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I just joined personalitycafe so I hope I'm not breaking any rules by cross-posting this here and in the Myers Briggs forum, but here goes:

Hi everyone:

I'm currently writing a story with a fictional ENFJ main character (a person in political life).

I know that ENFJs are generally outgoing, friendly, helpful, compassionate and charming individuals.

But I'm looking for ENFJs to tell me more about the darker side of ENFJ-dom.

First of all, from personal experience I would love to know from ENFJs (to help me understand you all more):


  • What are you like on your worst days?
  • What drives you crazy?
  • What depresses you or makes you sad? Or makes you just want to curl up and cry or die?
  • What kinds of insecurities are ENFJs likely to have about themselves in the world?
  • What is likely to make you blow up at someone? Or are you likely to do that at all?
  • What is your worst weakness?
  • When you're having a particularly bad day, how do you act? (do you withdraw, do you go crazy on people, do you cover it up and act as if nothing is wrong?)

The second part of this question is how you as an ENFJ find relationships with INTJs.

For any of you who are in any kind of relationship with an INTJ (romantic, family, friendship, work related), how do you cope with that (we can be a difficult bunch, as you might know!).


  • How do you find your interactions with ITNJs in general?
  • Is there anyone with experience of a rocky relationship with an INTJ initially which turned into something great?

Thanks everyone!
 

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Already answered some of these in your other thread. Here I'll talk about INTJs.

How do you find your interactions with INTJs in general?
Generally I actually relate to INTJs quite a bit in some ways. We have a very similar sense of humor so that's a plus. For the most part things are good between us. Being social is a bit more easy for me than it is for them, but that isn't to say that I'm MORE social. My best friend is an INTJ and he's probably more social than I am, or at least I get the impression that he is. People love his quirkiness and dark sense of humor and most people can easily overlook his flaws because he's a generous guy. The main difference between us is that they get far more stressed out about technical problems than I do. Whereas I see this as them overreacting, they see it as me UNDERreacting. However I have known one INTJ who actually liked this about me, lol.


Is there anyone with experience of a rocky relationship with an INTJ initially which turned into something great?
Sadly I've only experienced the reverse of this. ^^;
 

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My brother is an INTP and I find our relationship to be great. We have both different professions and have kind of the same approach to them. My profession is music and his are mathematics, so it seems that we have the same driving-force against what we love. I am usually the one making decisions, but he's the one that does the logical thinking behind most of our common decisions. We also have a common sense of sarcastic humor and I find his Thinking-jargon very amusing even thou I am the more social of the two of us that actually start conversations in the first place. I think even thou he is INTP, he has just slightly P over J and I have just slightly J over P.

So for me it seems like ENFJ's and INTJ can do well together. Its probably the strong iN that makes the common attraction point. ENFJ and INTJ would probably make great colleagues, but in dating or romantic relationships I dunno.
 

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*What are you like on your worst days?

Needy, irratable, stuck inside my own perspective, easily offended, annoyed at everything and sad at the same time.


*What drives you crazy?

Example: When someone clearly knows less that me on a subject but acts and talks like they know way more, giving their own selfish, uninformed and illogical perspective all the cred. And then makes me feel guilty and like I'm mean if I bite back.


*What depresses you or makes you sad? Or makes you just want to curl up and cry or die?

If I have hurt someone. If something I've worked very hard for isn't working out, especially if it's a relationship. Feelings of loneliness. When people hurt others. Death.


*What kinds of insecurities are ENFJs likely to have about themselves in the world?

I'm insecure about being: smart, funny, not boring to be with, understanding enough, open and relaxed with new people, beautiful. Probably more.


*What is likely to make you blow up at someone? Or are you likely to do that at all?

If they are hurting someone else severely.


*What is your worst weakness?

The weakness that I dislike most is that I sometimes can't help being judgemental, lecture others and nag.


*When you're having a particularly bad day, how do you act? (do you withdraw, do you go crazy on people, do you cover it up and act as if nothing is wrong?)

Depends. If I'm sad I withdraw and act as if nothing is wrong. If I'm irritated I might take it out on others.


Good luck with your story! :)
 

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*What drives you crazy? Example: When someone clearly knows less that me on a subject but acts and talks like they know way more, giving their own selfish, uninformed and illogical perspective all the cred. And then makes me feel guilty and like I'm mean if I bite back.
I can totally relate to that! It's like in a discussion on a topic I have studied for hours and hours a person with less knowledge just throws out his/her opinions (often made right out of prejudice, clearly) and don't give up until I feel I've been too hard on him/her. Luckily I do not often have discussions with the ego-preserving types... Or it is just relativism i guess, when everyone can know everything because there is no truth. OFF TOPIC: It's nice to see a fellow swede in this forum (which I very, very recently signed up on. Newbie. ) :)
 

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I can totally relate to that! It's like in a discussion on a topic I have studied for hours and hours a person with less knowledge just throws out his/her opinions (often made right out of prejudice, clearly) and don't give up until I feel I've been too hard on him/her. Luckily I do not often have discussions with the ego-preserving types... Or it is just relativism i guess, when everyone can know everything because there is no truth. OFF TOPIC: It's nice to see a fellow swede in this forum (which I very, very recently signed up on. Newbie. ) :)
Ooooh another ENFJ who is swede and the same age! That hasn't happened before! Welcome :)
 

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  • What are you like on your worst days?
I'm either really despondent or very snappy/withdrawn.


  • What drives you crazy?
Not understanding things, people being mean to others for no reason and such.


  • What depresses you or makes you sad? Or makes you just want to curl up and cry or die?
Thoughts of people/animals I care about being hurt or losing someone (I've got this a bit deep down inside because my cat's really sick...) I tend not to show feeling upset until it becomes so desperate I break down.


  • What kinds of insecurities are ENFJs likely to have about themselves in the world?
Do people like me? Am I doing the right thing? What've I done to upset them? Are they mad at me?


  • What is likely to make you blow up at someone? Or are you likely to do that at all?
I blow up after a long time holding things back. I find the tiniest thing can set me off at that point (one time I got into a really tiny argument and got really upset because of everything else going on.)


  • What is your worst weakness?
Too scared to say no.


  • When you're having a particularly bad day, how do you act? (do you withdraw, do you go crazy on people, do you cover it up and act as if nothing is wrong?)
I'd say it depends on the situation, but I tend to withdraw. I begin by tackling it and being optimistic, making it into a joke, then getting very discouraged, then mopey, then sad, then withdrawn.




  • How do you find your interactions with INTJs in general?
I've met two. One was a sociopath who I actually ended up getting very angry with (he wound me up for two years (being emotionally abusive to people I care about and such) and I ended up smacking him in the face.) The other I liked a lot and was very nice to talk to.


  • Is there anyone with experience of a rocky relationship with an INTJ initially which turned into something great?
No, but I could see it happening. INTJs are very interesting people and I find myself in awe of their thinking abilities.
 

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The darker side is also I'm way more manipulative than I'd like people to believe when I am in a bad mood or provoked. Let's face it, no one is kind all the time and we aren't cute bunnies all the time. I have a *Very* long fuse but once you've used it up as a person or on a particular subject I will be gone. I used to mentally mess up people that were beyond jerks to me in my 20's but now I just leave, nobody's worth that amount of energy. I love psychology and I definitely plant suggestions for good but if you are a jerk.. well.. it's not going to be a good day if you are mean to me.

•What are you like on your worst days? Frazzled and short with people, also I sigh a lot because I'm angry and don't know how to express it, I will start arguments without trying to just because I'm annoyed and every thing annoying that someone does just gets on my last nerve even more.

•What drives you crazy? People that act like zombies and aren't 'awake', that just buy, listen to news blindly and don't think for themselves and consume consume away. slow walkers in front of me and no way to go around them,

•What depresses you or makes you sad? Or makes you just want to curl up and cry or die? When I hear on the news about a mass death from a natural disaster or of someone shooting children, I avoid the news because I can't handle it much, horror movies (and the fact that people like them is creepy to me), war movies, things like Anne Frank and mass genocide. I don't just want to cry, I do.

•What kinds of insecurities are ENFJs likely to have about themselves in the world? Doubting our talents no matter how great they are, feeling like at any moment someone is going to point at us and call us a fraud and that we have no true worth to the world.

•What is likely to make you blow up at someone? Or are you likely to do that at all? Having a bad day and someone being critical of something I do and it's not perfect because I strive for it ALL the time, so it's like give me a freaking break! What will really make me blow up is someone "TELLING" me how I feel or dismissing my feelings "NO, you don't really feel that way, you are just tired, or stressed." omg I'm steaming just thinking about it. It's like a "patting you on the head and dismissing you", extremely infuriating.

•What is your worst weakness? Being vulnerable with people I care about, telling them what I *really* want.

•When you're having a particularly bad day, how do you act? (do you withdraw, do you go crazy on people, do you cover it up and act as if nothing is wrong?) withdraw and fake smile and feel equally fake, then go home and cry my face off. (this relates back to that 'fraud' thing)

The second part of this question is how you as an ENFJ find relationships with INTJs.
For any of you who are in any kind of relationship with an INTJ (romantic, family, friendship, work related), how do you cope with that (we can be a difficult bunch, as you might know!).

•How do you find your interactions with INTJs in general? I'm dating an INTJ and have dated many in the past and my closest intimate friends are also INTJ's. I like that they are seemingly the 'strong silent type' and when I say something that makes them laugh it is way more fulfilling to me than with some other types.

•Is there anyone with experience of a rocky relationship with an INTJ initially which turned into something great? Yes, my good friend in Italy, I always thought in his comments he was insulting me but for some reason just felt there was more to it (besides a basic translation issue) and we became great friends. INTJ's tell me "WHAT did this person do for YOU?" and help pull me out of my head when overthinking (and tell me *I* think too much, which we all find amusing) . It takes awhile to establish that trust between INTJ and ENFJ but once it is there, it's a lock, for years I am still friends with INTJ's, it's like a 'forever' bond once established.
 

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What are you like on your worst days?

Moody, manipulative, impatient, sarcastic, deceptive, over-emotional, assertive, headstrong, timid, revengeful, invasive, restless, delusional, snobby.

What drives you crazy?

Rudeness, irrationality, superficiality, conventionalism, narrow-mindedness.

What depresses you or makes you sad? Or makes you just want to curl up and cry or die?

Lack of attention, understanding, and consideration; loneliness, mood swings, having no purpose and feeling useless, boredom.

What kinds of insecurities are ENFJs likely to have about themselves in the world?

Not being smart, productive and worthy enough. I generally lack self-confidence and my ideals are not easy to achieve.

What is your worst weakness?

Vulnerability, nervousness, impulsiveness, giving too much weight to the views of others.
 
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