That Awkward Moment in a Relationsip When...
[INFJ]
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I dont know about type, but I can relate to this.
I have always wondered if I am unable to express properly due to me thinking I am inadequate at expression, or me thinking she doesn't have the faculty to fully comprehend it. (and her inability to comprehend my expression is not a reflection on her, per se.)
I have always wondered if I am unable to express properly due to me thinking I am inadequate at expression, or me thinking she doesn't have the faculty to fully comprehend it. (and her inability to comprehend my expression is not a reflection on her, per se.)
I relate in all sorts of ways, and it manifests in different ways with different people. With some people, I just want to cuddle and realize they will never be receptive.
What is even harder is when I am with someone, and am somehow internally forced to go into complete and total emotional lockdown. "I know, if I showed you my real emotions, you'd take them and run with them and I wouldn't be able to handle the consequences." Then I am UNABLE to show my soft cuddly side.
Find me the person who will be able to avoid both...and I will be their friend FOREVER.
What is even harder is when I am with someone, and am somehow internally forced to go into complete and total emotional lockdown. "I know, if I showed you my real emotions, you'd take them and run with them and I wouldn't be able to handle the consequences." Then I am UNABLE to show my soft cuddly side.
Find me the person who will be able to avoid both...and I will be their friend FOREVER.
I usually turn to poetry when this happens. Metaphors FTW!
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64 Posts
This generally happens when instead of talking to SO i write them a letter... at that point all hope is lost for true communication. I usually wait a little while to see how the other feels about this and its always ended in well the end.
I deep down hope that I will find my "soul mate" so to speak and that I will feel comfortable sharing with that person. I love cuddling though, that's always a nice experience.
I deep down hope that I will find my "soul mate" so to speak and that I will feel comfortable sharing with that person. I love cuddling though, that's always a nice experience.
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1,426 Posts
I've written small cards, cards on special occasions, poetry and a letter or two and I used to hand out chocolates on significant days. This was, however, a first relationship between ages 16-17.
I've been told specifically that I speak in metaphors and that when I believe in something, I mask it as a generalization.
"Well I think for some..." or "For others, I think...", etc. and I'll share my own conviction.
Perhaps it is hiding. However, no one can truly own another's essence, so I know that just through language, interpretation, something essential is lost. I do not have to hide for this to be true.
Unfortunately, it's either you understand or you don't.
If you don't, it comes down to belief.
Is an intuitive overzealous or highly protective of their inner structure? I am. Can it be a huge risk to allow someone a glimpse, to allow them even the slightest influence for fear of a shift or significant change? Yes, it is. Because if something is misplaced or inadvertently skewered within by someone else, you blame yourself for not having been strong enough to keep them out. A question: What is strength when inactive? Untested, unproven potential. What connection is absolutely without risk?
None. A connection is just that: Openness. A challenge.
Whatever may come from that, I assure you, you are strong enough.
Share what you can and all else, enjoy it. In the end, being in love is just as much an internal journey, an exploration of yourself as it is about what is shared.
I've been told specifically that I speak in metaphors and that when I believe in something, I mask it as a generalization.
"Well I think for some..." or "For others, I think...", etc. and I'll share my own conviction.
Perhaps it is hiding. However, no one can truly own another's essence, so I know that just through language, interpretation, something essential is lost. I do not have to hide for this to be true.
Unfortunately, it's either you understand or you don't.
If you don't, it comes down to belief.
Is an intuitive overzealous or highly protective of their inner structure? I am. Can it be a huge risk to allow someone a glimpse, to allow them even the slightest influence for fear of a shift or significant change? Yes, it is. Because if something is misplaced or inadvertently skewered within by someone else, you blame yourself for not having been strong enough to keep them out. A question: What is strength when inactive? Untested, unproven potential. What connection is absolutely without risk?
None. A connection is just that: Openness. A challenge.
Whatever may come from that, I assure you, you are strong enough.
Share what you can and all else, enjoy it. In the end, being in love is just as much an internal journey, an exploration of yourself as it is about what is shared.
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1,112 Posts
Alas, I actually thought for a good period of my life that I was OVERLY affectionate and that I demonstrated as clearly as I felt my feelings (side note:I know I need sleep I typed 'feelies' instead of 'feelings' first try..), I've realized that what I perceive to be me being open and warm and affectionate, doesn't always appear that way to the people around me. I've come off as distant sometimes I think, when I'm really trying to be close.
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4,627 Posts
LOL. This is so true.
Things I hear all the time: "I show you I love you by touching you!" and "Umm, let me write down how I feel. I have to think about it." etc...
Meanwhile, this extrovert is like, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT?! DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" :bored:
Oh, that poor boy. I don't know how he puts up with me.
Things I hear all the time: "I show you I love you by touching you!" and "Umm, let me write down how I feel. I have to think about it." etc...
Meanwhile, this extrovert is like, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT?! DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" :bored:
Oh, that poor boy. I don't know how he puts up with me.
I don't know how you put up with him, needy much?
Needy because he needs time and space to express himself?
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What did I say that portrayed him as needy?...
I think you misread her post. She's the extrovert and her SO is an INFJ.
That's how I interpreted it anyway.
So, do you mean that if an xNFJ is into expressing his feelings often like : "I appreciated the time spent with you", "I miss you", "I am so much eager to see you again" etc... and flowers etc..., he's more an ENFJ than an INFJ ? Is this a sign to tell an INFJ from an ENFJ ?
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Oh, so you were saying that I'M needy. Thanks for clarifying.
Guess that's why I'm dating my wonderful boyfriend and not you or anyone like you...
I've been wanting to tell my ISTP boyfriend my feelings about him for a long while but it is so damn hard! So yea of course I cuddle with him and be really affectionate with him instead. The lack of communicating my feelings with him probably doesn't bother him though, since he is an ISTP and also doesn't show his feelings.
Nah, nah. "That awkward moment when..." is like a weird social media meme.
It's not awkward so much as it is frustrating for me, occasionally.
I think many more romantically inclined INFJs have a fine time of expressing themselves with words, but thing like poems and such are beyond me. Every "I love you" turns into a weird, breathy whisper, and then all I have left is physical affection and very, very poor flirty jokes.
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186 Posts
That awkward moment when my X caught me putting the toilet seats up in her house...I had been doing it everywhere she and I went because it made me laugh.
The awkward part was explaining to her that I did it because it amused me...im such a jerk.
The awkward part was explaining to her that I did it because it amused me...im such a jerk.
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