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Discussion Starter #1
Hi guys,

So nearly 3 months ago I met this guy on a dating app. We started chatting and eventually decided to switch to another platform to continue texting. I guess the conversation was enjoyable for both of us as we shared thoughts on many topics and debated easily. He was actually very surprised when I correctly typed him as an INTP, although we had never talked about MBTI before.
As the discussion went on, we discovered more things about each other and became more open about our inner states of mind ; one day we would give a description of our own interiority, and another day we would challenge ourselves to give the most accurate description of one another. He even asked me out of the blue if I had already been in love, which I found disturbing. It was the first time that we approached this kind of stuff.

The first month-and-a-half was great from a conversational perspective. But then the bond kind of stretched as he would randomly stop replying in the middle of a conversation (although he had just asked me a question about something interesting). He would usually text me again 3/4 days later asking me if everything was ok. This has been going on for a long time now, and I don't know what to think. I am never sure whether he just gets bored talking to me but eventually comes back when he has nothing else to do, or if he genuinely cares about me.

Any INTP (especially male) perspective on this situation ? I myself am an INTP but I've never had a similar behavior. :rolleyes:
 

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Where do you see this go? If you merely want to have a static intellectual relationship on the side while he wants to progress into something more dynamic, this behavior makes sense. In a way then yes, "he's bored", but probably more in the way that he feels like he's stuck in one place and isn't sure how to continue spinning the wheel. Three months is a long time to only be conversing, after all.

Or, you know, he could be occupied lately and just be extremely terrible at communicating how so. You're probably bad at communicating your own uncertainty, too, or he'd probably elaborate on the matter.
9 out of 10 problems anyone ever has with an INTP is about bad communication, and you are two.
 

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Novelty. It is time for the transition into the domain of flesh, blood, and genital sweat. (An alternative step forward could be Skype.) Because if you don't, you will soon be reduced to a number, and after that a faded memory.
 

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Hi guys,

So nearly 3 months ago I met this guy on a dating app. We started chatting and eventually decided to switch to another platform to continue texting. I guess the conversation was enjoyable for both of us as we shared thoughts on many topics and debated easily. He was actually very surprised when I correctly typed him as an INTP, although we had never talked about MBTI before.
As the discussion went on, we discovered more things about each other and became more open about our inner states of mind ; one day we would give a description of our own interiority, and another day we would challenge ourselves to give the most accurate description of one another. He even asked me out of the blue if I had already been in love, which I found disturbing. It was the first time that we approached this kind of stuff.

The first month-and-a-half was great from a conversational perspective. But then the bond kind of stretched as he would randomly stop replying in the middle of a conversation (although he had just asked me a question about something interesting). He would usually text me again 3/4 days later asking me if everything was ok. This has been going on for a long time now, and I don't know what to think. I am never sure whether he just gets bored talking to me but eventually comes back when he has nothing else to do, or if he genuinely cares about me.

Any INTP (especially male) perspective on this situation ? I myself am an INTP but I've never had a similar behavior. :rolleyes:
The INTPs I know (close friends, one's my brother) are absolutely garbage when it comes to replying over text. Too self-absorbed to register outside notifications in real-time, but I don't mean that as a criticism - it's just an explanation.
 

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Discussion Starter #6 (Edited)
Where do you see this go? If you merely want to have a static intellectual relationship on the side while he wants to progress into something more dynamic, this behavior makes sense. In a way then yes, "he's bored", but probably more in the way that he feels like he's stuck in one place and isn't sure how to continue spinning the wheel. Three months is a long time to only be conversing, after all.

Or, you know, he could be occupied lately and just be extremely terrible at communicating how so. You're probably bad at communicating your own uncertainty, too, or he'd probably elaborate on the matter.
9 out of 10 problems anyone ever has with an INTP is about bad communication, and you are two.
I'm ok with conversing but I would sure like things to move towards a more exciting stage. I simply have no clue of how to go about it since he's naturally not an expressive person and doesn't show any clear sign of affection (but that's not really surprising and it doesn't frustrate me - it's just puzzling sometimes).

What I fear, by openly talking about it, is that he feels overwhelmed with what looks like a need for emotional involvement. We know it's not an easy topic to expand on for an INTP.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
The INTPs I know (close friends, one's my brother) are absolutely garbage when it comes to replying over text. Too self-absorbed to register outside notifications in real-time, but I don't mean that as a criticism - it's just an explanation.
I'm also terrible at responding to messages, for the reasons you've mentioned. I guess it's unsettling to face behaviours that are usually mine. (and I now realise how frustrating I must be)
 

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I'm also terrible at responding to messages, for the reasons you've mentioned. I guess it's unsettling to face behaviours that are usually mine. (and I now realise how frustrating I must be)
It can be frustrating, but all the less so when you realise what it stems from - it's not like it's an ignorant quality, just a distractable one :)

Have you met this INTP in person by any chance? It's only natural to assume that moving things forward might require a bit more presence, as it were.
 

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There's a good chance he might be cheating. I am good at sending messages and I know about these things. I probably send 5x as many texts as I get. It's got to be in the thousands .
 

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Discussion Starter #10
It can be frustrating, but all the less so when you realise what it stems from - it's not like it's an ignorant quality, just a distractable one :)

Have you met this INTP in person by any chance? It's only natural to assume that moving things forward might require a bit more presence, as it were.
We don't study in the same cities and he lives quite far away from me, however I occasionnally go there to visit my family. I might move to that place by next autumn, but a year is long.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
There's a good chance he might be cheating. I am good at sending messages and I know about these things. I probably send 5x as many texts as I get. It's got to be in the thousands .
How is this supposed to be helpful? We aren't in a relationship so he technically can't be cheating. Also he is quite shy and seems to struggle with social interaction, so I doubt he would be the type of guy to play on different tables.
 

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We don't study in the same cities and he lives quite far away from me, however I occasionnally go there to visit my family. I might move to that place by next autumn, but a year is long.
Ah I see. Well sadly it sounds like that doesn't leave you with a lot to go off, so I guess it's a case of continuing with the distant-contact relationship you have and seeing if it develops any further, right?

Honestly, I find your type very hard to read (who doesn't?), and so with that in mind I guess my only concrete advice would be to persist and see if any of the sort of behaviours that come out of you when romantically interested in someone are reflected in his behaviour towards you (though it sounds like such may have already manifested in the in-depth conversations the two of you have had previously).

I might also advise considering the possibility that the distance between you both might be letting the candle go out a little, so to speak; if a relationship seems a bit impossible due to factors such as distance, it's only natural for people's hope to die down a little - perhaps you could arrange a meet-up when you next visit family in the same area and see if the closed proximity lends any extra fire to what has been developing between you. Even if that isn't possible, I've never found your type to be very fickle at all, so perhaps it's something that can be revisited later down the line as well.
 

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How is this supposed to be helpful? We aren't in a relationship so he technically can't be cheating. Also he is quite shy and seems to struggle with social interaction, so I doubt he would be the type of guy to play on different tables.
So your friends? I wasn't trying to be helpful I was seeing how you need help and I can help later.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Ah I see. Well sadly it sounds like that doesn't leave you with a lot to go off, so I guess it's a case of continuing with the distant-contact relationship you have and seeing if it develops any further, right?

Honestly, I find your type very hard to read (who doesn't?), and so with that in mind I guess my only concrete advice would be to persist and see if any of the sort of behaviours that come out of you when romantically interested in someone are reflected in his behaviour towards you (though it sounds like such may have already manifested in the in-depth conversations the two of you have had previously).

I might also advise considering the possibility that the distance between you both might be letting the candle go out a little, so to speak; if a relationship seems a bit impossible due to factors such as distance, it's only natural for people's hope to die down a little - perhaps you could arrange a meet-up when you next visit family in the same area and see if the closed proximity lends any extra fire to what has been developing between you. Even if that isn't possible, I've never found your type to be very fickle at all, so perhaps it's something that can be revisited later down the line as well.
Yeah, I guess there's not much I can do for now ; hopefully the distance won't be a nice insurmountable obstacle, and he won't be put off by it.

Thanks for you advice, that is very nice of you.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
So your friends? I wasn't trying to be helpful I was seeing how you need help and I can help later.
Not really ; it's ambiguous. I feel like we are more than friends (or at least, something else than friends), but clearly not enough to be in a relationship.
 

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Well, as a guy this is how I would see it. There may be romantic interest there, but until there is like a real date, it is just that, an interest. I think these things are tricky when they start out via e-mail/text, because it can only be so personal, at least in my opinion. It's a situation that will just sit as it is unless/until the two of you meet up and have real face to face time.
 
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