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Discussion Starter #1
I’m not expecting any professional responses, or for someone to have the exact answer. This is just something that’s been troubling me for a while, and I thought I’d throw my thoughts out there and see what others think.

So I’ve been reading numerous articles on the differences between the types for the past week or so, (Yes I have an obsessive personality) and I have it narrowed down to these two types. I relate enormously to things about both personalities, but I just can’t decide on either one for various reasons. I have a hard time understanding myself or my own motivations, and I think it’s hard for members of my family to help me because they’re around me all the time and I can’t really get an objective opinion.

I know it’s a stereotype that INFPs are peaceful bunnies who cry a lot and don’t like to say critical things, but it’s a common stereotype, and from what I’ve read about this personality, it has some roots in reality. I’m not generally very peaceful. If someone (aka my dad, who’s an ESTP) so much as looks at me wrong, I’ll flare up and say things like “what? Why are you looking at me like that?” In a rather hostile manner, that he’s now used to, but I know comes off as somewhat abrasive. In other words I tend to be very defensive, always taking criticism where none was intended and thinking that people are saying awful things about me when they’re not. I do cry a lot...usually in private. Over stupid things like “i just can’t anymore everything makes my head hurt I’ll never become the person I want to be I feel so trapped’ (the usual existential angst).

But I do say very critical things... about people all the time. If I think someone is wearing an ugly hat, I’ll say so. If someone behaves towards me in a way that I perceive as ill-mannered, I often turn cold, even if they were just having a bad day, or their irritation isn’t directed towards me.

I know that INFJs are more likely to be combative and critical than INFPs, but I don’t relate to their desire to save the world. (I’m idealistic about my future but not idealistic about the state of the world, if that makes any sense) I also have difficulty seeing the bigger picture. I do often counsel people, often without even meaning to, and will give them hours of advice. But I often turn the topic to myself and my own experiences to try and further understand myself even as I seek to therapize them. I’m very self-centered, and from what I’ve seen of INFJ patterns, they seem to reach out beyond their selves, and focus more on the people around them rather than on their own emotions, while I stew in my emotions and overthink things. I can relate to the door-slam though. I tend to hold grudges for years, and will bring those things up at seemingly random times because I’m apparently incapable of ‘forgive and forget.’ I also cut people out of my life, both figuratively and emotionally, if they do that ‘one wrong thing.’

Another thing, I have difficulty processing information, and so didn’t do great in school. (I was homeschooled) However, when I am truly excited about a subject, (Like Meyers Briggs) I absorb information like a sponge. It’s still difficult for me to understand everything I’m reading, and sometimes I lose interest halfway through, but I actually stick with it. Unlike...mathematics. I also leap from one interest to another, rarely sticking with any single thing. Writing fiction is one of the only things that I can actually stick with. Outside of that, my life and brain often feels like a disorganized mess.

My mom thinks I’m an INFP, my dad thinks I’m an INFJ. They see two different sides of me. With my mom I’m more relaxed, (though I still say critical things about people and can be somewhat combative) while around my dad I’m more analytical and guarded. I’m actually much friendlier and open around people I don’t know than I am with close family members, which probably is indicative of my personality all on its own. I’m extremely self-conscious, much more focused than either of my parents on how the general public perceives me, and I am always struggling with my fear of being judged or disliked.

Sorry this was long-winded...I have a hard time keeping things brief. 😅 I’d really appreciate any advice/thoughts/commentary from anybody out there.
 

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I would exclude INFJ. They are combative about their ideals, yes, but not in the sense you described yourself above.
 

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Welcome!

Well, both types, just like any type, can be combative or argumentative if the circumstances call for it. This sort of thing really comes down to the nuances of what made you behave that way.
It sounds like you have some issues at home which are clouding the waters... I would turn your focus away from them and onto a sphere of your life where you feel the most "yourself". When you're with friends you are long since done trying to impress, or how you interact with strangers, and especially how you think when you're sitting alone doing whatever you like to do.

Have you read up on the differences between Fi & Fe? Te vs Ti? Ne vs Ni? Si vs Se? Are any of those difficult to understand the difference between? (there are resources here on PerC to help).
Can you recognize any of your thoughts as leaning more towards certain functions?

When you remember something that happened in the past... are you just mining the memory for information, or is it almost like you are experiencing the moment all over again?

When you have good ideas... do they start as a small thread, and then when you pull the field of related possibilities gets wider and wider? Or do you start with some related ideas and then try to combine them into one single, perfect, thing?
 

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Your self-description seems INFPish; however, you might be having problems that make you critical and defensive and that mask your true personality.
When you remember something that happened in the past... are you just mining the memory for information, or is it almost like you are experiencing the moment all over again?
I'm curious about what aspect of typology this question pertains to.
 

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I’m not expecting any professional responses, or for someone to have the exact answer. This is just something that’s been troubling me for a while, and I thought I’d throw my thoughts out there and see what others think.

So I’ve been reading numerous articles on the differences between the types for the past week or so, (Yes I have an obsessive personality) and I have it narrowed down to these two types. I relate enormously to things about both personalities, but I just can’t decide on either one for various reasons. I have a hard time understanding myself or my own motivations, and I think it’s hard for members of my family to help me because they’re around me all the time and I can’t really get an objective opinion.

I know it’s a stereotype that INFPs are peaceful bunnies who cry a lot and don’t like to say critical things, but it’s a common stereotype, and from what I’ve read about this personality, it has some roots in reality. I’m not generally very peaceful. If someone (aka my dad, who’s an ESTP) so much as looks at me wrong, I’ll flare up and say things like “what? Why are you looking at me like that?” In a rather hostile manner, that he’s now used to, but I know comes off as somewhat abrasive. In other words I tend to be very defensive, always taking criticism where none was intended and thinking that people are saying awful things about me when they’re not. I do cry a lot...usually in private. Over stupid things like “i just can’t anymore everything makes my head hurt I’ll never become the person I want to be I feel so trapped’ (the usual existential angst).

But I do say very critical things... about people all the time. If I think someone is wearing an ugly hat, I’ll say so. If someone behaves towards me in a way that I perceive as ill-mannered, I often turn cold, even if they were just having a bad day, or their irritation isn’t directed towards me.

I know that INFJs are more likely to be combative and critical than INFPs, but I don’t relate to their desire to save the world. (I’m idealistic about my future but not idealistic about the state of the world, if that makes any sense) I also have difficulty seeing the bigger picture. I do often counsel people, often without even meaning to, and will give them hours of advice. But I often turn the topic to myself and my own experiences to try and further understand myself even as I seek to therapize them. I’m very self-centered, and from what I’ve seen of INFJ patterns, they seem to reach out beyond their selves, and focus more on the people around them rather than on their own emotions, while I stew in my emotions and overthink things. I can relate to the door-slam though. I tend to hold grudges for years, and will bring those things up at seemingly random times because I’m apparently incapable of ‘forgive and forget.’ I also cut people out of my life, both figuratively and emotionally, if they do that ‘one wrong thing.’

Another thing, I have difficulty processing information, and so didn’t do great in school. (I was homeschooled) However, when I am truly excited about a subject, (Like Meyers Briggs) I absorb information like a sponge. It’s still difficult for me to understand everything I’m reading, and sometimes I lose interest halfway through, but I actually stick with it. Unlike...mathematics. I also leap from one interest to another, rarely sticking with any single thing. Writing fiction is one of the only things that I can actually stick with. Outside of that, my life and brain often feels like a disorganized mess.

My mom thinks I’m an INFP, my dad thinks I’m an INFJ. They see two different sides of me. With my mom I’m more relaxed, (though I still say critical things about people and can be somewhat combative) while around my dad I’m more analytical and guarded. I’m actually much friendlier and open around people I don’t know than I am with close family members, which probably is indicative of my personality all on its own. I’m extremely self-conscious, much more focused than either of my parents on how the general public perceives me, and I am always struggling with my fear of being judged or disliked.

Sorry this was long-winded...I have a hard time keeping things brief. 😅 I’d really appreciate any advice/thoughts/commentary from anybody out there.
From some things you said i got INFJ vibes but having some infj traits doesnt mean that you are an INFJ
I think you are infp mostly because you self-center yourself even when you counsel people. Also you refused some of the biggest infj traits
 

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Actually, you’re displaying a lot of Fi, so I’d say you’re an infp. Infps, with Dominant Fi, feel a lot. They relate, understand, work out how people feel what they feel while Fe just feels whatever the other party is feeling.

Fi values identity, uniqueness and authenticity, focusing on oneself.
Fe is more likely to follow social norms and can catch onto other’s feelings more easily, and whatever they feel depends quite heavily on the mood of the people around them.
 

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I know it’s a stereotype that INFPs are peaceful bunnies who cry a lot and don’t like to say critical things, but it’s a common stereotype, and from what I’ve read about this personality, it has some roots in reality.
I agree with most of the others in that you sound like an INFP. I don't feel the need to repeat anything that was said but I wanted to address this point. INFPs are Fi doms which means that they are judging dominants. I grew up with an INFP. She could be very critical at home, especially when her values were tripped over and even over small stupid things like you described. Before I understood the functions, I wanted to make her an INFJ due to this rigidity. However, now knowing what I know, she is a classic, almost stereotypical INFP. This rigid behavior shows up mostly at home with close family members. The peaceful bunnies junk is a very bad stereotype that confuses the type. The ISFP that I know is also similar in the sense that she's very "peaceful" in public, but then at home, she'll display a sudden rigidity and seem very judgemental when you do something that she's in disagreement with.

I also know an INFJ as well. What she does is.... different. INFJs are more likely to be keepers of the peace than INFPs. With aux Fe, I've noticed alot of passive aggressive behavior which is not something you described. Fi/Te is very black and white.

I’ll flare up and say things like “what? Why are you looking at me like that?” In a rather hostile manner, that he’s now used to, but I know comes off as somewhat abrasive. In other words I tend to be very defensive, always taking criticism where none was intended and thinking that people are saying awful things about me when they’re not
I know at least two INFPs who were exactly like this especially in their teen years. This is not somehting explained in the descriptions due to lack of intimate knowledge or desiring to only describe the positives. Fi doms draw everything back to self so assuming that everyone is talking about you when they're not is a negative Fi tendency along with being overly sensitive to criticism about self. Fe users tend to feel invisible and forgotten.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I agree with most of the others in that you sound like an INFP. I don't feel the need to repeat anything that was said but I wanted to address this point. INFPs are Fi doms which means that they are judging dominants. I grew up with an INFP. She could be very critical at home, especially when her values were tripped over and even over small stupid things like you described. Before I understood the functions, I wanted to make her an INFJ due to this rigidity. However, now knowing what I know, she is a classic, almost stereotypical INFP. This rigid behavior shows up mostly at home with close family members. The peaceful bunnies junk is a very bad stereotype that confuses the type. The ISFP that I know is also similar in the sense that she's very "peaceful" in public, but then at home, she'll display a sudden rigidity and seem very judgemental when you do something that she's in disagreement with.

I also know an INFJ as well. What she does is.... different. INFJs are more likely to be keepers of the peace than INFPs. With aux Fe, I've noticed alot of passive aggressive behavior which is not something you described. Fi/Te is very black and white.



I know at least two INFPs who were exactly like this especially in their teen years. This is not somehting explained in the descriptions due to lack of intimate knowledge or desiring to only describe the positives. Fi doms draw everything back to self so assuming that everyone is talking about you when they're not is a negative Fi tendency along with being overly sensitive to criticism about self. Fe users tend to feel invisible and forgotten.

This is extremely helpful, thank you. I believe, having researched the cognitive functions more, and having seen the feedback of various people on here, that I am definitely NOT an INFJ. I’m pretty sure I’m an INFP. I know that INFPs very often mistype themselves as INFJs, partly because they’re overestimating their intuiting abilities and partly because of the stereotypes surrounding INFPs. Looking at the cognitive functions really helped, like you were saying, I’m very much exhibiting Fi behavior tendencies. I’m not Fe at all. My mom, who’s an ENTP, exhibits more Fe behaviors than I do.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Welcome!

Well, both types, just like any type, can be combative or argumentative if the circumstances call for it. This sort of thing really comes down to the nuances of what made you behave that way.
It sounds like you have some issues at home which are clouding the waters... I would turn your focus away from them and onto a sphere of your life where you feel the most "yourself". When you're with friends you are long since done trying to impress, or how you interact with strangers, and especially how you think when you're sitting alone doing whatever you like to do.

Have you read up on the differences between Fi & Fe? Te vs Ti? Ne vs Ni? Si vs Se? Are any of those difficult to understand the difference between? (there are resources here on PerC to help).
Can you recognize any of your thoughts as leaning more towards certain functions?

When you remember something that happened in the past... are you just mining the memory for information, or is it almost like you are experiencing the moment all over again?

When you have good ideas... do they start as a small thread, and then when you pull the field of related possibilities gets wider and wider? Or do you start with some related ideas and then try to combine them into one single, perfect, thing?
These are some really good questions, and I’m sorry I took so long to get back to you! When I interact with strangers I’m often overthinking about how do they perceive me? And am I doing this right? I enjoy interacting with people, but I always need to recharge afterwards, because it feels like coming down from a stage performance. When with friends I often get really excitable and chirpy. When on my own, I’m usually overthinking one thing or another. Ex; worldbuilding, characters, some show I watched, my current romantic interest, etc.

I have recently read up on them, and having researched it more closely, I do think that everyone here who has been saying I’m more like an infp are right. Because I definitely lead with Fi and Te is definitely my inferior. I thought I might be an Sensor (ISFP) for a while, because...wow wouldn’t I love to be that spacially aware. But unfortunately I’m much more in my head then in my body.

Memories, for me, are like blurry movie sequences. Or like remembering a dream. The easiest memories for me to recall in perfect detail are the ones that are marked by a lot of strong emotion.

Ideas, they always start out as a small thread, and they just get wider...possibilities upon possibilities. I suck at combining it into a single perfect strand.

Again, thank you for your excellent questions! I really appreciate your time.
 

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This is extremely helpful, thank you. I believe, having researched the cognitive functions more, and having seen the feedback of various people on here, that I am definitely NOT an INFJ. I’m pretty sure I’m an INFP. I know that INFPs very often mistype themselves as INFJs, partly because they’re overestimating their intuiting abilities and partly because of the stereotypes surrounding INFPs. Looking at the cognitive functions really helped, like you were saying, I’m very much exhibiting Fi behavior tendencies. I’m not Fe at all. My mom, who’s an ENTP, exhibits more Fe behaviors than I do.
Excellent. Glad I could help!
 

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Fi AF INFP.

they r critical toward family like that.

INFPs dont show feelings and cry n shit the way blogs write about them.

my bff is an INFP i have seen her cry twice. once when a guy legit worse than cheated on her. and once when she crossed her personal values in a HUGEEEE way.
 

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I would like to add some questions that will hopefully give you clarification:
1. Do you tend to make a conclusion first and then try to find information to support that conclusion? Or do you tend to be open and try to understand instead of often / always feeling the need to conclude? (INFPs lead with Fi, which is actually a judging function, and INFJs lead with Ni, which is actually a perceiving function)

2. Do you feel the need to develop a single, focused vision to shape your intuitive energies to the point where it can be difficult for you to see new possibilities (Ni), or do you tend to come up with so many possibilities and have a hard time committing to a single vision (Ne)? Not saying this is absolute but I find that when INFJs have decided on something they want to do, they're more concrete and methodical about it.


3. Like others have mentioned, do you tend to apply the personal to the universal, or are you more likely to integrate the universal into the personal? (Fi vs Fe)



From my experience, INFP can be more concerned about right vs wrong, with having the "right" answers to everything. We may be less methodical and orderly than INFJs, but deep within us is a greater need for closure than INFJs, which often want to understand different perspectives and explore their own perspectives but without necessarily feeling the need to conclude that "this is right" / "that is wrong". With Fe, INFJs are more likely to measure a set of actions according to an objective / impersonal set of standards while for an Fi user like me, I see how that set of actions matches with the underlying set of goals that I agree or disagree with. I'm willing to be lenient even towards some extreme actions if I believe the cause resonates with my personal feelings, whereas an INFJ would probably focus more on the objective, measurable impact that they see as disturbance. INFJs can be a lot more outwardly assertive than INFPs, it takes more for us to stand up, but we can be less accommodating than INFJs because we're looking for that closure and do not want our inner framework of values to be challenged. INFJs are more willing to be diplomatic than INFPs because though their convictions are every bit as strong, they're more willing to bend and be flexible and even see a bit of good in "the other side" due to the greater reliance on an external moral framework, whereas if an INFP feels something strongly, compromise will be seen as stepping on authenticity, and the INFP's more likely to approach things with an "all or nothing", black and white mindset when in the heat of the struggle.

Since we're both feelers, we can both be incredibly unwavering when it comes to the things, ideas, beliefs we've attached emotions to. Purely rational persuasion is unlikely to resonate with us until we examine ourselves over extended periods of time, and then in my case I question whether so-called "rationality" that many claim is just another subjective approach. I would say INFJs can be more willing to work with the establishment and willing to give the establishment a chance even when it's made some grave mistakes / done horrific things, whereas for me as an INFP I'm a rebel at heart and if I can find a couple of core ideas within the establishment and a couple of things they've done as disagreeable with my own feelings, I'd puke if I ever had to deal with it.
 
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