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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello here, it's been a few months since I've last been on this account and generally my life is an improvement (for those of you who may remember some of my older posts, I am doing much better). INFP male here. Recently, I've gotten back in contact with a woman in my class whom I had last seen in person two years ago. What happened was that she had difficulties with the program and had switched campuses before I had a chance to really show any interest to her, so though she is still relatively close by (i.e. almost the same city) she is still 1 or 2 hours away and I only contact her online. Anyways, I've recently begun to grow interested in her once again. Our friendship has grown significantly online as I did not have much of a chance to talk to her when I met her in campus outside of class, as she was very reclusive. Even so, she is extremely hard to read, and probably more introverted than I am, never mind the fact that I have symptoms of aspergers and therefore already have difficulty reading facial expressions and social cues. So .... our conversations online seem to be going well; she's really involved in her field of interest and talks about it a lot, but our conversations don't last *that* long; sometimes they die off. That's ok, and I don't necessarily mind if she's not immediately interested in me. All I'd like to do is really get to know her more on an intimate--i.e. intellectually, not physically of course-- level within her comfort zone, and hopefully ask to meet her up this summer now that finals are over and take it from there. How do I bring up the subject of meeting her, since it's going to be mostly out of the blue--given that we haven't been in contact for more than a year? Any advice on how to decipher her and what not to do, should I desire to woo her? How would I communicate what I have stated earlier regarding expectations? It is my understanding that INTJs are not necessarily unemotional but they do take time to process things, which is alright by me as I do the same (though I have to work with a little generalized anxiety). I think I'm ready to take a friendship with a woman I'm interested in to a next level; even if not to a full relationship, at least to one where I can feel intellectually comfortable and in my element.

Thanks, and it's nice to be back.
Feeling, and out.
 

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... our conversations don't last *that* long; sometimes they die off. That's ok, and I don't necessarily mind if she's not immediately interested in me.
Just because the conversations don't last long doesn't mean she's not interested. There are a lot of people that I really enjoy talking to that I don't have lengthy conversations with simply because I don't know what to say next. The simple matter is that if I have nothing left to say, I am not going to say anything at all. I either wait for you to say something that I can respond to or I come up with something myself that I want to share.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
@Quierta Understood, I was more so implying that I am willing to accept the possibility she IS not interested, i.e. I don't want to get up my hopes unreasonably and crash and burn like I did all those times I did. The Fe is strong with me.
 

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Mmm! Well, the only way to really know how she might feel is just to be open and ask her. Even if we share a type there are definitely differences between everyone here but I'm pretty sure the honest, authentic approach is the best way to go about it. If you guys have already known each other for a while I don't see the harm in requesting that you meet somewhere.

I'll say that it's better to be specific about the meeting, if possible. "Do you want to meet this summer at this place or to do this thing?" as opposed to "Do you want to meet some time?" It provides a kind of goal.

If she isn't then she'll tell you that she isn't, and just proceed as usual.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Mmm! Well, the only way to really know how she might feel is just to be open and ask her. Even if we share a type there are definitely differences between everyone here but I'm pretty sure the honest, authentic approach is the best way to go about it. If you guys have already known each other for a while I don't see the harm in requesting that you meet somewhere.

I'll say that it's better to be specific about the meeting, if possible. "Do you want to meet this summer at this place or to do this thing?" as opposed to "Do you want to meet some time?" It provides a kind of goal.

If she isn't then she'll tell you that she isn't, and just proceed as usual.
Alright, so I sort of have an idea of where I'd like to ask her, should I just bring up the idea of meeting up this summer and introduce the possibility of going to this specific event (relevant to what we've been talking about recently)?
 

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Yes! Especially if you already know it's something she likes I don't see why not. That way hopefully there'll be something for you two to talk about while you're there if all else fails and she won't feel pressured to make conversation about something else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
So I asked her online (since that's the only contact I have of her not having seen her in a little more than a year) and she said that her schedule is scarily busy. As I said, she's obsessed with her field, so given that she said she'll let me know after I asked her if she finds some time, I can't tell how favourable this is. She still seems to type with expression/emoticons so she's not entirely aloof. Idk...
 

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So I asked her online (since that's the only contact I have of her not having seen her in a little more than a year) and she said that her schedule is scarily busy. As I said, she's obsessed with her field, so given that she said she'll let me know after I asked her if she finds some time, I can't tell how favourable this is. She still seems to type with expression/emoticons so she's not entirely aloof. Idk...
It probably just means that she is scarily busy right now, but she will try to find the time. Most INTJs are pretty straightforward about things like this.
 

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You know, we're not some exotic beast with vastly different wants and needs to any other women. There are really only a few things that piss us off.

- Wishy, washy lack of commitment
- Beating about the bush instead of saying what you mean

No need to approach her like a wild cat, gingerly holding out a piece of liver and expecting her to bite you. We save that kind of kink for the bedroom. :laughing: Just go get her, like any other woman.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
You know, we're not some exotic beast with vastly different wants and needs to any other women. There are really only a few things that piss us off.

- Wishy, washy lack of commitment
- Beating about the bush instead of saying what you mean

No need to approach her like a wild cat, gingerly holding out a piece of liver and expecting her to bite you. We save that kind of kink for the bedroom. :laughing: Just go get her, like any other woman.
best reply ever, on point and funny! thx

*kink* o_o
 

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Copy and paste your post here into a message to her. Tell her straight out, “I posted this about you in the INTJ section of a personality website.”
 
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