The Final Straw

ooh, interesting thread.

Romantically: cheating on me with someone else. If I really really like the person and believe that it was an honest drunken mistake or something on their part, I may let a hook up slide. But definitely nothing more.

Friends: if you screw me over and have no regrets. I had a best friend that effectively did the worst kind of thing to me (see cheating above) with my romantic interest at the time, then lied about how far it went resulting in me taking her back not knowing better
I let him get away with it because I was determined not to lose anyone else over that stupid bitch.

I had a friend of about 30 years and I had a falling out but I made the initial reconnection so we were friends again. Later, when discussing the falling out, she told me that she wouldn't have ever called me if I hadn't called her. I considered her like family so I was VERY hurt. I've decided that someone that values my friendship no more than that I don't need as a friend. Not to say I'll never speak to her again, but I don't consider her a close friend anymore nor do I consider her like family.

For me, all categories are generally the same in terms of what could be a write off.

Mainly, it's all about loyalty to me. I don't always agree, but I can back you up when you need it. I generally hope for the same in return. This also deviates into cheating / talking behind someones back, etc.

I'm pretty simple though and when you're far from perfect yourself, you certainly can't expect others to be.

edit: Ditto to what Sen mentioned as well, and similar.

borntorave said:

I would have a problem with just throwing people out of my life. The only valid reason would be if they murdered someone or cheated on me repeatedly (romantically or just screwed me over) and even then it would hurt like a mother.

Click to expand...

Would you turn in your "soulmate" to the cops if he murdered someone?

What seems to be the thing I ultimately cannot stand is betrayal. Sometimes I can let it go, and tell myself that the trespass is unintentional, but if I can no longer believe that, if I think that someone is intentionally manipulating/betraying me in some way, it's done. Every relationship is built on trust in one way or another - if I can no longer trust someone, keeping some kind of relationship with them just seems stupid.

To me, "cheating" is only "cheating", by the way, if it involves lying and sneaking about to do, if it involves betraying the other person's trust, and any kind of betrayal of my trust, I react to it as though the other person has "cheated on me", regardless of the nature of my relationship (platonic or romantic) with that person.

hmm, well lets see....last summer i walked in on my gf having sex w/ some random person, this was almost a 2year relationship btw. awesome day.

another time a good friend of mine was dating a guy i worked with (actually we all worked at the same place together) and a few months later when she left for college and he went w/ her, they broke up and he came back. turns out he was hitting her...needless to say it wasnt just about not wanting to be friends but later on this led to a huge fight that ended in a hospital.

i mean im a pretty easy going person, im patient and understanding. but there are basic things that i dont like and will pretty much be the end of any relationship: disloyalty, dishonesty, self centeredness, etc

i see it as: if i dont like it and i dont wanna be a part of it or be affected by it, then i wont be a part of it. i dont have to talk to someone that i dont like.

People who remorsely break important promises to me get cut off. People who attack my personality in a seemingly malicious way get cut off. (Maybe not that day but soon.) And I avoid situations where I might encounter them. I regret that it costs me socially and sometimes I miss the good times I had with them (I can be sentimental), but I don't regret cutting them out of my life. Only if they were truly remorseful and changed for the better would I consider communicating with them again - and that never happens.

If that person had brainwashed me to the point that I felt as though I could associate nothing but insecurities with that person, then *out* he/she will go.

Seriously though..I'm weird..I can tolerate a lot of things. You can cheat on me, even lie to me (not always though), talk bad about me but I'd still like you if you have redeeming qualities and some sincerity in you. But if you brainwash me or manipulate my mind to the point that I have to secretly reassess my issues that relate to depression, I can't take it anymore. I used to let ex friends and a certain ex brainwash me until I had little confidence to think on my own.

Manipulation, betrayal, lying, cheating, controlling. Especially trying to make oneself feel better by making me feel bad.

Those are the things that I hate most and which have been the causes to my break-ups with friends or significant others.

When I was younger I tolerated tons of shit that people poured on me because I thought that they are only humans and they should be forgiven. I never caused anything bad to anyone intentionally so I thought neither would anyone else. Then I grew up and learned that people are rather selfish and they try to hurt each other on purpose. I also learned that all the people aren't like that. I just have to find the ones who are "morally" on the same level with me. Because people who match my ideal of a good friend really do exist I can let the bad ones go and keep the ones I love and who love me back sincerely. Nowadays I'm a bit too impatient with people who hurt my feelings. I give second chances but if they blow it I'll just let them go.