Recently I lost a close friend of mine after I admitted interest in her for the sake of "getting it out of my thoughts". And as a result, my mind's been blank and lifeless, realizing that I haven't had that many close friends, let alone good friends, to begin with. I can't even process my thoughts to think rationally. I could only say that it's my fault for driving the person away like that. If I withheld and controlled those thoughts more properly, I wouldn't have had to deal with all this and lose a friendship that I valued so much of. If I was more prepared for it, then the loss wouldn't even have to matter, but I wasn't, unfortunately. And now, I find many things to be extremely distasteful.