- even if only until the ideal person you could merge/'pair bond' with comes along.

I know another SX who is demisexual in the same way I am. The only asexual I know of who never wants any sex or romantic relationships, now or ever (and sees all sex as disgusting), is a female who is very clearly SP/SO. It seems the asexuality term covers quite a range and, in my experience, SX types can fall into it.
 

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An additional typing point, as many of the users who pointed it out to me have moved on: your instincts can also be something you're "sensitive" to as @Dare says above.

I'm sx/so. I denied that could be correct for a long time because I was very anti-social, I Do Not Play Well In Groups, but it was pointed out to me that this tends to be rather than me being oblivious to them or neglecting them that instead I'm very sensitive to group structures - I'm concerned with / involved in / angry about politics, I can observe group dynamics easily, and I suffer when I'm not included and get obsessed with being included - even if my obsession lands me in being furious at a scene for rejecting me for nothing (usually because I am a very intense, socially awkward person who is angry at them! and sometimes because I'm a weird looking queer :p ). That's still the social instinct, because I'm still sensitive to it and working off of it.

On the other hand, I can totally forget about my living space and resources and body and often not even care that things are in total disarray, and the more I disintegrate, the more I neglect that blind spot.
 

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I never felt like Sx-dom really had much to do with sex in a literal sense. I think the level of your sex drive (in a strictly physical way-- which asexuality is) is a biological thing rather than anything to do with your personality. There is so much extra personality /psychological stuff surrounding sex, relationships, intensity, etc, etc... It goes so far beyond the literal act of sex.

I'm not asexual, but I definitely was a late bloomer in terms of sexuality, and even now my sex drive is fairly low. However, I've always known I'm a Sx-dom, because I recognized the capacity in me for obsession and extreme attachment, being driven by chemistry/ instinct, and so on.
 
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