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MOTM Jan 2014
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I've noticed that many people find it sexy when someone is wild and individualistic, and many people pursue "wild women" and "wild men." But I am wondering - does it stop there? If someone thinks for themselves, is wild, intense, passionate - would you marry them? Would you cherish this person for who they are, their independent mind and highly personal views? Or would you want them for a plaything but not for marriage? Let's presume this person has a wild streak and won't listen to other people's rules or play by the books but is honest about who they are, true to their own values, and true to you; takes your feelings into consideration on a personal basis, but just doesn't follow the herd. Would you marry them? Or would you feel more comfortable settling down with someone predictable and "well put together," who can say all the right things at a social gathering and present well and fill the socially expected wife/husband role and play by all the rules? Job, 2.5 kids, white picket fence, traditional wedding, etc.
 

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I would want someone who had both, and under control. Someone who knew when it was appropriate to let the freak flag fly and when it was appropriate to try to "blend in". It's a sign of maturity i think, to be able to adjust to the needs of a situation. I could not build a life with someone who was not predictable in the sense that i knew that i could rely on her to have her shit together when i needed her to. If we had kids, a house and other obligations then obviously the wild streak would have to be exercised to a lesser degree or it wouldn't work.

Apart from that i am the same way. I am an individual and fuck anyone who tries to tell me what to do. But i am also a realist and a member of society. I have material ambitions, i want a family. I am prepared to sacrifice some of my wildness in order to reach other things that i also desire. A potential wife would have to be the same. You can't have the cake and eat it.
 

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I dunno. I wouldn't want somebody who spouts off every potentially offensive thing that comes to mind while hanging out with new people. But that's just cause I wouldn't want their crass attitude to be considered my attitude by association.

I think my only major issue with unpredictable is when "unpredictable" translates to "randomly crass/offensive/rude for no apparent reason." I don't want a trophy, but I guess I would want someone who can present well - or, at least, gives it the old college try. I certainly wouldn't want somebody who often does the opposite of presenting well out of pure spite.

All I can think of that would make me in favor of the one over the other is negative interpretations of words like "wild" and "unpredictable."

I mean, I'm not exactly wild or unpredictable, but I can be a bit of a social outsider. I still play the game though, to a point, because I think it'd be exhausting to deal with the consequences of giving the game the middle finger on a regular basis.

That said, ask me again in 20 years and I could be saying "wild thing" all the way. Who knows.
 
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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I would want someone who had both, and under control. Someone who knew when it was appropriate to let the freak flag fly and when it was appropriate to try to "blend in". It's a sign of maturity i think, to be able to adjust to the needs of a situation. I could not build a life with someone who was not predictable in the sense that i knew that i could rely on her to have her shit together when i needed her to. If we had kids, a house and other obligations then obviously the wild streak would have to be exercised to a lesser degree or it wouldn't work.

Apart from that i am the same way. I am an individual and fuck anyone who tries to tell me what to do. But i am also a realist and a member of society. I have material ambitions, i want a family. I am prepared to sacrifice some of my wildness in order to reach other things that i also desire. A potential wife would have to be the same. You can't have the cake and eat it.
Just have to say, I agree with this 100%. I could not have phrased it better myself. I need someone independent who thinks for himself and makes his own rules - but I would not want him to be rude for its own sake, to the point where I couldn't bring him anywhere without problems.

That's why I threw in the "takes your feelings into consideration" bit, though. A person who is rude to your family, friends or co-workers isn't taking your feelings into consideration.

I find it interesting that both you and @LostFavor interpreted it as someone potentially being out of control.. it is interesting to see how the idea of "Wildness" can end up being associated with rudeness, spite, etc. I totally get it though. I can't deal with people who are rude and obnoxious for the sake of it myself, but I guess that's not the first place my mind would go if I read a description of someone who had a wild streak but was attentive to your needs. Interesting how the association was made though.. and I can see how in some cases, that would end up going together.
 

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Well, I like things to be predictable for the most part, so I don't think I'd like someone to be too much of a wildcard.
 

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Well I'm the individualistic and emotionally explosive one, albeit in a very withdrawn, private and inwardly deep way, so I can't say although I like a certain degree of unpredictability and passion in both and I'm genuinely relieved that the other side is a lot more collected than I am. But I don't think that a 'wilder' nature implies lack of commitment, I'm extremely committed and very much in tune with what I feel, want and need, with what I know it's right for me.

That said, I never wanted a 9-to-5 suburban life with a passionless marriage and kids.
Social graces? Learning how to be less socially retarded and less self focused would be a huge leap already.

But honestly I don't care about most of that. I am me and if I don't perceive a flaw as a negative thing, I see little reason to change it just because I'm socially or conventionally expected to behave a certain way, I'm not even sure about which way indeed as I define and know who I am. But I love the idea of maturing and growing constantly with the person I love, naturally and thoroughly correcting my own mistakes without erasing their past existence but using that as a way to remind myself how not to lose control of myself and how to walk closer to my own personal ideal while keeping both happy and loved.

But if something's not an issue, there's no need to change the person you love.
If someone wants a socially graceful, traditional lady that's their own preference and who they should seek to begin with. Why going for someone they dislike? Same goes for those "bad boy" reformers, no just no.

Taming is a ridiculous concept, unless it comes from willingness and a genuine change of heart.
Change and growth imply mutual respect, maturity and extreme self awareness. Not erasing who you are.
 

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MOTM Sept 2014
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I think people are attracted to things like that - someone who is wild and free spirited - but usually secretly want them to change. I'm not exactly wild, but I am stubborn and independent and opinionated. A lot of men are attracted to my "I don't want to get married, I don't want a wedding, etc" type of attitude, but it's funny because eventually they all want to marry me. Which seems totally backwards to me, and I can only imagine they like that I won't pressure them to get married or buy me stuff, so much so that it makes them want to marry me. Lol. So far nobody has taken me at my word, and it's frustrating in many ways. It almost seems like a lack of respect for my wishes. As though I am not serious, or don't know what I want.

Thats basically how I see it with free spirited people. I think a lot of people are attracted to them and maybe do want to marry them, but few people are willing to actually accept that wild person for who they are. They want the wildness there to excite them, but they want to domesticate them too.
 

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Wow you just addressed why I am going thru a divorce.

Anyways its very possible to get the proposal. Problems that usually arise down the road if the two do not evolve together.

I think its very possible for a successful relationship if the maybe more traditional person takes pride in the more 'wild spirits' individuality. And isn't bothered by it for it to work. The problem is when someone tries to convert another person. Like how you reference, taming.

Theres two things that seem to be important factors here.
Values & Security.

Values if the peoples values contradict each other in a way that can really impact things down the road. You can't force values and beliefs. People that have extremely personal traditional view points sometimes (not always have a hard time separating their personal beliefs from their expectations of others, i.e. lifestyle expectations, religious affiliations, political affiliations). This can be worked past if the two have understandings and compromises on what they respect the other to believe individually, and what they expect to compromise on. If its one ended from either side trying to convert the other to their approach to life forget it.

Security is something that is extremely important with both in this sort of dynamic. Free spirits often have a sort of demeanor, air, and confidence about them that attracts. Its often how the opposites attract dynamic even happens. But because of this it can work against the couple if the person is insecure about the free spirits march to their own beat approach. Its easy for them to feel inferior if they are insecure. If the person is secure its not going to bug them as much to have a more exotic (eccentric) mate that sometimes can be a fire cracker. Theres some people that gleam with pride to be able to say wow thats my mate I love who they are. But theres others that have a serious problem with anything outside their norm.

You made a valid point about the subject possibly being valued for their novelty. As well.

I think that it just depends on the individuals and how evolved they are individually as well as together. How well they can compromise MUTUALLY.

I think genders and location expectations play a huge role. In some places in society its probably not going to stick out. In other places theres double standards with both sides and depending which gender is what role matters on how the dynamics will play out.

Anyways in my case it didn't go well, but I still have seen plenty of cases where it does go well. Unfortunately I didn't realize how much I was with someone who did put my value on being a sort of trophy wife. Which I to some matter initially tried to compromise with, but when it felt one sided I diverted much more back to my independent self. And it caused a lot of resentment and demonizing (for things that were always apart of my character and had been adjusted, but reverted back once the realization there was not mutual compromise was out there. I really keep trying to stress tho that I don't take my personal experience as if that its always the case I have seen many relationships where the dynamics work out well thru mutual compromise and devotion. But yeah I didn't fair well as soon as I stopped compromising on my end since I didn't feel it mutual I was demonized heavily. Verbally and physically abused, probably because I retracted and reverted rather then stay with the conversion that had evolved. It was a matter of one party being to accustomed to their values being respected and expecting it to be their way or no way. I will say that I enabled it by not demanding more mutual compromise much earlier, and letting someone have so much one-sided expectation. I set the conditions by allowing it. Its important in these sort of blends that their be mutual compromise. Because yeah otherwise someone can easily be there as a token novelty or trophy spouse. (And really it can happen with either gender both ways seen it both ways).

I think its a big thing I look to spot for, is to not be on a pedestal regarded for what someone thinks I can represent for them, but rather if someone is interested in me as an individual and I them.
 

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It depends. Are they wild in a destructive way? Drama, drugs, not being faithful, impulsive risky behavior? Hell no. If they are wild in a free thinking way, that's solid though. I'm not sure if they were more wild than I was though, that could get interesting.
 

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Would someone wild, uninhibited, passionate, individualistic and etc want to get married? If they genuinely did they must have changed, or desire a non-standard marriage. More likely they'd be responding to something they think their partner wants and are trying to change/suppress some aspect of themselves and that never ends well. Currently I can't see any reason why I'd want to get married but assuming I did it wouldn't be to someone like that since they'd either have to have 'calmed down' (in which case would I still be attracted to them?) or they would be changing to try and please me which I would not put up with.
 

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Animal, can anybody tame you? Would you want them to?

;)
 

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Just have to say, I agree with this 100%. I could not have phrased it better myself. I need someone independent who thinks for himself and makes his own rules - but I would not want him to be rude for its own sake, to the point where I couldn't bring him anywhere without problems.

That's why I threw in the "takes your feelings into consideration" bit, though. A person who is rude to your family, friends or co-workers isn't taking your feelings into consideration.

I find it interesting that both you and @LostFavor interpreted it as someone potentially being out of control.. it is interesting to see how the idea of "Wildness" can end up being associated with rudeness, spite, etc. I totally get it though. I can't deal with people who are rude and obnoxious for the sake of it myself, but I guess that's not the first place my mind would go if I read a description of someone who had a wild streak but was attentive to your needs. Interesting how the association was made though.. and I can see how in some cases, that would end up going together.
I guess i don't consider what you describe to be very wild at all. It's more a prerequisite for attraction. Wild to me carries different connotations. Not all bad, but certainly not all good. It makes me think of certain people i know that are great as fair time friends, but who can't be relied on.

Could you elaborate on what you mean with wild?
 

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I think people like that are highly attractive, and they often pull me out of my comfort zone and get me to do things I never would have otherwise. I'd definitely marry a "wild" person, even if it would mean some awkward moments at family events. :tongue:
 
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MOTM Aug 2014
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I've noticed that many people find it sexy when someone is wild and individualistic, and many people pursue "wild women" and "wild men." But I am wondering - does it stop there? If someone thinks for themselves, is wild, intense, passionate - would you marry them? Would you cherish this person for who they are, their independent mind and highly personal views?
Yes .
@KindOfBlue06 being sappy again, sorry not sorry.



 

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Yes I would actually prefer to marry someone like that, as long as they are actually true to themselves and to me and take my feelings into consideration. However taming an "animal" to me doesn't imply not wanting a white picket fence, but someone who actually may be unfaithful, shallow, violent, exploitative, have serious addiction problems, or have unaddressed severe mental health concerns, and ain't nobody got time for that, at least nobody who wants a stable adult relationship that is nourishing rather than draining and co-dependent. 
 
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