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Discussion Starter #1
One thing I have noticed that I have done a lot in the last few years (since I started to try to come across better with people) is to second-guess what they are saying.

Throughout my life, I have tended to miss undertones in conversations, and many times what others intend as humor and/or frustrated sarcasm.

I guess because of that, I have fallen into the habit of always searching for the hidden message in what people say. This would be okay, except that I am bad at it, and end up thinking people are making fun of me, or are angry, or joking when they aren't.

Does anyone else have this 'over-correction' problem?
 

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Always ask for clarification if it isn't completely obvious. No need in trying to make a conversation more complicated than it needs to be. Get the info and get out. That's my policy.
 

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Careful with that. Sometimes humans are more simplistic than you may think. Uh, wow I read like a 3rd grader. Anyway, the way I've over come that is learning communication patterns of different types. This allows me to intuitively get a feeling for what type they are and what they're saying. Is it fallable? Yes. Is it sometimes useful? Yes. Life is full of delicious uncertainty~
 

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It is normal. In a communication there are many elements after the simple meaning of words.

For example voice tone and body language in real life, or the choice of words, online.

You are not obliged to bring your interpretations explicitly. If you suspect in a debate there is more than your interlocutor says, you just need to bring a topic near that hidden meaning and observe the reaction. Often they state clearly what was not in words before.
 

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I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.
-Spock in StarTrek

Yes! I experienced the same problems you are. When I learned that people are very manipulative especially feelers, I easily began reading into peoples true motives.
You're probably not as bad at it as you think you are. You're just making a big mistake. You are bringing it out in the open. Fe is best left in the realm of plausible deniability. You shouldn't come out and say your reads. Feelers almost always deny it, even when you are very accurate anyway. And you are giving away that you got them pegged. Instead you should probe if you are correct.

Ex: You like someone you've been talking quite a bit for a lil while and you think she might like you too.
A: You don't tell them you like them and ask if they like you. Remember you will most likely turn them off and they will not be honest if they did like you anyway.
B: Instead you come up with things to do that test if the other person does like you and look for how they respond. Maybe, buy her a gift and see if she has a good reaction and she becomes closer, or a nervous reaction and she becomes more distant. If she says something like I don't know is it too much? You say, what? Too much? What do you mean? You think this means I might be expecting something.. Lol, I don't really even know you! Im just trying to be nice. ;-) ;-)

Its good you are not expecting others to be direct about their intentions anymore. I think we are the most straight forward type when it comes to verbal communication. But you don't read into things and then bring it out in the open. They will just get angry at you. Keep it on the level of plausible deniability and watch for reactions. Make it known without making it known.
 

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I guess because of that, I have fallen into the habit of always searching for the hidden message in what people say.
i don't look for hidden messages, but then i don't usually have to because i find almost everything ambiguous. so i usually see so many possible alternate meanings or messages it's not like i need to go looking for more.

maybe what you're doing is just stopping dead as soon as you come to a worst-case kind of interpretation, and taking that as the truth. i frequently wonder what people really mean, but i think i keep my options a little more open than you.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
i don't look for hidden messages, but then i don't usually have to because i find almost everything ambiguous. so i usually see so many possible alternate meanings or messages it's not like i need to go looking for more.

maybe what you're doing is just stopping dead as soon as you come to a worst-case kind of interpretation, and taking that as the truth. i frequently wonder what people really mean, but i think i keep my options a little more open than you.
I think you're right. (I'm Enneagram 5 and 8 tied which is supposedly impossible, but the test makers are wrong on that) I'm mainly focused on winning and being in control of any given scenario, ultimately. However, you can't win unless you understand first, and you can't do that unless you can buy time to think. So I can't start out with winning because that takes time. I have to start out by not losing; obviously, if I put the most negative spin on any given remark, I am protecting myself from big mistakes while I am in the process of thinking out a strategy (which is rarely if ever completed in conversations, as things move too quickly for me to complete the thinking process). This is my life strategy, for the most part; until now I never realized that although it works in the long run in some environment like a workplace, it probably doesn't work in conversations with family and friends.
 

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This is my life strategy, for the most part; until now I never realized that although it works in the long run in some environment like a workplace, it probably doesn't work in conversations with family and friends.
it depends on what you mean by 'works', i suppose. but yeah, i'd say that it doesn't in emotional/social arenas, for the straightforward reason that family and friends scenarios are not about winning, almost by definition.
 

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I don't know if this has anything to do with being INTJ, but my reasoning
and deduction capabilities are so great I quite often know what the other
person is telling me before they are finished. If I ever notice the slightest
of abnormalities in what the person is saying me I immediately fire back by
trying to find out their true motive but keeping it even more hidden than
they did.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I don't know if this has anything to do with being INTJ, but my reasoning
and deduction capabilities are so great I quite often know what the other
person is telling me before they are finished. If I ever notice the slightest
of abnormalities in what the person is saying me I immediately fire back by
trying to find out their true motive but keeping it even more hidden than
they did.
Yes, that's me as well, except I mostly am direct in my reply back, if I think I can get away with it. Hmmm.
 
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