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Thank you for the in-depth answers!

I'm not 100% sure she is ENFJ. But I wanted to know in general coz I am quite interested in ENFJ now.

... and that came out with an overly promiscuous tone but my point was that ENFJs seem to be popping up on my radar as of late.
 

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So I'm not sure if this is the place to ask.. my mom was ENFJ and when I used to feel down I would go to her 'cause she was like my bff. She passed away 11 years ago and I've had a distinct lack of ENFJ in my life. I'm just feeling lonely and staying up too late playing video games or reading or whatever on an ongoing basis. I'm curious what you do when you're down, or bored, or lonely or all the things?
 

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@Battlelina I usually spend time with people I care about, do something for other people to take the focus off of myself, distract myself with humor or funny Youtube videos, reach out to friends for emotional support, or pray and read my bible. I hope those help!

I'm sorry that you lost your mom btw—that really sucks. I'm also sorry that you're feeling lonely (that sucks too).

Here's an e-hug :hug:
 

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@Westy365 I wanted to say I really respect your openness about your faith/religion. I have been persecuted a lot in the past for my faith, so I am not so open about it. Especially as INTP, it's like "The only thing a nonconformist hates more than a conformist, is another nonconformist that won't conform to the normal form of nonconformity." - quote from an INFP friend

I was wondering if you'd be willing to consider sending a DM of some of your favorite passages, especially the ones that get you through tougher times?

Thanks for the e-hug too. :heart: :hug:
 

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@Westy365 I wanted to say I really respect your openness about your faith/religion. I have been persecuted a lot in the past for my faith, so I am not so open about it. Especially as INTP, it's like "The only thing a nonconformist hates more than a conformist, is another nonconformist that won't conform to the normal form of nonconformity." - quote from an INFP friend

I was wondering if you'd be willing to consider sending a DM of some of your favorite passages, especially the ones that get you through tougher times?

Thanks for the e-hug too. :heart: :hug:
Sure thing!
 

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Relationship Crisis, Very Confusing, Please Help

I will provide some context, so please bear with me:

I met a girl (she's ENFJ, I'm INTP) about 15 months ago, she is (today) 23 and I'm 33. I'm sure she's ENFJ, she takes tests routinely and has been doing so for years. We hit it off really well and were basically inseparable for about three months.

After three months, she moved to NYC for a job, which I fully supported because I really admire her drive, ambition, and intellect, and I felt our relationship was strong enough to withstand it. For about a year thereafter, on a monthly basis, I was either visiting her flying her out to visit me, and taking her on vacation (so we saw each other for about a week per month). We both met each other's parents, we FaceTimed almost daily, we were saying 'I love you', talking about marriage and kids and our future together, etc. It was a very close relationship and I really genuinely love this girl with all my heart.

Our daily communication waned off a little bit in recent months, but I still felt we were very much in love. She just said she felt a bit overwhelmed with work and her friends and her roommates, and I wanted to give her space so I didn't pester her too much about it. She has about 3,000 friends, so I know she gets stressed trying to please everyone and I didn't want to add to that stress.

As recently as a month ago she texted me out of the blue saying "I fall for you more every day" or something to that effect. Our conversations and texts were always very loving, even after the frequency dropped slightly. When I questioned her about why the frequency was dropping and asked if everything is ok, she continually reaffirmed me that she still is very much in love with me, she's just stressed.

Then, about a week ago, she seemed a bit cold and I asked her if we can talk because something seemed off. When we spoke, she told me straight up she wants to be single.

I was devastated, I cried a little bit and hung up the phone.

For about a week after that, she's called me pretty much every day, multiple times a day (probably more than she was calling me before). And pretty much every day, she emphasizes that she still loves me and still thinks that maybe I'm the one, but she's just not sure.

I will interject myself here and add: She's Christian and I'm Jewish/Atheist.

Her reasoning, which she said she still wasn't 100% sure of, is twofold: (1) she's worried about the religion thing and how we would raise our children, and (2) she wants to learn how to be alone and be more independent. She keeps telling me that she goes to bed crying about us and thinking about us, and she keeps telling me how much she loves me, even if (as she puts it) I don't believe her.

To me, both of these reasons seem to not tell the full story. For one, she's been pretty independent living in a different state for a year; and secondly, as far as the religion thing goes, which I understand can be challenging, it is something we never really took the time to discuss (i.e. in terms of how we would raise children, etc.) and I told her I would make concessions on that front.

Today, I accidentally called her "babe" when we FaceTimed and she asked me not to. I feel like I'm losing her and I really want to find a way to win her back.

I'm not sure if she's just over me completely and is afraid to say anything, but if she were I don't know why she would be calling me all the time and telling me she loves me (she also said she wants to come visit me soon), or why she would tell me she sometimes still thinks I'm the one. I don't think she's a liar and I'm trying really hard to believe her, but it's not easy, especially since I feel us growing farther apart every day.

I wrote her a long email saying I know I may have put pressure on her at times, but I still love her very much, and I will give her any amount of space and time she needs. I told her I'll wait for her. Last we spoke, she told me she saw my email and is mulling over how to respond. I'm a bit at a loss here, any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks,

g
 

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@wave85 Hey there! So, this sounds like a really complex situation that I don't think MBTI can totally help out with. I will say that ENFJs are most comfortable in relationships. We thrive on having close connections and being in love. If she is an ENFJ or something close to it it would not surprise me that she is not wanting to let go because that means she is hurting someone she cares about. I think she does want to be single but there are multiple reasons stopping her. Like hurting you, being alone and losing a close connection. There are totally different types of ENFJs out there and that may not be her reasoning but it has been mine in the past. I think she does love you and cares about you but I do think she is over the relationship and does want to be single from what you said.

What my suggestion would be is to give her space. Let her figure her feelings out (one big struggle Fe doms have is figuring out their own feelings). If she does want to talk maybe get her to reflect on her feelings and what she thinks about everything. I am sorry this is happening. Break-ups or any relationship trouble is painful. I just hope you know that if this relationship does end, you will find someone else that makes you just as happy and is maybe ready to settle down now if you are.
 

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Hi there, I'm an INFP female and wanted some advice on how to approach an ENFJ male who expressed romantic feelings for me. I'm pretty sure of our typings since we confirmed it with each other when we first met.

Backstory: We are coworkers and after chatting with each other at the office and then once out for drinks after work, he asked me out. I was currently dating someone and so basically rejected him (and in retrospect I should have mentioned I had a BF way earlier though I knew him only a week). I realized how much chemistry we had just chatting (that could easily translate into an emotional affair) and basically cut off contact and avoided him since then.

Fast forward a couple months and after going through a breakup I'm single now. I'm not looking to have a rebound but I also do wonder what it would be like to experience a relationship with him. I remember feeling oddly comfortable and open around him which is rare since I don't really open up easily.

How do I approach him and my interest in dating after 2 months of no contact? I dont know if he's even single or if he reacted negatively to my earlier rejection...
 

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Hi there, I'm an INFP female and wanted some advice on how to approach an ENFJ male who expressed romantic feelings for me. I'm pretty sure of our typings since we confirmed it with each other when we first met.

Backstory: We are coworkers and after chatting with each other at the office and then once out for drinks after work, he asked me out. I was currently dating someone and so basically rejected him (and in retrospect I should have mentioned I had a BF way earlier though I knew him only a week). I realized how much chemistry we had just chatting (that could easily translate into an emotional affair) and basically cut off contact and avoided him since then.

Fast forward a couple months and after going through a breakup I'm single now. I'm not looking to have a rebound but I also do wonder what it would be like to experience a relationship with him. I remember feeling oddly comfortable and open around him which is rare since I don't really open up easily.

How do I approach him and my interest in dating after 2 months of no contact? I dont know if he's even single or if he reacted negatively to my earlier rejection...
@blueggplant

Well, this is a little late, but as a Male ENFJ, I will add what I would want on the matter.

1. You did reject him after he expressed his interest in you. I am moving under the assumption that it was amicable and that you are still friends. I know that personally, after that, I would revert to just friends to drop my feelings after all.

2a. Assuming he doesn't have feelings for you currently, reconnect with him. Get intimate with his life, and see what his relationship status is. If you both are single, drop a few hints you are interested. Escalate eventually to a direct talk. It may remind me of my past feelings, and then you can knock him off with your INFP charm!! 😉

2b. Assuming he still has feelings for you, watch for how we acts around you. If he treats you differently compared to others (either warm OR cold), that is a good sign he is still interested. If you can tell he has feelings for you, have a direct talk.

These are my suggestions, but I hope they will work. Good luck, INFP!!
 

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Hi there, I'm an INFP female and wanted some advice on how to approach an ENFJ male who expressed romantic feelings for me. I'm pretty sure of our typings since we confirmed it with each other when we first met.

Backstory: We are coworkers and after chatting with each other at the office and then once out for drinks after work, he asked me out. I was currently dating someone and so basically rejected him (and in retrospect I should have mentioned I had a BF way earlier though I knew him only a week). I realized how much chemistry we had just chatting (that could easily translate into an emotional affair) and basically cut off contact and avoided him since then.

Fast forward a couple months and after going through a breakup I'm single now. I'm not looking to have a rebound but I also do wonder what it would be like to experience a relationship with him. I remember feeling oddly comfortable and open around him which is rare since I don't really open up easily.

How do I approach him and my interest in dating after 2 months of no contact? I dont know if he's even single or if he reacted negatively to my earlier rejection...
He is probably not that interested in you any more. It probably didn't make a good impression on him that you would go for drinks with him when you had a boyfriend.
 
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