Could there be a connection between an Eight's "Big Lie" of maintaining a sense of internal control/power, and an insecure link to 2-growth and 5-disintegration?
Could there be a connection between "The Big Lie" of maintaining a sense of internal control (sans help, or twisting words when asking for help to avoid giving up too much power to the potential helper), and an insecure link to 2-growth?
As I become more oriented toward helping others (2), I'm more likely to have moments where I notice the Big Lie (8) and think "You know what? I can ask for help and that's fine because it's merely an assist and there's nothing wrong with that."
Perhaps, conversely, the disintegration to 5 has to do with the mental effort of rumination and rationalization and eventually negation (unhealthy 5) involved in maintaining an illusory sense of control in order to avoid seeking help.
Like the pivot point will be the Big Lie cropping up (8), and the disintegration pull will come into play if insecure and seeking to overcompensate internal controls by rationalization (5), while the growing Eight will be pulled with more ease toward allowing people to help them because we ourselves are learning the attitudinal merits of helping others (2).
Could the Big Lie revolve completely around autonomy, with 5-disintegration being the result of overcompensatory autonomy and 2-growth being the result of a healthy "team-oriented" sense of autonomy?
The example from my life that brought this to light:
I was just thinking about this as I was brushing my teeth this morning. I was gauging, basically, whether or not to lie to someone about something I'm insecure about, and the thought struck me "This seems like a play that somehow involves my image as a competent person"-- My thoughts were centered around asking for help with something.
I realized that asking for help-- and omitting some of the reason why I'd seek such help, and what crafted an automatic lie I was scheming to tell-- wasn't troublesome to me because it would be an indication of a lack of competence.
My immediate thought was-- and has been a recurring theme-- "I know I'm out of control with this thing, and I don't want to indicate that outwardly to anyone."
In simply making the decision to take it on without the conditional of their help being upon it, I could give myself an illusion of having been in control all along.
Even though the move to "take back control" would have been-- if automatic and unexamined-- a simple way to maintain an illusion without anyone knowing any differently (the "big lie" perhaps?), in making the decision to take this control back, I was automatically reinstating a sense of competence and unwittingly placing a buffer between my ambitions and a sense of failing to keep control.
I personally don't care about an occasional lack of control because I know I can nip it in the bud without much thought. I only get kinda in my head about it when I'm not wanting others to usurp some of my control by helping me out with things:
I feel like, if I have to rely on someone else, that I'm giving up internal control to them by allowing them to be an external control. In becoming dependent to even the smallest extent, they have power over me and my mind works in the background to scheme ways to avoid that ever happening. It's where most of my lies throughout my entire life have been generated.