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Hello there guys. INFP right here :happy: .

So I just have a few curiosities about INFJ's , i think I know a few things about you guys but I would like to learn more about you guys, because ived recently been talking to this awesome INFJ ( What infj isnt awesome ? ) and I want to know more about your guys way of thinking and acting . I am simply curious because I know you guys can get easily driven away and startled and being as rare of an encounter as they are I dont want to scare her away.
So far when we have talked it has entered into a deep conversation but its mostly one sided from my part. but a few of the things that kind of worry me would be that im bringing up profound and talk about our feelings and thoughts ( Once again , mostly from my side ) which makes me feel like she might feel weird about despite I know INFJ's despite small talk.
I also feel like I should try to listen to her more often that wat I speak because she is going ot think I am attached and stuff like that. ...

So ... yeah .. I would love to hear what you guys think about this in general.
Thanks in approximation
 

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Is this a potential romantic interest? Are you interested just in friendship? It depends on so many things. She might be very reserved, but I doubt this because when I'm next to an INFP I can't shut up. I have so many things to talk about that I can't stop. I am very reserved also, but not with fellow INFPs or ENFPs. Unless... I'm not interested in them as people.

I like to listen a lot, but I will participate to a discussion actively, at least as a form of confirmation of interest. Sometimes you'll be begging for a chance to talk. Other times I will exhaust an idea systematically to make sure I told you everything about it and that nothing is left untouched. What kind of stuff do you talk about? You mentioned feelings, what kind of feelings, care to share?

Sometimes the natural INFJ-INFP connection just does not work. One of the partners is under developed or over developed, one is unhealthy or both, or simply no other reason.
 

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Of 5 women that have claimed to be INFJs to me in the real world, I only considered one of them to be remotely personable. The other 4 came across as guarded, withdrawn, and perhaps a little too professional or robotic in a way. Sure, they appeared to be patient, attentive, and generally responsive, yet it had this element of speaking & saying nothing at the same time.

When I reflect back I hope they found me obnoxious or intrusive in a way as that would make me feel a lot more comfortable about how mind numbingly boring the conversations were, but who knows? I don't doubt the depth and inner workings of an INFJ (or any type for that matter), but I do question their ability to bring it out or share it. In my case, I felt like they were like a chameleon blending into the scenery.

My only real advice to you is that you have to be cautious when you're analyzing or using probing questions on people. For some, this triggers their self defence mechanism and they close off while simultaneously trying to analyze you or your intentions. If I was a gambling man I'd bet INFJs are prone to this.
 

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Ask probing questions...If she doesn't respond to them she probably doesn't feel like you are someone she can share with. Put the spotlight on her and make her feel special. Don't make the conversations all about your thoughts - ask her how she feels about it too and try to follow where her train of thought is going.

@Lad I've had the same problem with the male INFJ I've met except for one :-/ The one who opened up was enneagram 5 though, and we had the enneagram 1 5 thing where we amused the shit out of one another so much, that it helped the conversations flow naturally.
 

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I second @badweather

We'll have a sense of whether we should open up to you or not. Factors such as your intelligence, conscientiousness, common interests, etc., will all play roles in determining how she will react to any interest you may show her.

My ENFP boyfriend got me to open up by establishing that he was highly intelligent and capable of having a conversation with me that I sincerely enjoyed. After that, it wasn't long before I was telling him my life story (well, this also had to do with him being an ENFP -- that boy will ask just about anybody for their life story, for better or worse) and baring my Ni for him to study. We've been almost inseparable ever since.

If she gets that sense with you, she will respond accordingly. If she doesn't seem to be responding positively, give her space and wait for her to express interest. If she never does, then don't press the issue.
 

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I'm not sure if this applies to all female INFJ either, but I definitely like it when guys take the time to pick me apart and understand me. I know some guys gauge if a female likes him if she keeps talking to him and he gauges it from there -- for me, I kind of need the guy to keep picking at me and getting me to talk. If he's romantically interested in me I get afraid and tend to clam up because I'm not sure I know enough about him to just talk to him about stuff. A lot of romantic suitors of mine lost interest because I have a hard time just talking and opening up. In my mind it is like, I barely know enough about this person, if it is important enough that he has to know, he'll pry me open...And that makes me feel special and wanted.
 

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Just because a person is a complementary type is not the reason for me to open up or to like him as a friend or a romantic interest.


Then again, I am quite talkative socially, if someone is talking to me first. I feel bad not to converse with this person. During the process of the conversation, I usually know if I was romantically attracted to this person. 99 out of 100 times the answer was a definite NO. The friendship potential takes more time to decide. If I don't feel a connection, I'd be polite but distant in future encounters (definitely talk less).


Personally I prefer people who know a lot of different subject matters, not those who only know one or two subjects well and in depth. Talking is so much funner with a person who can wax poetically on 100 different topics. It really gets my Ni and Ti going.
 
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@Lad
This is why i would never date a fellow INFJ. I think other types can bring out more than the same J types in general.
I am certain i will end up with either ENFP or ENTP as a partner in crime.
-Ob.
 
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