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So I assume many people have heard the five languages of love, if you don't know about it, you may google it first. It's the five ways that couples can express love for each other. It doesn't mean every one has to do ALL of them to "prove" that you love your partner. Actually, if you really have love for your partner, I believe him/her will truly feel it in some way. But everyone has a different "need" for love. For example, if a person was poor in his childhood, he may feel that he is receiving more "love" from his partner giving him gifts. If a person did not get affirmation from people, he may feel more "love" when his partner tell him "you look beautiful", "your cookings always made my day" etc.

So what is your preferred love language? Does your partner knows your love language?

Please share your experience. I would like to know the stories about your love language.

The five languages are - gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

For me, I have a strong desire for "words of affirmation". My parents seldom give me affirmation at all even I'm doing a good job when I was 12-18. So if my partner tells me my artwork is good, my passions are special, sth like that I will be happy. But I crave more for that, I go into details and ask them how good are my artworks are. (Sometimes I think I'm fishing complements from people that I just know for a few minutes. Imo it's not so healthy..)

I'm from middle class family so I have no problem getting what I want basically. So I don't think gifts make me feel loved too much.
 

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Why "don't give a fuck about"? Would you explain a little bit about it?
Words of affirmation - words mean nothing to me. I'm disinclined to believe what people say, instead I trust what they do. Words are easy, but actions prove the real character of people.

Gifts - don't buy me. I'm unimpressed with trinkets. Anyone can acquire those. A useless sentiment that merely shows me you know how to shop.

Physical touch - not into PDA's or hugs. Most of the time it just makes me uncomfortable.
 

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Physical touch for me, and quality time. You can give me affirmation and gifts all day, it will not be anywhere close to what I feel when I share a hug.
 

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I agree with @InSolitude with one key difference.

I prefer acts of service and physical touch.

If you do those two right you get quality time by definition with either one. Most people will also throw in words of affirmation although I agree that to me, talk all you want, if you do not DO your talk means nothing.

So the ladies that like words of affirmation tend to me to be those that also give them. I've noticed that we give what we want to get, in general. So I do not often give words of affirmation although I am older so I have learned to do it now. And you know what? Women used to get very mad at me for no words of affirmation. The lunkheads (and by that term I mean those women) would IGNORE the vast mountain of actual actions I did for them to express my love and harp instead on the lack of words. To me, that is insane. I have to compensate for their insanity nowadays and it really is tedious. But no worry, I can do that to, if its so damned important and you have no ability to look at real actions.

Also, I find the lack of listing of physical touch to be alarming and disingenuous. We are not asexual creatures. I think again you will see a ton of women that do NOT list this - physical touch. To me it smacks of brokenness. A healthy physical appetite is important. I think it SHOULD be a language of love for everyone.

So as usual, as an ENTP, my way is right and everyone else is WRONG. <---- Warning ... humor!

Acts of service are the only REAL loving behavior. Physical touch is empirical and grounding as the most critical physical act of service (for the relationship). Those both contain quality time. That's 3/5 right there!

The other needs are light and less well indicated. They are requirements borne more of superficial reasoning.

Gifts and words are clumsy, easily done and thus easily faked, image crafting rather than sincere in many cases, and in fact traps we should teach our young to avoid.

Nyah!
 
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For me it's more about the frequency of the love language than the type because I can think of instances of each love language that have made a profound effect on me. Views on each of the love languages:

Gifts - Usually brings short-term happiness. Sometimes a gift comes along that you can tell someone spent a lot of time and thought on, and it has a lasting effect on you. Personalized homemade gifts are very meaningful and touching. Gifts are very symbolic and can serve as a good memory of the other person.

Quality time - Hard to fake affection with this one. Usually shows a strong commitment to the relationship as a person's time is very personal to them whereas a gift is something they can drop off and not think about again. The more investment in quality time, the deeper a person's commitment to a long-term relationship and compatibility, unlike gifts in which giving a lot of them could indicate wanting to make the relationship last based on financial benefits. Also, spending time together creates mutual memories which makes them have more in common.

Words of affirmation - Brings short-term happiness in earnest. Spoken words of affection is often harder to do than other love languages because it is so direct requiring direct contact and a more specific formulation of your love ideas. Thus, words of affirmation are often taken quite seriously compared to the average love language. Words can be spoken off the cuff which may make them more short-term, but earnest words are very potent which is why a lot of people shrug off the comments with a small "thank you" or smile to deflect the attention away from their touched vulnerability. Words of affirmation are sometimes difficult to remember because they rely on memory rather than a physical object, but when recalled in detail evoke strong emotion.

Acts of service - Like quality time, acts of service show commitment to the relationship because the person must sacrifice their own time and effort for the act. Acts of service are the humbler of the love languages and aims to prove affection unlike its quality time counterpart which aims to support. Acts of service are quietly done but require a lot of effort revealing the giver's selflessness. The selfless act reinforces that the act was a long-term show of affection and is usually perceived as a sign of commitment.

Physical touch - Physical touch is tricky because it is mixed in with other intentions that are non-affectionate and even threatening. Yet physical touch done right is similar to words of affirmation in that it is very direct and strong. Physical touch involves risk. You are taking the chance to break into the other person's personal bubble in hopes that they welcome it and not feel threatened and withdraw. The response to physical touch is extreme and accelerating. Either welcoming or not. It is also the entry point of friend into romantic relationship. Platonically, physical touch works in the same way. It is a strong sign of affection and support. Although it is usually short-term, physical touch shows that you have the bravery and courageousness to show your affection.
 

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Not that it matters as I'm bi-sexual with a male preference
an androgynous with a female preference but anyways my accessor
for the 5 languages of love is
physical touch , recieving gifts , quality time , acts of service , words of affirmation .

 

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I prefer people to show me their love rather than hearing "I love you" from them. Words mean nothing. I'm more into quality time and acts of service.
Physical touch... I'm somewhat scared of it, so no.
 

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words of affirmation ... definitely. I'm very much quite a *literal* and serious person, so every other gesture leaves room for more than one interpretation. Oddly enough, though, words are something that I can understand and truly take to my heart. I prefer them over anything tangible or other outward displays of affection. touch, gifts, acts of service... I mean those are really variable... and sometimes I can misconstrue the connotation of how they come across.

Words are something I don't really have to respond to, but can feel and understand within me. Reacting to gifts, touch, acts of service is too much for me sometimes. My genuine appreciation for all of that can't be shown most times. sometimes I am a bit unreachable, and my partner does know this and facilitates my needs. He is definitely able to give me the affirmation and consolation I need most times, and while he's quite the opposite and prefers probably all the other "language of love," I can also work with his needs and give to him in the ways that feel special to him. Giving is different than receiving, of course.
 
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Quality time > Physical touch > Words of Affirmation > Acts of Service > Gifts
 

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Theoretically it'd be quality time and physical touch.

The rest don't really matter.
 

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In this order:
Words > Time > Touch

The others are irrelevant.
 
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Questions regarding love languages:

* Is there any version of the love language concept that distinguishes visual, auditory, and sensory inputs? Some people are clearly stimulated by visual, others by auditory, and others by touch. Those can interplay, but it is not uncommon for many men to be highly visual and many women to enjoy visual stimulation much less than either auditory or sensual, in differing combinations. For me simply saying that someone's love language is "physical touch" really fails to uncover important differences between individuals based on the visual/auditory/sensual axis.

* Has anyone done any work to see if there are associations between MBTI type and love language? There was an interesting discussion in the ENFP group recently, and it was interesting to me that all the ENFPs who contributed reported that physical touch and quality time were their preferred love language. That's not a statistically valid group, but it did get me to wondering about this issue.

* In general, I have noticed that people who value physical touch also value quality time. That makes me think that these are not actually five unrelated love languages, and that they might naturally occur together in various combinations, with physical touch/quality time being one such pairing.
 
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I don't like the whole "5 love languages" thing, I think it's extremely limiting and unrealistic. That being said I've seen it have a positive influence on some people's lives so I tolerate it, but I personally don't buy into it.
 
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