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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I was best friends with an ESFJ for about 12 years. We lived together for a year and a half, in june I moved out on my own because I could afford it. Around Aug. my friend started acting really out of her charactor. She was meeting a lot of guys off of the internet, and not going about it in safe ways. She would just have these guys pick her up at her parents house, not telling anyone where she met them. As well as overdrafting her back account. In the 4 months I have been with my boyfriend, shes dated like 5 different guys, or more.

Anyways, shes dating this new guy. Havent been dating too long, not even a month yet. She was hesitant to even tell me she was dating him. So I asked a coworker if he knew anything about this guy, since my co-worker and her boyfriend live in the same small town. He told me he had never met the guy, but he had heard he liked to get in girls pants by pretending to be a good Christian boy (from what he'd heard from his friends).

So finally I ask my friend about her boyfriend, I asked her "whats he like". "hes like... amazing. dude... we're gonna get married I just know it" :| may i remind you she was in a 2 year relationship and she diidnt even act that way?? And then she goes on and on how perfect he is, and how everyone will just love him. And I told her, I'm not so sure I'll like him, I'm a bit skeptical honestly. And she asked me why, and I told her why.

This is where shit starts going down south. She went on and on for hours, about how I didnt trust her opinion, and how she could take care of herself. Acting like a real hard ass (which she never did before). And then proceeds to tell me after 1 wk in advance we wont be hanging out, because shes "pissed" at me, and she doesnt want me to meet her boyfriend with her parents anymore. And I was like "Do you have any idea how flakey you seem? You go on for eons about me having a bad opinion on him, and now you dont even want me to meet the bastard?" Then she freaked out because she thought I called her precious boyfriend a bastard, and demanded I apologized for calling him (which I refused and never did, because I didnt call him a bastard, I used it in place of his name). And then she started acting CRAZY because I wouldnt give her the name of my source, even though I told her my co-worker was irrelevent because he had never met the man, he just had heard those things from his friends. Finally I flat out told her she was acting like she slept with the guy (she was a virgin prior). And then she told me I was acting like I slept with my co-worker...

I told her "glad to know you'd think I'd cheat on my boyfriend. When you feel like not being a complete bitch, talk to me. I have feelings too, you know. And for the past 24hrs you've been ignoring them. Any further messages will be ignored on this subject". And then she went crazy because I called her a "bicth" and said no matter how mad she was at me, shed never call me a "bitch". And I told her to never assume people are going to respond the way you do. I also told her I dont take bullshit from anyone, including her. And I wasnt treating her different than I would treat anyone else. And then she started talking about how all I had was loser boyfriends, and how her dad liked all of hers but hated mine. And that I was in no real place to give advice, and I was being stupid. I told her "dont point a spec in my eye, when you have a log in yours". and then she said "you are ignorant I am done" I told her, "thats your choice", "yup". "You will regret it some day.", "haha no i wont, you will. you know you werent as easy to live with as you think you were" After that I didnt respond, I didnt care. I wasn't going to stoop down to her level and throw shit in her face.


I'm not calling all ESFJ's bitches, but I dont understand why she just changed her complete personality, and chose a boy over me. Has anyone else seen this happen?
 

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ESFJ's mirror emotion. You could talk about gonorrhea spilling out of your dick but do it with a smile and they'll still be happy for you. It sounds like you gave her the hard logical truth (or at least a possibility of it). Its poison to 'em. Here's some news for ya, ESFJ's are bitches because they are difficult to reason with, because logic is the last thing on their to do list, and introverted sensing is a fucking pain in the ass to reason with as well. Just ignore her, she'll probably come crawling back, and if she doesn't you just need to get up in her face when she is by herself (they use public humiliation to get their way) and tell her you miss her friendship or something (do it with love coming out of your heart). You might not have to apologize, but if you do, just make it about how you took the wrong approach or some bullshit.

Her personality probably changed because of who she's with, he probably brings something out in her. It happens.

Also, if you have to tell an ESFJ she's a bitch, its best to phrase it, "You're being a bitch" as opposed to, "You're a bitch." Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Basically all I saw happen from reading this was, you heard something bad about her boyfriend, you told her, she didn't want to hear it, and let her fury fly out. The second you told her is the second everything she said was meaningless rage coming from her mouth. The personal insults are all meaningless rage to defend herself. If you can see past that you might have some clearer understanding of what to do next.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
ESFJ's mirror emotion. You could talk about gonorrhea spilling out of your dick but do it with a smile and they'll still be happy for you. It sounds like you gave her the hard logical truth (or at least a possibility of it). Its poison to 'em. Here's some news for ya, ESFJ's are bitches because they are difficult to reason with, because logic is the last thing on their to do list, and introverted sensing is a fucking pain in the ass to reason with as well. Just ignore her, she'll probably come crawling back, and if she doesn't you just need to get up in her face when she is by herself (they use public humiliation to get their way) and tell her you miss her friendship or something (do it with love coming out of your heart). You might not have to apologize, but if you do, just make it about how you took the wrong approach or some bullshit.

Her personality probably changed because of who she's with, he probably brings something out in her. It happens.

Also, if you have to tell an ESFJ she's a bitch, its best to phrase it, "You're being a bitch" as opposed to, "You're a bitch." Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Basically all I saw happen from reading this was, you heard something bad about her boyfriend, you told her, she didn't want to hear it, and let her fury fly out. The second you told her is the second everything she said was meaningless rage coming from her mouth. The personal insults are all meaningless rage to defend herself. If you can see past that you might have some clearer understanding of what to do next.
WHOA! I never even knew this was published! Lol. Yeah... the thing is I am stubborn, and if someone is gonna act that way every time I state my opinion, I don't want to be friends with them. It has been a month and I still haven't heard anything from her. Her cousins and aunt still talk to me on FB though. o_O
 

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WHOA! I never even knew this was published! Lol. Yeah... the thing is I am stubborn, and if someone is gonna act that way every time I state my opinion, I don't want to be friends with them. It has been a month and I still haven't heard anything from her. Her cousins and aunt still talk to me on FB though. o_O
You obviously care alot about her to try to find a solution...unfortunately...I am not sure how to get through to them when they are angry either...my ESFJ friend has been in my life since 2004...but then I wounded him and once an ESFJ is wounded deeply...they can close you off without looking back. But around every 6 months to a year we talk again...it's hard on my heart because I want reconciliation. But you and I are both ENTP's and according to Gulenko, a German personality theorist...ENTP and ESFJ and all supplement matches for that matter are the best possible match...and especially for best friends...so your problems are not because you are mismatched types at all. I posted this on another forum and it was in terms of romantic relationships but the same would be true of best friends just without all the extra lovey stuff but you get the idea:

ENTP & ESFJ
Best friends and/or lovers. Their primary function Fe is your tertiary function and your primary function Ne is their tertiary function so both will become a better person when together because they can help to strengthen each others weaknesses. This is a relatively peaceful relationship that encourages more than it degrades as you both strengthen your weaknesses just by being together. You are never bored together and fights end passionately with a deeper love and appreciation for each other. This match brings out your inner child and you will laugh more than you ever have in your life because it is very easy to have fun together. This connection does not lack in passion by any means. True soulmates of the heart!



Downfall: This relationship can leave you feeling like you are constantly improving but that may make you insecure like you are never good enough the way you are and at time when you need healing, this could be detrimental to your self esteem.



Examples:

1. Rachel McAdams (INFP) and Ryan Gosling (ISTJ) in the Notebook




2. Johnny Cash (ISTP) and June Carter (INFJ) in Walk the Line




3. Julien (ESTP) and Sophie (ENFJ) from the movie Love Me If You Dare / Jeux




Songs: Hoobastank -Reason
 
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