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I'm a college freshman and though my mom was kind of crazy in the way she raised me (2 hours of piano practice everyday plus other activities on top of that. But she works, which means that I actually did no hours until the weekend, when she would be home), she never quit her job, never was able to cart me off to places, and as a result many of her wishes for me went unfulfilled. From the cradle to college, parenting has become a 24/7 job intimately tied with the parents' ego, as if they live vicariously through their children, which I find overwhelmingly creepy. "Yeah kids, I have a dog in this fight too. Because if you don't get into that kindergarten right there, I feel like a failure and my whole reproductive endeavor and my belief in the awesomeness of my genes will be destroyed. I'm a parent, don't you know, before I'm an individual with thoughts and feelings, dreams and aspirations. I'm a parent before I'm a son or daughter, a cousin, a friend and a lover. If you don't fall though, my whole identity is negated."

Not saying a new mother should go into the business without any knowledge of how to raise a baby, but the proliferation of both parenting books, and parenting advice given by laymen (sometimes causing flame wars on mommy forums ROFL) is a clear sign of the middle class's obsession with children. Oh my god. My kid cried for two minutes. He's going to grow up with ADHD and brain damage. I have to breastfeed until 6 months old or else my kid's going to be dumb! /quits job, waits on the child 24/7 and being eternally paranoid, guilty and stressed-out that the child isn't being raised right/

Kindergarten costs are hiked every year and in some cases cost as much as one year's tuition in college (around 20k), and kindergartens are rejecting kids, and one such kid's dad, the Duke admissions dean, says that because his daughter was rejected from elite kindergartens four years ago he empathizes with rejected college seniors. As the article below points out, it was not the daughter who felt rejected. It was the father. And not to mention mommy wars. "My child would never eat anything off the floor" LOL Really. “Mompetition”: Why You Just Can’t Make Mom*Friends | Healthland | TIME.com It's hilarious, heart-breaking and sort of pathetic.

All Duke's admissions dean needed to know about rejection, he learned in kindergarten - DailyFinance

Parents: 'Hyper-parenting' and why it could be endangering your child's health | Life and style | The Guardian

I think we all need to chillax. Fellow Gen Y'ers: Please don't become hyper-parents
 

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Haha this is all so true! I really have to worry about the generation we're gonna raise sometimes...
 

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Well, I was raised by a Tough Asian Mom who didn't discover parental competition until I was thirteen and skipped two grades. I like to think that her style (homeschooling, seven hours per day of AP Bio/Chem/Physics/Calculus, tennis lessons, ballet, piano, lots of yelling, and beatings when I talked back) was what drove me to run as fast and as far away as possible. :laughing:
 

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I didn't have a hyper-parent until they got my IQ test back--it wouldn't have been so bad had the results not been explained...but my mom basically told me, at the age of 13, that I was to graduate from some kind of prestigious university by 17 or 18, get rich as a genetic engineer or something, and pay for her multimillion dollar retirement.

You know how I coped with the pressure? My grades went from A's to F's in a matter of six weeks.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I didn't have a hyper-parent until they got my IQ test back--it wouldn't have been so bad had the results not been explained...but my mom basically told me, at the age of 13, that I was to graduate from some kind of prestigious university by 17 or 18, get rich as a genetic engineer or something, and pay for her multimillion dollar retirement.

You know how I coped with the pressure? My grades went from A's to F's in a matter of six weeks.
No offense to you or your mom. I'm creeped out.
 

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You know how I coped with the pressure? My grades went from A's to F's in a matter of six weeks.
This. My mother is the same way with the pressure, but when she started to back off and give me more space after I finished high school, I started doing marvelously at college. I've made a lot more A's than I ever have before, and I'm more confident and calm (although high-strung because I get enthusiastic about some classes, haha).

My teachers were worse though. Sometimes I wonder how some of them even got their teacher's license when they weren't even willing to work with me. At least my mother tried, despite her 'overbearing' flaw. But geez, some of my teachers avoided me like the plague.
 
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I'm trying not to be a hyper parent but it can be hard. The mommy wars are awful. Sooooo much pressure is put on us as the parent to make sure our kids are the absolute best at everything. My sons not even two years old and still I get caught up in this mess. But I agree we need to back off and let you do your thing.
 

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anyone's parents come from mexico (median age of a latino is 27)? cause we didnt get hyper parenting... our parents sometimes worked 2-3 jobs each, so we would come home to no one, cook our own dinner, wash our own clothes, check our younger siblings homework and stuff like that. it had its good (we all went to college, first in our family history) and bad (sometimes too self reliant and proud to ask for help) parts.
it made me work hard in my 20's so i never have to work again and can be a "stay at home dad" and focus on my kids instead off breaking my back for ungrateful, racist people like me parents had to.
 

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I believe "hyper-parenting" is counterproductive. This may cause a culture shock for your kid when he finds himself having to do things without the guidance of mom/dad. At least that was the case for me, and I believe it to be the cause of my panic attacks in my first year of college. I just found it hard to blend in with my surroundings (I was raised by an isfp mom and infp dad. I’m not saying though that all ixfps are overprotective with raising their kids).

This world is too competitive, in my opinion (careerwise). I think the best thing to do is teach your kid how to get along with a diverse group of people and to build the skills they are naturally good in.
 

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My parents aren't really "hyper parents" like described above, however they are needlessly strict with me. I am 20 years old, yet am told to be home by midnight and am generally treated like a 13 year old and I am totally unsure why (awesome grades throughout school and still in college, and I have never caused trouble...)

Anyways I think this hyper parenting might be fallout from when it was popular to have "Brady Bunch" families with 5-8 kids or more. These people grew up to be our parents and they wanted to do everything they thought their parents didn't. The baby boomer generation/early generation Y did not get very much one-on-one special attention from parents due to there just being too many kids for two adults to care for on that level. So it may just be an overcompensation on their part? Anyways, I would like to think that we (generally speaking) will back off from this type of parenting and let kids be kids. Parents are very important GUIDES to a child's life, however I don't think parents should be a child's DIRECTOR and making them do/go places that they otherwise wouldn't naturally.
 

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I remember these types of parents from when I was growing up in the 80s. I'm not sure it's really anything new. Although the divorce correlation may have something to do with a potential increase.

Keirsey had a section on parenting in his book which was very interesting. He said that NF's tried to bring harmony to their child's life, SJs tried to make them socialites, SPs wanted to liberate them and NTs tried to make distinct individuals out of them.

As a NT this really nails my parenting down. I feel very strongly about my daughters being all they can be as individuals and have completely different expectations for them (One is a ENTJ the other an ESTP). I'm not sure if this is forcing my views on others but a lot of these bad parenting techniques come from people who want to do something themselves, not see the best for their kids.
 

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My parents constantly hounded me to get good grades and make them look good. When I was a kid, they sent me to a horrible church program and forced me to memorize a bunch of Bible verses and deal with bullying leadership just so the other parents wouldn't look down on them.

I'm more afraid I won't parent my kids enough. I'll remember what all the hyper parenting felt like and I'll give them way too much freedom.
 

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I didn't have a hyper-parent until they got my IQ test back--it wouldn't have been so bad had the results not been explained...but my mom basically told me, at the age of 13, that I was to graduate from some kind of prestigious university by 17 or 18, get rich as a genetic engineer or something, and pay for her multimillion dollar retirement. You know how I coped with the pressure? My grades went from A's to F's in a matter of six weeks.
This. My mother is the same way with the pressure, but when she started to back off and give me more space after I finished high school, I started doing marvelously at college. I've made a lot more A's than I ever have before, and I'm more confident and calm (although high-strung because I get enthusiastic about some classes, haha).
...............

Oh my god. I have never ever heard of this from anyone else. Whenever I tried to talk to my parents or friends or anyone, the only argument I got in response was "at least they care about you" - I would have willingly traded situations back then. My parents still hardly pay attention to the things that matter to me, only the things that matter to them.

Thanks for sharing :)
 

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I remember these types of parents from when I was growing up in the 80s. I'm not sure it's really anything new. Although the divorce correlation may have something to do with a potential increase.

Keirsey had a section on parenting in his book which was very interesting. He said that NF's tried to bring harmony to their child's life, SJs tried to make them socialites, SPs wanted to liberate them and NTs tried to make distinct individuals out of them.
This is interesting, my Mom is an SJ and my dad an SP and I feel those really describe how they tried to raise me. The main conflict I had with my mom growing up was I felt she was trying to force me into activities or change me into something I wasn't so that I would 'fit in' and that she'd look good. Although I wouldn't say either of my parents were 'hyper parents', especially my dad. He knew the right balance between giving space and being their when it was needed.
 

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How about an ENTP growing up the firstborn to an ENTJ dad with anger management issues and an INFJ mom with anxiety problems? First of all, both of my parents are goddamned insane. My dad essentially goes blind with rage and my mom worries constantly to the point that she can't/won't sleep if I'm not at home and has given herself stress ulcers. They definitely live vicariously through me (especially my dad, and he loses his mind when i bring it up and tell him to let me live my own life). My dad tries to take the place of my ego and my mom tries to shove touchy-feely religiousy stuff down my throat.

My kids are gonna enjoy being their own person.
 

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Thankfully my mommy doesn't pressure me to do things other than what I love and what I'm good at. I'm very thankful that my mother understands my passion in art and music and supports my choice to go into it professionally.

She learned not to pressure me to get good grades or excel over others when in sixth grade, I had a full-blown mental breakdown.

I'm a self-motivated person. If I want to do something, I'll do it.

I get very sad when I see (mostly Asian or Indian kids,) being pushed way beyond their boiling point to achieve things for their parents' satisfaction. It's upsetting for me to watch people's lives revolve around how they do in school, their GPA, how much better they are than such-and-such. I feel like there's so much more to life than competition, my INTJ mom taught me that.
 

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I'm trying not to be a hyper parent but it can be hard. The mommy wars are awful. Sooooo much pressure is put on us as the parent to make sure our kids are the absolute best at everything. My sons not even two years old and still I get caught up in this mess. But I agree we need to back off and let you do your thing.
For research on other extremely able children, read the Game of Thrones series.
 

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I'm lucky I didn't have a helicopter mom. I heard about Tiger Moms, and while they can produce braniacs and prodigies, they're also unaware of the psychological/emotional turmoil.

Hyperparenting reminds me of super-crazed child pageant parents. I'm sure they want the best for their kids. They just don't realize their overbearing and slight obnoxious overinvolvement evades a child's sense of self/confidence when the child learns their worth is through competition/or learned helplessness. I feel just as bad for kids who have parents who neglect their kids. It's as bad as saying "I didn't believe in myself enough to be there for you" and "I only wish you lived the life I never lived."

Serious boundary issues.
 

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My mom is a hyper-parenter. Apparently she wished her parents back when she was my age had hyper-parented her. So this up and down cycle continues I guess.
 
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