Personality Cafe banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 114 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Good day, Forums. I'm not entirely sure how to approach this, so I suppose I'll just go for it.

As an INTJ, I would be hard-pressed to trust the judgment in matters of the heart with any Type sans my own. Others are perfectly welcome to offer input of course, but I thought it would be best to place it in our threads all the same. Now, I've never been in any form of romantic attachment before, and I've never held any interest in doing so. I've always be very happily single, and I still am. But lately there's been...

A disturbance.

A particularly friendly, bumbling and back-tracking yet well-meaning, and disconcerting disturbance in the form of an ISFP male, who has taken it upon himself to.. pursue me, for lack of better term. Through a forum.

It has to be the strangest thing I have ever seen.

He doesn't know my name, and he is all smiles and flirtation. Using *indication of an action* to give tokens of affection, purposefully bringing me into conversation, sending me private messages to talk, and making a proper nuisance of himself. It sounds like I'm trying my best to sound pompous and properly Scientist, but I'm not sure how else to describe it. It's been four months since this started, and he has yet to be deterred. I still haven't told him my name, he is unaware that he's four years my senior, and I had thought I made it clear I wasn't looking for romantic escapades.

But he won't go away. The determination is something I was not expecting. I've found that he is enjoyable company - he certainly has interesting things to say - but it's all quite odd.

For the sake of just trying to get a better grasp of what I'm dealing with I gave him a link to the Typology quiz, and lo and behold, he's an Artist. This struck me as odd, as one of my dearest friends is also an ISFP, but she is a completely different enchilada.

So different an enchilada, it's like they're not even of the same food ethnicity anymore. He's an enchilada and she's sushi, and it baffles me those who are so different share a Type.

I'm digressing. I came in hopes of... I don't know. Experience? Advice? Knowledge of ISFPs, and their strange mating rituals? As I type I'm debating posting this in the foreign waters of the ISFP threads, to see what they have to say. Anything you have to offer on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wasp

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,025 Posts
Its cute how you're so bamboozled.

All the ISFPs I know are really flirty. Love to joke around and stuff. Its possible that he doesn't actually like you, but is just like that naturally.
 

·
*Triple Thanks*
Joined
·
3,287 Posts
Using *indication of an action* to give tokens of affection, purposefully bringing me into conversation, sending me private messages to talk, and making a proper nuisance of himself.
When I was a teenager, this insanely cute ESFP would sit on my lap for hours while I'd play the piano, with her head on my shoulder, and fawn all over me and flirt to a degree I have never seen before...and she married another guy. We were just friends...never anything more. She was just that flirtatious. She'd stare deeply into my eyes and her pupils got huge and she gave every sign that she was interested but...she wasn't. Most peculiar thing I've ever seen.

...he is unaware that he's four years my senior...
He is now. If he's really into you, he's probably tracking your posts and now knows you think these things. If he's just flirty, he's probably not tracking your posts at all.

Look at his posts and threads he's started...does he have a million visitor messages? Is he obviously the talkative and flirtatious type? Does he do *sadfasdfasdf* with all the other females?

For the sake of just trying to get a better grasp of what I'm dealing with I gave him a link to the Typology quiz, and lo and behold, he's an Artist. This struck me as odd, as one of my dearest friends is also an ISFP, but she is a completely different enchilada.
You could throw a pile of green playdough at the wall and shout, "ISFP!" and it would be equally accurate.

He's an enchilada and she's sushi
God, I'm hungry now. Time for a cheese enchilada and some Ikura.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
All the ISFPs I know are really flirty. Love to joke around and stuff. Its possible that he doesn't actually like you, but is just like that naturally.
Which is so flipping maddening a thought! People shouldn't be allowed to be naturally flirtatious; it throws everything off.

When I was a teenager, this insanely cute ESFP would sit on my lap for hours while I'd play the piano, with her head on my shoulder, and fawn all over me and flirt to a degree I have never seen before...and she married another guy. We were just friends...never anything more. She was just that flirtatious. She'd stare deeply into my eyes and her pupils got huge and she gave every sign that she was interested but...she wasn't. Most peculiar thing I've ever seen.
That is incredibly odd, and kind of unacceptable. XD So many mixed messages!

He is now. If he's really into you, he's probably tracking your posts and now knows you think these things. If he's just flirty, he's probably not tracking your posts at all.
It's not on this forum that we converse, but another. I doubt he's aware that these threads exist.

Look at his posts and threads he's started...does he have a million visitor messages? Is he obviously the talkative and flirtatious type? Does he do *sadfasdfasdf* with all the other females?
No, but he did respond to something a girl said with something along the lines of "I don't flirt for flirting's sake".

You could throw a pile of green playdough at the wall and shout, "ISFP!" and it would be equally accurate.
Drat- and here I was thinking I had at last found a way to conveniently categorize people with a more reliable method than astrology.
 

·
*Triple Thanks*
Joined
·
3,287 Posts
No, but he did respond to something a girl said with something along the lines of "I don't flirt for flirting's sake".
If he doesn't flirt automatically, you should be direct and tell him he's irritating the hell out of you. If he likes you, that should send a clear signal that you're not interested. If he doesn't like you, then maybe you'll be free of him altogether. There's always the ignore function. I don't know if the other site has an ignore function.

On second thought, be even more direct and tell him he's irritating the hell out of you AND you have no romantic interest in him...period.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
If he doesn't flirt automatically, you should be direct and tell him he's irritating the hell out of you. If he likes you, that should send a clear signal that you're not interested. If he doesn't like you, then maybe you'll be free of him altogether. There's always the ignore function. I don't know if the other site has an ignore function.
That's.. the crux of the issue. He's not.. irritating the hell out of me. He should be, but he's not.
At first I thought it was a whole new brand of bizarre creature in possession of annoying aspects come to harrass the unsuspecting female, but now I don't get why he's not bothering me.

I would prefer him bothering me.

Obviously I take these things quite seriously, and I realize this is probably influenced by the fact that nobody has shown an interest in me before, but he's... nice. Asks about my interests and shares anecdotes and other things. So I came in hopes of getting more perspective on his MB Type, if nothing else, maybe even people's past experiences, to try and understand him at least a little better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,401 Posts
I know what this is all about. He gave you attention, it wasn't irritating to your surprise (because most people are irritants generally speaking for the INTJ), then he stopped giving you attention and now you want it back. Limerance only goes so far, it's a great feeling sure, but it's a bitch because it never "progresses," into anything more than that. The question here is, what exactly do you want out of this? This is more about you, than the ISFP, I believe.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I know what this is all about. He gave you attention, it wasn't irritating to your surprise (because most people are irritants generally speaking for the INTJ), then he stopped giving you attention and now you want it back. Limerance only goes so far, it's a great feeling sure, but it's a bitch because it never "progresses," into anything more than that. The question here is, what exactly do you want out of this? This is more about you, than the ISFP, I believe.
That's not the case at all, actually. We converse regularly, so he hasn't "stopped given me attention"- when I said "bother", I meant I'd prefer it if I found him annoying, as it would be easier and more familiar; you're quite correct on the irritant aspect. I'm hoping for insight on ISFPs, and as for what I want from the exchange I'm not looking for anything beside platonic relationships until I have a few more degrees under my belt.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,401 Posts
That's not the case at all, actually. We converse regularly, so he hasn't "stopped given me attention"- when I said "bother", I meant I'd prefer it if I found him annoying, as it would be easier and more familiar. I'm hoping for insight on ISFPs, and as for what I want from the exchange I'm not looking for anything beside platonic relationships until I have a few more degrees under my belt.
I see, apologies then. Maybe it's just me, but the way you word things is not that direct, what you think you mean, is not what you mean, you actually have a different meaning altogether. Initially when I read your post, I didn't see a problem. I'd love to help, but I'm afraid there needs to be more clarity here at least for me to tackle whatever issue you think you are perceiving. Anyways, hope that made sense. Oh and might I add, that xSFPs share the same cognitive functions as us (in a different order), so really it's not that surprising.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
I see, apologies then. Maybe it's just me, but the way you word things is not that direct, what you think you mean, is not what you mean, you actually have a different meaning altogether. Initially when I read your post, I didn't see a problem.
Ah. If you don't mind my asking, where have I claimed something without realizing what it meant, or displayed it improperly? I swear I'm not getting defensive; merely hoping to make things as clear as possible. And, please pardon this bit of pride, "bother" is a suitable substitute for "annoy", however reading over it I see how it could be taken as being applied to portray that effort was not being given.

I'd love to help, but I'm afraid there needs to be more clarity here at least for me to tackle whatever issue you think you are perceiving. Anyways, hope that made sense.
The issue I think I am percieving is thus: I don't understand him. He has a Type the other people share. Others like me have surely encountered those like him; if other INTJs were so inclined they could help me understand him from our perspective. Or, Hell, anybody with anything to say on the matter would be helpful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,401 Posts
Ah. If you don't mind my asking, where have I claimed something without realizing what it meant, or displayed it improperly? I swear I'm not getting defensive; merely hoping to make things as clear as possible. And, please pardon this bit of pride, "bother" is a suitable substitute for "annoy", however reading over it I see how it could be taken as being applied to portray that effort was not being given.
It's in your words, you sound confused. I really don't know how to explain it. I've been where you have been, so I understand the situation and or predicament.

The issue I think I am percieving is thus: I don't understand him. He has a Type the other people share. Others like me have surely encountered those like him; if other INTJs were so inclined they could help me understand him from our perspective. Or, Hell, anybody with anything to say on the matter would be helpful.
xSFPs and even xNFPs have a sort of "flirty/fawn-ish" nature to them that can kind of make the INTJ go "Uh, what just happened there?" It's possible that he likes you, it's also possible that it's just his nature to act that way and is not into you the way you may perceive. I really think you are just mind fucking yourself as there is nothing to understand here. Your "J" for lack of a better word, seems to be going wild here and is trying to "fit" him into something that is "unknown" to you. The INTJ says, "I have X and it needs to fit in Y, wtf is all this FTY shit?" The best thing to do in situations like these, is to let your brain go, don't think about it, don't over analyze it, but keep the line and or boundary that you already established (this is important). Just enjoy the attention and company for what it is and if you feel the need to cross that boundary, then you have reason to start mind fucking yourself and you can come back with questions. Oh and if you really truly want to try and "understand" it, you can always ask him directly, that is if your "J" needs that and you can accept whatever answer you get. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
It's in your words, you sound confused. I really don't know how to explain it.
I am. So.. very confused. 'Tis a godforsaken feeling.

I've been where you have been, so I understand the situation and or predicament.
What happened?

xSFPs and even xNFPs have a sort of "flirty/fawn-ish" nature to them that can kind of make the INTJ go "Uh, what just happened there?" It's possible that he likes you, it's also possible that it's just his nature to act that way and is not into you the way you may perceive. I really think you are just mind fucking yourself as there is nothing to understand here. Your "J" for lack of a better word, seems to be going wild here and is trying to "fit" him into something that is "unknown" to you. The INTJ says, "I have X and it needs to fit in Y, wtf is all this FTY shit?" The best thing to do in situations like these, is to let your brain go, don't think about it, don't over analyze it, but keep the line and or boundary that you already established (this is important). Just enjoy the attention and company for what it is and if you feel the need to cross that boundary, then you have reason to start mind fucking yourself and you can come back with questions. Oh and if you really truly want to try and "understand" it, you can always ask him directly, that is if your "J" needs that and you can accept whatever answer you get. ;)
"Mind fuck" is an excellent way to put it. People are good at doing that.. As for bringing it up with him, he's said that he likes and "fancies" me, so I sincerely hope I'm correct in taking that at face value and it isn't some roundabout Jedi mind shit, because that'd just be ridiculous to a new extreme. It pains me, unlike much else I've experienced in life, to admit that I could.. see myself being interested if I allowed it, and after I worked a bit more through my academic pursuits; hence wanting as much information as possible before even letting my mind go to that dark, scary place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,401 Posts
I am. So.. very confused. 'Tis a godforsaken feeling.
LOL, you said it wasn't limerance when I initially posted that it was, but uh I see the beginning stages of it, I know it all too well. You start denying what your Fi is feeling, then you go back and forth like a squirrel in the road. I sensed it in your OP, this is basically what I wanted to say about your words being confusing. Limerance = INTJ deer in headlights. You don't know what's up or what's down, you like the feeling, but it's unknown to you and it's devoid of any boundaries and logical understanding.


What happened?
I am not going to get into details, I'm somewhat of a private person when talking about certain information (at least on an open forum), but I will say what I have learned from these experiences or what I've come to find that works for me. Mind you, this works for me, I don't know how you operate, but from the looks of it, you seem to act the same way I do...

"Mind fuck" is an excellent way to put it. People are good at doing that.. As for bringing it up with him, he's said that he likes and "fancies" me, so I sincerely hope I'm correct in taking that at face value and it isn't some roundabout Jedi mind shit, because that'd just be ridiculous to a new extreme. It pains me, unlike much else I've experienced in life, to admit that I could.. see myself being interested if I allowed it, and after I worked a bit more through my academic pursuits; hence wanting as much information as possible before even letting my mind go to that dark, scary place.
Some of the things I've learned, is to establish your boundaries first and foremost and stick to them, do not waver, they will end up being a "life saver" in the "bigger picture" of things. Also, I've learned that practicing a healthy distance away from the person, gives enough "breathing" room and "space" to handle all the conflicting and confusing thoughts and or emotions. If you become too involved or attached it can become quite overwhelming and you end up being fed all this information that you don't know what to do with. In turn, you'll end up mind fucking yourself from "sensory overload," which is not good. Time is on your side, so take your time. There is no rush, go at the pace that you can handle and at which you are comfortable with. Whether or not this turns into a relationship, friendship or nothing at all, only time can tell, but if you keep what I've mentioned in mind, then perhaps it will help at least alleviate the "craziness" you're feeling, for lack of a better word. Hope that helps.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
869 Posts
It's in your words, you sound confused. I really don't know how to explain it. I've been where you have been, so I understand the situation and or predicament.

xSFPs and even xNFPs have a sort of "flirty/fawn-ish" nature to them that can kind of make the INTJ go "Uh, what just happened there?" It's possible that he likes you, it's also possible that it's just his nature to act that way and is not into you the way you may perceive.
I've also found myself in bizarre "falling in love" situations via a forum (not this one, I mostly post in the INFP and INTJ areas and flirting with INFPs is as wrong as flirting with a cousin and with INTJs simply impossible, theres something about them that inhibits my natural charm :tongue: ).

this one person used to talk about the "wonderful time we spent together" and how much he "loved me" and "us" I was horrified thinking wtf I was just being "friendly". I was absolutely unable to set clear boundaries or rejecting this person completely (Fi dom, don't ask, it's a pain in the ass) so a lot of what I said, taken face value could have easily had been taken as a confirmation from my part that there was something going on.

At first I thought you didn't enjoy what this person was doing..but you seem to ahem..kind of like it and online communication gives way to a lot of misinterpretations no wonder you are confused, I have no advice, just wanted to wish you good luck..it's a minefield!

sorry this is utterly pointless hahaha
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
LOL, you said it wasn't limerance when I initially posted that it was, but uh I see the beginning stages of it, I know it all too well. You start denying what your Fi is feeling, then you go back and forth like a squirrel in the road. I sensed it in your OP, this is basically what I wanted to say about your words being confusing. Limerance = INTJ deer in headlights. You don't know what's up or what's down, you like the feeling, but it's unknown to you and it's devoid of any boundaries and logical understanding.
Precisely. I'd like to slink into a nice cave somewhere and wait for him to go away, or perhaps lock him in one, dust my hands and be done with it.
...But then I'd feel guilty.
Which is another new thing altogether!

Some of the things I've learned, is to establish your boundaries first and foremost and stick to them, do not waver, they will end up being a "life saver" in the "bigger picture" of things. Also, I've learned that practicing a healthy distance away from the person, gives enough "breathing" room and "space" to handle all the conflicting and confusing thoughts and or emotions. If you become too involved or attached it can become quite overwhelming and you end up being fed all this information that you don't know what to do with. In turn, you'll end up mind fucking yourself from "sensory overload," which is not good. Time is on your side, so take your time. There is no rush, go at the pace that you can handle and at which you are comfortable with. Whether or not this turns into a relationship, friendship or nothing at all, only time can tell, but if you keep what I've mentioned in mind, then perhaps it will help at least alleviate the "craziness" you're feeling, for lack of a better word. Hope that helps.
It does. It really does. Thank you so much. I feel like I should bookmark this and come back to it whenever I get freaked out.

I've also found myself in bizarre "falling in love" situations via a forum (not this one, I mostly post in the INFP and INTJ areas and flirting with INFPs is as wrong as flirting with a cousin and with INTJs simply impossible, theres something about them that inhibits my natural charm :tongue: ).
"Love" is an incredibly strong word. *grin* Was he falling, or were you?
I'm glad you find that we oppress your charms; there's hope for the world yet. You seem like you're comfortable doing so with others; why do you find INFPs odd to flirt with? I'm new to the sub-culture that is Typology, through I've known about if for a few years.

this one person used to talk about the "wonderful time we spent together" and how much he "loved me" and "us" I was horrified thinking wtf I was just being "friendly". I was absolutely unable to set clear boundaries or rejecting this person completely (Fi dom, don't ask, it's a pain in the ass) so a lot of what I said, taken face value could have easily had been taken as a confirmation from my part that there was something going on.
That sounds really, really stressful.

At first I thought you didn't enjoy what this person was doing..but you seem to ahem..kind of like it and online communication gives way to a lot of misinterpretations no wonder you are confused, I have no advice, just wanted to wish you good luck..it's a minefield!
Thank you kindly. It's nice to know others have had similar experiences (and survived).

sorry this is utterly pointless hahaha
It's not pointless; I appreciate you sharing it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Flora

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,401 Posts
I've also found myself in bizarre "falling in love" situations via a forum (not this one, I mostly post in the INFP and INTJ areas and flirting with INFPs is as wrong as flirting with a cousin and with INTJs simply impossible, theres something about them that inhibits my natural charm :tongue: ).

this one person used to talk about the "wonderful time we spent together" and how much he "loved me" and "us" I was horrified thinking wtf I was just being "friendly". I was absolutely unable to set clear boundaries or rejecting this person completely (Fi dom, don't ask, it's a pain in the ass) so a lot of what I said, taken face value could have easily had been taken as a confirmation from my part that there was something going on.

At first I thought you didn't enjoy what this person was doing..but you seem to ahem..kind of like it and online communication gives way to a lot of misinterpretations no wonder you are confused, I have no advice, just wanted to wish you good luck..it's a minefield!

sorry this is utterly pointless hahaha
Ha, pretty much. I remember speaking to an INFJ for a good minute, man it was like I was speaking Russian and this INFJ was speaking Chinese, there was a charm there on both ends, but it's like we couldn't figure out the whole "walking together" part. I'm trying to turn right, the INFJ is turning left when I thought they said right and they thought I said left. Imagine the confusion. Then we'd talk and argue about it, trying to understand wtf happen and why both of us went the opposite direction, LOL. After everything basically blew over, and I got more into MBTI, specifically cognitive functions, I found the culprit, it was the whole Fe + Ti versus Te + Fi clash. Of course, there were other little issues too that had nothing to do with MBTI/cognitive functions, but yeah. I had a total a-ha moment when it was all said and done and am very thankful of that experience. The "NF charm" is something that utterly confused me at the time. Turned into a nightmare ultimately and in retrospect, it becomes an annoyance and funny all at once, but you live and learn.

Precisely. I'd like to slink into a nice cave somewhere and wait for him to go away, or perhaps lock him in one, dust my hands and be done with it.
...But then I'd feel guilty.
Which is another new thing altogether!
Ha, yeah, it's not easy once another "player" comes into your world, platonic and or otherwise.

It does. It really does. Thank you so much. I feel like I should bookmark this and come back to it whenever I get freaked out.
No problem. A friend who has a similar personality as myself, recommended some of this and I figured some of this stuff out too on my own, after analyzing the relationships I've had with people (platonic/romantic) in retrospect. Once I got my head out of my ass, I was able to see clearly and implement things that will work for me in future relationships. It's good to have a little "safety net" that will help during the whole chemical bullshit that goes on in your brain, otherwise you're doomed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
869 Posts
"Love" is an incredibly strong word. *grin* Was he falling, or were you?
It was him! I thought I was being "pally" and he thought we had an online relationship. SHITE! Talk about miscommunication. That's why i was agreeing with Antiant that INFPs (not sure if ISFPs are that bad) can come across as flirty and give really mixed signals.
I'm glad you find that we oppress your charms; there's hope for the world yet. You seem like you're comfortable doing so with others; why do you find INFPs odd to flirt with? I'm new to the sub-culture that is Typology, through I've known about if for a few years.
Not with everyone, I can't flirt like Extroverts do, regardless, I can only flirt with people that "bounce it back to me" (does that make sense?). When you flirt when an INTJ it's like this: Hey let's go skinny dipping!. Yay Let's!. The you run towards the water trying not to trip on your knickers and splash yourself in the waves and you think oh shit it's really cold, but it's ok because you are sharing a moment of deep emotional deepness and liberation with your INTJ...and you turn around to look at him in the eye and enjoy this moment..and..you look both sides and you still cant see him..turn around..you see this figure in the sand..warm and cosy in their clothes..fuuuuck..you walk back hiding your bits with your hand..you dont know what to say...he asks you..that was great eh? you say..err yeah...and promise you´ll never do it again..

INFPs are way too familiar in their character, it'd be like dating a member of your extended family. no way. They make lovely friends though (dont know any in rl, just thinking of a lovely INFP I know online).

That sounds really, really stressful.
cant tell you in public (secretive INFPs) but it got really really really really scary verging on stalking.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,401 Posts
Oohh shhhhhh it's ADORABLE and you know it
LOL, I can't argue there, but what a mind fuck for an INTJ it is, sometimes. You have no idea, Flora! Actually, yeah, I know you have an idea. ;)

Edit: See, @Flora your typical NF response to me, is what is charming or adorable. They seem to have a knack for that, which I find cute. I can't believe I'm saying this. *goes to hide in a cave with Bleak Ink* NO ME MOLESTES, POR FAVOR!
 
1 - 20 of 114 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top