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Discussion Starter #1
]Have any of you guys ever heard of The 5 Love Languages? there a book by Gary Chapman. i haven't read it myself but ive learned alot about it.

it pretty much tells us how there are 5 major ways people give and accept love.
#1-Words of Affirmation
#2-Quality Time
#3-Receiving Gifts
#4-Acts of Service
#5-Physical Touch
(you can have 2, all of them apply to most people, but everyone has one or more that are more significant to them)

Ever been in a relationship where you dont feel cared about, or your loved one doesnt feel cared about when in reality, they are? this might explain alot to you

there are tons of quizzes online to find out your love language. just google it


im interested in seeing if there is a relationship between personality type and love languages. if you know yours, post both and lets see




Im an INFJ and my love language is
Words of Affirmation.
 

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1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time and Physical Touch

I had the same score for both the ones listed in #2 and those were only one point away from #1 so I couldn't justify choosing one and leaving the other off. Interesting.
 

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sorry i got an error message when it posted and so I reposted, but it had actually posted...
 

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Discussion Starter #4
thats ok :)
it is so hard to find people who have words of affirmation on the top of their list. ive only met one guy like that my entire life. Relationships are made so much easier when you share the same love language.
 

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I read the book a year and a half ago - worth the read.

For me... quality time is definitely #1. All of the other factors could be lacking but as long as I have quality time I'm perfectly happy.

Beyond that I would say that giving gifts and physical touch are close.

Then words of affirmation (I dated an ESTJ who's #1 was words of affirmation and it drove me crazy how much he desired to be told "you're great" or whatever all the time. I could care less because I'd rather have the good conversation).
Last would be acts of service... doing it as a sign of love doesn't really cross my mind. I would think of giving a gift much sooner because of sentimental value.
 

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][FONT="Georgia"
[SIZE="4"] im interested in seeing if there is a relationship between personality type and love languages. if you know yours, post both and lets see]
Very interesting idea, jules. My top two are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. physical touch is great as well:happy:
 

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So I TOTALLY feel like I need to thank the starter of this conversation because in causing me to think about these things you have inadvertently forced me into answering a burning question that I have wandered around with for YEARS! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
 
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Quality Time

"There's no such thing as love, only proofs of love"

From all of the other choices, this proves the most, physical presence cannot be faked.
 

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Now, here's the rub. The quiz only goes over what *you* want, and not what you would give. Is the latter not important (and shouldn't it be more so)? Or are they making the assumption that what you want to offer is the same you want to attain? I'm not sure that it is the same in all cases (quality time being the exception, which is well.. shared as a general rule).

Also, where is "tough love"? Isn't that as important as the rest (or possibly more-so)? Which shows more love and caring of a partner? Bloating an ego with soft words, or standing by someone while they're self destructing and shove them in the right direction (not literally)?
 

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That book looks like one I'd really like to read. I prefer quality time for sure, and physical touch and words of affection are up there as well.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
So I TOTALLY feel like I need to thank the starter of this conversation because in causing me to think about these things you have inadvertently forced me into answering a burning question that I have wandered around with for YEARS! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

aww im glad i could help :)
 

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Discussion Starter #16
so it looks like as INFJs we are all different. thats interesting to me, i thought it would correspond. its crazy to think about how many different combinations of people there are in this world isnt it? not only do we all have different peronality types, but love languages divide us within out personalities and these are only 2 factors. there are soo many.
 

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]Have any of you guys ever heard of The 5 Love Languages? there a book by Gary Chapman. i haven't read it myself but ive learned alot about it.

it pretty much tells us how there are 5 major ways people give and accept love.
#1-Words of Affirmation
#2-Quality Time
#3-Receiving Gifts
#4-Acts of Service
#5-Physical Touch
(you can have 2, all of them apply to most people, but everyone has one or more that are more significant to them)

Ever been in a relationship where you dont feel cared about, or your loved one doesnt feel cared about when in reality, they are? this might explain alot to you

there are tons of quizzes online to find out your love language. just google it


im interested in seeing if there is a relationship between personality type and love languages. if you know yours, post both and lets see




Im an INFJ and my love language is
Words of Affirmation.
way to take all the fun out of it

gray chapman is a quack with a bad habit of overly theorizing "love", he should be in rehab with some hot babes so he can find his libido again

someone should give him a compass and a flashlight ffs
 

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Now, here's the rub. The quiz only goes over what *you* want, and not what you would give. Is the latter not important (and shouldn't it be more so)? Or are they making the assumption that what you want to offer is the same you want to attain? I'm not sure that it is the same in all cases (quality time being the exception, which is well.. shared as a general rule).

Also, where is "tough love"? Isn't that as important as the rest (or possibly more-so)? Which shows more love and caring of a partner? Bloating an ego with soft words, or standing by someone while they're self destructing and shove them in the right direction (not literally)?
I'm offering this as a way of addressing the two valid ideas you bring up. When I first read the book I confess the issue of what I perceive as love and how I express it was confusing to me as well, but his characterization of these practices as "languages" cuts both ways. If I grow up understanding English that is also a language I speak; therefore, in love languages I perceive love as words of affirmation, and that is also how I give of love in its most natural form for me.

Your other issue is very complex for me because I conceive of "tough love" as acting in ways which may seem hurtful or difficult to another person, but are truly derived out of our love for them and our wish to see them grow as a person. This kind of love is unlimited in my view in terms of expression (except perhaps in the form of gifts... What? Are you going to teach someone by giving them the exact opposite of what they asked for? It's possible I suppose.) I can use a family example here. My mother is incapable of "tough love". As an ISFJ she doesn't seem able to equate "I love you therefore I'm going to be really harsh and objective in this scenario because your growth is more important to me than your feelings right now." She can't make that idea mesh with her own perception of how she wishes to be treated. I have often felt that some of the less mature people in our family could have used a good dose of "tough love" from, Mom, but because she can't provide it I can't demand it of her. To her credit, however, she always legitimately wants what's best for the person so as an adult she has gone to asking the opinions of other adults in our family who are equipped to deliver "tough love" and so under the advice of other people she can do this, but it's not an answer that she would pursue on her own.

I think that if your course is to love people, then understanding their needs and meeting them become your priority. As harmony is also the goal of love, then in order to have harmonious and stable relationships you must also communicate your own needs. Have you ever read Choice Theory by Glasser? It's a wonderful book. If you combine the theories of MBTI, with Choice Theory AND with the 5 love languages you have the power to have good relationships with just about anyone (provided they're not self-seeking sociopaths). Add the EQ to this and you could rule the universe. :laughing:

Have a great day!
 

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I've used all 5 in my past relationships equally

To me, it was always common sense

Unfortunately, I'd hardly ever get any of it back

My relationships never really last :/

If you combine the theories of MBTI, with Choice Theory AND with the 5 love languages you have the power to have good relationships with just about anyone (provided they're not self-seeking sociopaths)
I am definitely a self-seeking sociopath, but I have enough sense to be able to weigh the needs and values of others. But perhaps it's that missing "bit" of a normal human psychology that causes all the chemistry in my relationships to fail. I suppose maybe I should pay closer attention to how people act?

Lately though, I'm having more fun working on my own personal projects than seeking relationships. No worries about your post Anahata, it was definitely an enlightening read ;)
 

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I don't like the test, it was like i should divide myself into two!
most of the questions were on the same level for me.
but anyway

Quality time, Physical touch and gifts! in that order yeeep. :happy:
When we have quality time, words of affirmation go in too.

There's nothing like physical presence, nothing.
 
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