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  1. [*] Feed Your Strengths! Do things that allow your brilliant intuition and service-oriented manner to flourish.
    [*] Face Your Weaknesses! See your weaknesses for what they are, and seek to overcome them. Especially, strive to use your judgment against your internal ideas and intuitions, rather than as a means of disregarding other people's ideas.
    [*] Talk Through Your Thoughts. You need to step through your intuitions in order to put them into perspective. Give yourself time to do this, and take advantage of discussing ideas with others. You'll find externalizing your internal intuitions to be a valuable exercise.
    [*] Take in Everything. Don't dismiss ideas prematurely because you don't respect the person generating the ideas, or because you think you already know it all. After all, everybody has something to offer, and nobody knows everything. Steven Covey says it so well when he says: "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."
    [*] When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others, or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner.
    [*] Keep Your Eye on the Big Picture Watch out for your tendency to become obsessed with details. If you find yourself feeling very, very strongly about a small detail, take a big step back and make sure that you can still see the goal. You're not going to get there if you get mired in the details.
    [*] Be Accountable for Yourself. Don't blame the problems in your life on other people. Look inwardly for solutions. No one has more control over your life than you have.
    [*] Be Humble. Judge yourself at least as harshly as you judge others.
    [*] Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself and others by dwelling on the dark side of everything. Just as there is a positive charge for every negative charge, there is a light side to every dark side. Remember that positive situations are created by positive attitudes. Expect the best, and the best will come forward.
    [*] Relax! Do yourself a favor and learn how to effectively unwind. Get exercise and restful sleep. Take vacations. Engage in relaxing activities. Take care of yourself and your loved ones by learning to let go of your passion and intensity for a respite.
..........................


So I was reading this and I got me thinking(big shock there LOL)

What do you think your biggest challenge would be on the list?, and I plan to accomplish them for myself over time.


I guess you could say that number 9 is my biggest issue right now, its not that I don't blame people for what I do but I'm 18 now so I'm in need to learn to being more accountable towards my actions as a adult.


what are your guys thoughts on the list?
 

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Good post. All the points you have put up so far are valid. I especially relate to rule number 7 about keeping your eye on the big picture. It always helps me to see things in perspective.

I would like to add the following rule:

Create Meaning in Your Life: It is important to know why you are here, what you are living for, and what you hope to accomplish. This helps you to focus all your energies on what is important to you. You can find meaning in protecting and nurturing your loved ones or completing some work or legacy that no one else can.
 

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Very well put. Yes, at 18 one still has a lot to learn, especially about oneself. You're well ahead in that you already know you are INFJ. I went through life not knowing that and wondering why other people think I'm so different. Plus the other downsides of INFJ. Fortunately, my self-esteem was strong enough that it didn't stunt my growth. I think the one thing I rail against most is reflected by The Visier's quote: "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. –Mahatma Gandhi" Why can't I be as physically strong as other people? I'm not talking about muscle bulk, but about stamina. Will power is another story altogether.:happy: Ah, well, at least I know myself better now and am happy in my own skin.
 

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Be Accountable for Yourself. Don't blame the problems in your life on other people. Look inwardly for solutions. No one has more control over your life than you have.
Be Humble. Judge yourself at least as harshly as you judge others.
Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself and others by dwelling on the dark side of everything. Just as there is a positive charge for every negative charge, there is a light side to every dark side. Remember that positive situations are created by positive attitudes. Expect the best, and the best will come forward.
Relax! Do yourself a favor and learn how to effectively unwind. Get exercise and restful sleep. Take vacations. Engage in relaxing activities. Take care of yourself and your loved ones by learning to let go of your passion and intensity for a respite.
These were the toughest for me early in life. Later in life it has been learning to accept things that are not anybody's fault at all. Our desire for closure leads us to feel we should be able to work and achieve outcomes. But sometimes things happen which are beyond human control such as when my best friend died from cancer.

It was very difficult to not look for an answer - did the doctors do all they could do? etc

Utimately it is life. Death is something that happens. All the conceptualizing and actualizing in the world won't stop it. So it is something you have to learn to accept. Learning to accept that some things will happen over which I have no control helps me to relax. That has always been hard for me.

"The sage is immune to misfortune" ~ Epictetus

"Hey Epictetus - shut up and put some lotion on my back so I can turn over. I'm getting burned on this side. Man this sand is everywhere. I love the ocean." ~ Runescribe

Relax :)
 

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Defend and Flourish with Your Individuality
of course, don't be an asshole to other people, but also, don't let other people take away your perspective on things in the name of something grand, official, justifiable, special or altruistic - it is only bullshit
there is a vast difference between what is said and what is done or what actually happens
and we live in a complex web of realities that vary from person to person
individuality and selfishness is never synonymous
and don't let anyone else's snap, superficial judgement affect you negatively
protect your sensitivity, individuality, uniqueness and wait until they flourish fight to protect and constantly maneuvre to grow it!
that way you can end up helping and serving more people at once stay true to yourself
so don't accept any kind of compromised, mediocrity out of what is called 'real' by other people - don't let other people paint who you are or the rest of your life or what you should be doing no one lives your life for you
stay true to your spirituality and ideals and figure out a away to flourish them
stay true to yourself and don't be an asshole and take care of what needs to be done
be consistent and strong in protecting and pursuing your individuality :) i would like to suggest
 

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Thank you for this post, and questions, Nikkii. These are very good "rules to live by" for the INFJ, I think. Personally, my biggest challenge (though it is difficult to choose only one) is no. 6 - anger issues. No, I can't choose just one; no. 11, too. The passion and intensity, which can lead to the anger and to driving other people crazy, is so difficult for me to release. Maybe if I follow these rules and make my life more pleasant for myself, I will in turn make it more pleasant for the people who have to deal with me. It helps tremendously to know that I am not alone in this - the INFJ forum is my lifesaver.
 
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There is one rule I will say with many reasons. That is to remember that there are sixteen types and they have talents which are not the same as your own. As an INFJ you have the ability to see the way people are and how they wish to be. But we show stupidity and ignorance sometimes. We become entangled in our emotion of how we want to be understood. Nonsense. Use your intelligence and wisdom to understand them first. Then you will find how they understand you.

This is my one rule. Accept the other types for who they are and not who you wish they were in your ideals. Then you will be happy and able to take advantage of their richness. Then you will have true understanding.
 

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Hi guys, i am new into the infj world (i just took the test) but now i feel like everything makes sense (after reading a lot of reviews online :p). i just have a question ... what do you do for a living !! i love writing .. but it´s pretty hard to be succesful at it, and i need a lot of money to make my wife (some day) to feel like a princess. and "i love u"s are great, but "money" is needed too :p!. tell me what do u do for living, and how you feel in your daily jobs. thanks guys ..
 

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I thought I posted on this one before. Must have missed it!

Talk Through Your Thoughts.
You need to step through your intuitions in order to put them into perspective. Give yourself time to do this, and take advantage of discussing ideas with others. You'll find externalizing your internal intuitions to be a valuable exercise.


Relax!
Do yourself a favor and learn how to effectively unwind. Get exercise and restful sleep. Take vacations. Engage in relaxing activities. Take care of yourself and your loved ones by learning to let go of your passion and intensity for a respite.


Hardest for me by far. I feel pretty good about the rest of them actually.

@nash; Some sort of analytical pursuit is actually a great idea for INFJs interested in making enough money to survive. Just find something that you find interesting, and won't compromise your beliefs, and your good. If that's not your bag then teacher is an option, for some. Perhaps doctor, for others. Although a lot of jobs in the medical field would be very tiring. I considered it for a while but I didn't have the social stamina for it then. Photography maybe? Advertising, if it doesn't rub you the wrong way. I bet an INFJ could make a killing there. And, there is always the psychology field... :)
 

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Hi guys, i am new into the infj world (i just took the test) but now i feel like everything makes sense (after reading a lot of reviews online :p). i just have a question ... what do you do for a living !! i love writing .. but it´s pretty hard to be succesful at it, and i need a lot of money to make my wife (some day) to feel like a princess. and "i love u"s are great, but "money" is needed too :p!. tell me what do u do for living, and how you feel in your daily jobs. thanks guys ..
There are many things an INFJ can do for a living. You'll probably find that you have an occupation that feeds your bank account and other occupations that feed your soul. Just try to make the bank account occupation something you find interesting and doesn't absorb all your stamina so that you have energy left to indulge in the occupations that feed your soul. It's possible that the occupations that feed your soul will grow into occupations that feed your bank account as well, so don't despair. It's all a learning process.
 

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  1. [*] Face Your Weaknesses! See your weaknesses for what they are, and seek to overcome them. Especially, strive to use your judgment against your internal ideas and intuitions, rather than as a means of disregarding other people's ideas.
    [*] When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others, or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner.
    [*] Be Accountable for Yourself. Don't blame the problems in your life on other people. Look inwardly for solutions. No one has more control over your life than you have.
    [*] Be Humble. Judge yourself at least as harshly as you judge others.
    [*] Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself and others by dwelling on the dark side of everything. Just as there is a positive charge for every negative charge, there is a light side to every dark side. Remember that positive situations are created by positive attitudes. Expect the best, and the best will come forward.
    [*] Relax! Do yourself a favor and learn how to effectively unwind. Get exercise and restful sleep. Take vacations. Engage in relaxing activities. Take care of yourself and your loved ones by learning to let go of your passion and intensity for a respite.


  1. These are the ones I'm currently focussing on. However, as an enneagram 1 (I think), I'm trying to stop the "voice of God" in my ear from taking control. My choices reflect, I think, my feeling that I should be constantly self-critical or risk moral failure, which includes confessing to my weaknesses constantly (although this is also in the hope that others will see that I am self-aware and not intending to be offensive in anyway).

    My next step is to balance this out with some of the compassion I give to others. This makes me sound like I'm saying I'm a good person, I am certainly not. I mean that I see flaws in others and forgive them but am completely unable to forgive them in myself. I do not believe in justifying bad behaviour or making excuses like "I was depressed at the time" even if these were driving factors. I am always accountable to myself and if I have done wrong it is I that should take the blame, regardless of the circumstances. So I guess I've sort of already got the above down in some respects but they are the most important to me, particularly when it comes to anger, which I have far too much of. Now I need to find a balance where I am able to be accountable for my actions but learn to forgive them so that I am able to move on.
 

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6. When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others, or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner.

7. Keep Your Eye on the Big Picture Watch out for your tendency to become obsessed with details. If you find yourself feeling very, very strongly about a small detail, take a big step back and make sure that you can still see the goal. You're not going to get there if you get mired in the details.

These are the two most difficult for me. I can be overly reactive at times and take my anger out on other people. Sometimes I have a short temper. Also I do sometimes obsess over details, missing the big picture.
 

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Thanks. i guess you are right .. i am a software engineer, and i am very good at it. but at the end of the day i feel so tired, and out of place. It´s like i have to do an enormous effort to try to focus in the detailed task, and feel like a prisoner of my job :S. what is your current occupation seraphina (if u can tell :p)? thanks ..
 

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Sure, I'll tell you what I do. To feed my bank account, I'm the business manager for an engineering company (water/wastewater). I work with a great group of guys; I love engineers! Previously, I worked full time as a holistic health practitioner/medical massage therapist. Very fulfilling work, but my then-husband and I moved out of state, so I went back to office work. To feed my soul, I bellydance, draw pretty pictures, and play musical instruments.

My best advice to myself and you is to take breaks: get away from your desk and the people. I make it a point to go home for lunch and lie down with eyes closed for 15-20 minutes a few times/wk. It makes an amazing difference in how well my life goes and how I feel about it. You can do almost anything to earn a living, but all of it will make you feel tired and out of place if you don't rest enough, with down-time during the day. If you can't go home, perhaps you can find someplace you can lie flat? Call it meditating-- people understand it even if they can't personally relate to it. I "go dark" every so often: lie in bed with my smoochie cat, lights out, soft music, eyes closed, no other input.

Let me teach you a new word: NO. Now repeat out loud, NO. And when they say 'why not?' keep it simple and reply, "Because I don't want to."
 

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thanks. i really appreciate your words :). no kidding .. u gave me some faith :). in these days i was considering about going back to school, and studying psychology ... but even if a change my major i may feel the same. it´s a hard to make this kind of decisions .. anyway i will not take more of your drawing time :) ..
 

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For myself:

Don't be afraid to fail - Everyone fails, the sooner you fail, the sooner you learn and get better. If you are afraid to fail and give up, then, you have truly failed.
 

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thanks. i really appreciate your words :). no kidding .. u gave me some faith :). in these days i was considering about going back to school, and studying psychology ... but even if a change my major i may feel the same. it´s a hard to make this kind of decisions .. anyway i will not take more of your drawing time :) ..
You're quite welcome. One thing I do to make tough decisions is to ask myself if I will regret "the decision" later. How will you feel about it if you do? or if you don't?
Just get some rest and your decision process will go much more smoothly. You'll be all right later.
 
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