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Good question.

People tell me I am calming but I have no idea what they are talking about.

I have a vivid memory waiting with a friend for an exam and her saying "How are you so calm?"

And I was thinking "I don't feel so calm"
 

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I think it might have to do with some Nines' lack of anxiety. But I'm anxious as fuck, so I think it's also that we... don't SHOW our anxiety very often, because we deny it. We don't run around like crazed bunny rabbits, we try to see the silver lining or the bright side.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I think it might have to do with some Nines' lack of anxiety. But I'm anxious as fuck, so I think it's also that we... don't SHOW our anxiety very often, because we deny it. We don't run around like crazed bunny rabbits, we try to see the silver lining or the bright side.
Few nines have a lack of anxiety, although some feel it more than others. I would agree that we are generally good at hiding our anxiety, and we certainly don't like to focus on it.
 

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MOTM Nov 2012
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I'm not entirely sure, but I hear it a lot.

I think it's about non-reactivity, non-judgement, and an overall optimistic outlook. 9s are the go-with-the-flow type, throw something out that would typically get negativity and we'll shrug and go with it.

It doesn't matter what someone tells me or how nervous they are about it, I'm going to accept that it's valid for them and not judge them for it. If they're worked up I'm going to let them be however they need to be, there's no requirement for someone to change on my behalf.
 

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What is this optimism you speak of? Do you have to be an optimist to be a 9? I don't think of myself as an optimist -- more like 'I can't change it so I might as well do the best I can with it.'

Anyway....

Many people have commented on my ability to be rock-steady in a crisis, whether it's a looming deadline at work or a life-and-death situation. I think it has to do the pragmatism as well as the underlying stubbornness, the refusal to confront the over-reactive person and risk making the situation worse.
 

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I know a 9 who always makes me feel so calm. I went through some very difficult stuff last year and somehow I always ended up telling him about it, but then when I would go to talk about something that was bothering me, it was hard to find the words because I didn't feel it anymore when I was with him. He makes me feel totally understood without saying anything. His dad who is also a 9 was my Greek teacher this semester (yeah Greek. Very complicated language by the way) and he was the most chill teacher I've ever had. I have horrible testing anxiety, but he was always like "take your time, no rush, it doesn't matter" and kind of talked me through it. One time I freaking out about a test, and he said as long as I promised to try my hardest he wouldn't give me any lower than a B. I ended up getting an A, and an A+ for the whole year. Somehow because he wanted me to do well but didn't pressure me it made me do better and try harder. Best teacher I've ever had.
 

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MOTM Nov 2012
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What is this optimism you speak of? Do you have to be an optimist to be a 9? I don't think of myself as an optimist -- more like 'I can't change it so I might as well do the best I can with it.'
YMMV.

But positive types: 2, 7, 9.

9s are known for seeing the silver lining, as they want to focus on the good and not get weighed down by the bad, it will produce a positive outlook more oft than not.
 

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What is this optimism you speak of? Do you have to be an optimist to be a 9? I don't think of myself as an optimist -- more like 'I can't change it so I might as well do the best I can with it.'
Making the most of situations is basically the motto of an optimist, lol. You know, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Being able to make lemonade doesn't nullify the fact that life gave you lemons in the first place and you can recognize that.

Anyhoo!

As to the calming effect we give to others around us, I think it's mostly due to our harmonizing nature. Internally, we try to find a balance. Externally, we work to provide a balance to the environment around us. Especially the 9w1s. We're more likely to help put out fires than start them.

That's not to say it's some noble choice on our part or anything. Sometimes it's to our detriment. But I think we're the type least likely to unload onto others, because we're acutely aware of how conflict affects us on a deep level and so we wouldn't wish that on anyone else.

I can be extremely nervous or anxious at times and appear outwardly as calm and cool, even without attempting to do so, just because I'm busy internalizing the whole situation. I'm seeking the harmony within myself, rather than acting out. It could be because I'm an INFJ too, though, so my Fe makes me reactive rather than proactive in that regard. But anyways.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
There is definitely a calming effect even when there isn't something happening that's making everyone anxious. My type 9 friend seems to have that calming effect 24/7 - well close to anyway - and that I find draws me to him (I imagine that's why he seems to be drawn to me also, as people have commented that I apparently have a calming effect on others as well).

As for women, I certainly appreciate it when they give off the calming effect on me too. I guess I find it an attractive thing in women.
 

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What is this optimism you speak of? Do you have to be an optimist to be a 9? I don't think of myself as an optimist -- more like 'I can't change it so I might as well do the best I can with it.'

Anyway....

Many people have commented on my ability to be rock-steady in a crisis, whether it's a looming deadline at work or a life-and-death situation. I think it has to do the pragmatism as well as the underlying stubbornness, the refusal to confront the over-reactive person and risk making the situation worse.
I never really conisdered myself an optimist before. I can be cynical at times, which does not seem to gel with optimism.
And yet I am forced to concede that I am an optimist.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I never really conisdered myself an optimist before. I can be cynical at times, which does not seem to gel with optimism.
And yet I am forced to concede that I am an optimist.
Would type 4 be in your tritype? It is for me, and I find I can be quite pessimistic at times...in my case I'm either very optimistic or very pessimistic, but I prefer to remain optimistic, and I don't like to show it when I'm feeling pessimistic.
 

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I never really conisdered myself an optimist before. I can be cynical at times, which does not seem to gel with optimism.
And yet I am forced to concede that I am an optimist.
Me too. I'm not a total optimist. When I was younger I consider myself as a pessimist than an optimist. Perhaps this is due to trifix 4 and 5 that are both pessimistic types. But if all things got dark and I'm in the middle of nowhere, that's when my optimism comes, in a form of HOPE.
 

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I don't have 4 in my tritype, but I do have 5.


My SO is a 4, I don't have 4 pessimism, but maybe I have a lot of 5 cynicism.
 

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Me too. I'm not a total optimist. When I was younger I consider myself as a pessimist than an optimist. Perhaps this is due to trifix 4 and 5 that are both pessimistic types. But if all things got dark and I'm in the middle of nowhere, that's when my optimism comes, in a form of HOPE.
I say that I'm an optimist disguised as a realist.....
 

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I never really conisdered myself an optimist before. I can be cynical at times, which does not seem to gel with optimism.
And yet I am forced to concede that I am an optimist.
Cynicism and sarcasm are my primary languages. :happy: I guess if refusing to dwell on things I can't change makes me an optimist then I guess I'm an optimist. Doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
 

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I think 9's tend to not sweat the small stuff. We also tend to be approachable, easy going, and consistent. Consistency is so key in times of crisis because it gives off a vibe that everything is fine and you can keep on keeping on.

I'm cynical and self-deprecating, but I really like helping people through their personal problems and try to be optimistic for them. I'll tell them the truth, but in a way that has a definite positive spin.
 

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My boss called me zen.

I think people worry a lot and I don't want to be like them, at least on the outside. Sometimes, things really don't phase me. Once, there was this drama and misunderstanding with my friends. They all looked bothered in the car. Meanwhile, I was just smiling in the back... Sometimes, that makes me feel crazy. But, in that moment, I just felt really glad that I was having a good time and appreciating what there was, even though it could be seen as not good. And I also couldn't spread on my happiness to look insensitive, but I tried to change the mood a little.

I know this is ridiculous. But I read Twilight before it was all popular and.. Anyway, the character Jasper's power is to change the mood in a room, to balance it out, to be empathetic. And sometimes, I feel like I can relate to that. Not that I have that much power, I'd just like to be able to do that.
 

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I've been told multiple times that I'm pleasant and refreshing to be around. I've certainly seen some tense types (or people temporarily being tense at that time) chill out and cheer up after just blah blahing with me. I do have some worry-wart tendencies and certainly aren't that damned optimistic all the time, but I suppose just as part of that 9ish harmoniousness and hospitable-ness I will be more positivity-focused when I'm talking to other people (keeping things light promotes good feels and harmony between everyone). We all know there's some good in worrying and pessimism, but I like how people can ease up about or just forget their s*** altogether for a little bit around me. Taking it easy and feeling cheery is important too.


Anyway, I agree that it comes from our overall harmony-seeking of our interior and exterior; we're compelled to search for silver linings that helps us (and others) from sweating things, we go with the flow, we look to be on good and harmonious terms with others, and we tend to be accepting of things (people, events, etc.) in general.
 
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