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Hi all,

I'm having a hard time making communication and boundary-establishment fair with my ENTP boyfriend (of a couple of months). To further complicate matters, we live in the same house as 'housemates', and have a lot of friends in common that we also live with, whom we both socialise with a lot.

I'm mindful to give him space, and not fish for compliments as much as is possible (what can I say, I'm a classic ENFP! :tongue:). At the weekends, he usually initiates that we hang out - so we go and do things with our mutual friends, or we'll go record shopping or just hang out at home together. At these times he's very affectionate and caring, as well as being so in front of our friends - him and our friend were mixing the other night and three times he came over to kiss me on the forehead, and was looking over and smiling at me a lot). When we're in public he always wants to hold my hand, and he's picked up on my mannerisms, and even the way I phrase things, or quirky phrases that I use. He has a hard time giving me compliments - if I say something nice to him like "You're really attractive, he usually just repeats it back like "I think you're attractive, too" in quite an awkward way but I get this is just part of how he is, and at least when he does give a compliment very occasionally it seems very genuine.

As a ENTP, I thought he was supposed to like new experiences - and I know this is a part of his personality. However, when I plan things - going to exhibitions, a dance class (that he was bugging me for ages to invite him and our friends to - I'm a dancer but he's not) - or even just meeting my friend from back home, 9 times out of 10 he 'feels weird' or 'feels down' and he doesn't tell me till the last minute he's not going to do something. He does apologise for these things but usually a day later by which time I'm annoyed. The same thing happens even if I want to hang out at home - last night I really wanted some, ahem, 'fun times' and though in the day he said he would be around, when it came down to it he was like "oh I've been for a run.... and now I'm tired". Woke up to an apology this morning saying 'sorry I haven't been around much this week... I've just felt weird'. Exact same thing happened last week - avoiding spending time with me if I initiated it, then an apology towards the end of the week. A couple of nights ago, he asked if I wanted to stay in his room, and as soon as we went to bed he put a tv show on his laptop so nothing happened then either. Again, if he initiates 'fun stuff', he's so up for it and it's amazing.

I decided to tackle it head on and replied to say that 'I don't need or want to be with you every evening, or all evening. It just seems like you're avoiding 'fun stuff' with me this week, which doesn't feel great I'll be honest. Hopefully we can catch up over the weekend. Anyway, there's this dance class on Sunday blah blah blah' - which he hasn't replied to.

Note that when it's things he wants to do, and there are a lot of them, he always does them.

I don't want to be attached to him or limit him, I just want a) for us to have more of these cool new experiences together that I though would be a great part of the ENFP/ENTP experience b) him to just follow through and do some of the things he says he wants to do with me (when I initiate) and c) be able to ask him to do stuff without feeling that I'm appearing 'clingy'.

Oh, now I see he's invited me to an event going on tonight (via facebook invite). But still hasn't replied to anything I said before.... SO MANY MIXED MESSAGES.

Help! Please! How can I address this? I really like him.
 

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I've had similar troubles to your boyfriend when I've been in relationships, and sometimes just feel that I need a bit of space for whatever reason. If he persists, then maybe try confronting it again, and show him how serious you are. If he says that the withdrawal is due to other factors - ones that aren't related to your existance - then maybe try show your support without forcing it down his throat.

Overall, I think the best thing to do might be to bide your time a bit and gather as much information on the situation as possible. Hope this helps.
 

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I really dunno with this. You're just going to have to talk to him and have a direct, open conversation about it. All I can think of is that maybe he really doesn't want to do the things you want to, like going dancing or whatever, but he doesn't want to admit it or something so he's just avoiding it instead. Maybe a sort of "eyes are bigger than his stomach" kind of deal. No idea, ask him.
 
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