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Hello everybody. I'm always sortof sad when people focus on the negitives here, but this is an issue I've had for a long time. Maybe others can relate.

Obligatory background, Male, 15, INXJ, I'm shy, really shy, I took the Liebowitz social anxiety test and got 83, which is a low severe, (marked anxiety cutoff is 80) I think I might've overestimated some of my answers though, it's out of 0-3 on each thing and I might've overestimated some because it's not very subtle and... and...

But this is exactly the point. I'm quiet, I don't want to be noticed, I can't pull myself out to see a therapist because god forbid other people talk and tink there's something WRONG with me, and I'm always afraid that when I get there it'll be awkward because I'm fine, and I was just was just imaging it all and inflating symptoms that are just normal emotional states.

Speaking of which, I think I have some very very mild version of bi-polar, because I've been through depressive periods lasting several days (with serious suicidal thoughts) and periods that I might describe as mania but never last for any period of time but it's never as serious or as bad as all the people cheering for the recognisation of depression telling people to get help say it is. Maybe they're exaggerating? But I know I will never get help for anything, because everything I think to myself is made up in my head, whose thoughts are too fallible for me to make judgement on.

Not to mention anorexia... Maybe? I'm not obsessive about it, I don't weigh myself (I always say muscle weighs more than fat so this whole thing is completely inaccurate) or calorie count, (I'm very intrested in biology and dismiss that stuff as the thought of people panicing about stupid insignificant social judgement that is self and sexually centered.) but I still don't eat lunches if I'm not hungry and maybe I make the decision to not eat more often I should.
I'm pretty sure you aren't meant to get hunger pains. They feel like someone is stabbing at my lining sometimes. This can't be normal.

But all of this is self-diagnosed on the internet, and self-diagnosis is unreliable, because people want a reason for things, and sometime they want things to be wrong, because they just can't handle that this is how things are for most people. Because they only see the good sides, probably, maybe...
People inflate opinions and symptoms and feelings so and while I even doubt that they do it as much as I think they do in this instance, I can't help fee like all this information I've gathered about myself is void. But what if it isn't?

This voice in my head (metaphorical guysh, I'm not crazy) won't stop running this cycle over and over again. I will never get better because there is nothing wrong.

I will never get better because there is nothing wrong.

Yeah, that's it.

I don't know... <==Look at the doubt right there, right at the start of this sentence I'm about to write, how it sickens me. This is not the way to get things done.

I am no expert but this is not a good cycle, is there a name for this? Can anyone relate? Are there ways I can get help for any of this stuff without going to someone and talking flesh face to flesh face? Have a ball in the comments. You've listened to me more than enough.
 
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