[Kmiller92]

I have known I was an ENFP for quite sometime now.... but I only just realised that every male I seem to be attracted to is indeed the second half of that ENFP/INTJ 'perfect match!' Everything suddenly seems so clear to me! (I'm always trying to interpret meaning in things, and gain greater understanding of my personal relationships...ofcourse!).

My on/off boyfriend/ex is a a 4th yr engineer student.. and our main problems arose due to his lack of 'effort' (as perceived by me), and my overwhelming emotional needs etc. But I honesty love the way he is so 'emotionally dead', and I feel like he needs me ! haha! He is so smart and mysterious too, its fun!

SO I ASK, what the hell is it about those bloody INTJS that make you keep going back? Do you share my experiences??!

 

[chittychitty LightNING]

I suppose you could look at it like two magnets. When one side attracts, and the other repels, they attract each other. It seems you are exhibiting the same characteristics to a magnet in this sense. You see a hole, so you try and fill it. This seems like a destructive path, however - as he is incapable of filling your emptiness due to his own.

Take two glasses for example, one empty, the other half full: the first one has nothing to give the other glass. The second one can pour itself into the first glass entirely, but then it won't have any water left for itself. A good balance of water is needed in both glasses - but every metaphor has it's limits.

 

[Moby]

I REALLY don't think it's a perfect match for me, romantically or as friends. I know a number of INTJs personally, blessed I guess given their rare number supposedly. Two males, two females. They all seem to love me, but then again all 4 are pickly people with a lot of personal idiosyncrasies that turn off most other people. Trouble with the brain-mouth filter, social graces, and clinginess as all four do not have many friends. I get clinged to because "I have no other friends" they say, which breaks my heart in a way, but then I want them to excersize their prized independent thought and figure it out. Join a group with similar interests or something.

At times I feel like they're vampires: sucking my time and energy with ceaseless texts and emails. The moment I give a little "What's up?"

At this point you might think I hate them: I don't at all! They're deep thinkers, and some of the most thought-provoking and legendary conversations I've ever had have been with them. We also seem to share similar geeky or niche interests somehow.

My point is, I couldn't live with any I know. Either as platonic roommates, or girlfriends. One of the two girls is extremely physically attractive, trying to get ready to be a bikini model for a show in June. However, she's cold, rarely smiles, and has said a number of hurtful things to me over the years. The other is MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS but says she wishes she met me in high school, that she would want to date me instead of her husband, even that she had a dream we had sex in the bathroom at the ESL school we both taught at last winter. Ugh, creepy.

I think my experience is probably not representative from what I've read here, as I've heard other ENFPs expunge on the awesomeness and sexiness of the INTJ. Good on ya, and I don't mean that sarcastically! It's just not my experience, sadly.

 

[Kmiller92]

I like your metaphorical take on the matter....it rings somewhat true...

Though I honestly get weirded out with guys who are too nice, or 'keen.' I need them to be mysterious (which often means tainted!), even arrogant, and difficult to pursue.

This often results in me (despite being the female) being the one who cooks them food, buys them random gifts and is just simply awesome. It sort of fulfills me?

*sigh!*

 

[Kmiller92]

I do relate on the emails/texts situation...

 

[Tulipgarden]

My husband is an INTJ and an engineer! Love him. I love how he is logical and can think something through, we can have an intelligent conversation, sex is great, and it just works. We share a lot of the same morals. He is a thinker and not very emotional (Thank goodness because I can't have an overly emotional man) while I am not very overly emotional I guess I must think a lot about emotions in a logical way. I am a deep thinker...just not smart thinker. HAHA!

I don't think I over run him with too many texts or emails UNLESS I am mad. I think he wishes I texted and emailed him a little more. I go all day without texting or calling while he is at work because I figure he needs to concentrate. Sometimes, he is the one that sends me this really technical email about what is going on at work and I have to read between the lines to at least let him know I read it. lol I think last night he said "you're not talking to me" because I was on Facebook. So, I guess INTJ's have their moments also.

And then again, there are times when he walks in the door and before he can change out of his nerd clothes I am toting him around the house to show him everything I did today and that is about the point he is wanting to unwind. I bet I do drive him a little crazy.

 

[iloveducks]

Oh I know! There's this one INTJ/ENTJ that's been haunting me. I think I'm darkly obsessed with him and his hot wit MMMMMMMM I can't seem to get him out of my head and I have this nagging feeling he thinks about me that way too but I really can't tell, he's so unreadable.. Why do I always fall for this type? I have no explanation ;D

 

[NaughyChimp]

Meh. I dated one INTJ because this site said our Types were a magical match and I wanted to investigate. He's a nice, bright guy and I really tried hard but it didn't work out.

My most successful romantic relationships over the decades have been with an ENTP and an INFP.

 

[Alysaria]

I've ranted on this before.

The thing about these matches is that they are all anecdotal. First, there aren't enough typed people in any given population (let alone accurately typed) to find an unbiased sample size of people to ask about their dating preferences. If I know 10 ENFPs and all of them date INTJs, that may seem like enough to make a generalization... However, if I rephrase it, you'll see the problem with that logic. "There are 10 oak trees near where I live and all of them have a red squirrel. Therefore all oak trees have red squirrels."

We're wired to see patterns and to make connections, but there isn't enough data to make those broad, sweeping statements.

Second, compatibility is a deceptive term. Even if the data was there, it can only prove success rates of type matches; it does not prove that X works best with Y. It means certain combinations are more likely to occur. X has a % chance of longterm success with Y.

Third, there are other factors at play. Experience, environment, social roles, cultural expectations, etc can determine what a person will find appealing in a mate.

Ultimately, there are strengths and weaknesses to every pairing, and individuals are not identical within the type. One INTJ may be a great match where another INTJ might be a horrible match because of variations in temperament and how they approach the world.

 

[StaceofBass]

Ultimately, there are strengths and weaknesses to every pairing, and individuals are not identical within the type. One INTJ may be a great match where another INTJ might be a horrible match because of variations in temperament and how they approach the world.

Agreed here.

I like the mystery that seems to surround the INTJ personality and the blunt honesty, but I will say that not all ENFPs are the same and not all INTJs are the same. Even though me and the rest of the ENFPs may share a personality type, we are still very different people with different interests, different values, etc. For some ENFPs, the INTJ just may not be a good match and that's okay. The opposite can be true too.

 

[fguewriter]

I think it's the yin-yang aspect. Simple as that. The N seems to be the most important, sometimes, for compatibility.

 

[Olmed3011]

After I got to know some in irl I must admit they are fascinating, but I did not expect them to be. Someone mentioned their honesty and I would add their integrity and self-confidence. But despite their cool calmness they are not the kind of rigid and "negative" type I find some SJ(T)´s to be. The intj put you in your place, but not to lecture you, more because what you say is illogical and because they want to challenge your logic capacity. Still they have something good about them, perhaps it is the common N.