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uh oh my mom's totally a service type love but i'm soooo lazy and so is the rest of our family, she always feels very unloved. I do try to do dishes and clean here and there throughout the week, but i'm just so lazy xD
what do you do with a service love person if you're lazy? suck it up and do it anyways? lol
Same exact situation! In fact I scored Acts of Service as my primary language and I think its because my mom has forced it on me. Its very contradicting to my actual nature. Words of affirmation, my second love language seems more accurate. But my mom has done a painfully good job of teaching me the importance of acts of service.


8Words of Affirmation
7Quality Time
3Receiving Gifts
9Acts of Service
3Physical Touch
 

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8Words of Affirmation
7Quality Time
3Receiving Gifts
8Acts of Service
4Physical Touch

I don't know if I'm really that into "acts of service" (but maybe I am?)... i think the other top 2 are pretty accurate though :)
 

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I am currently researching if the love languages can be predicted based on your MBTI profile. For instance, ENFP's I am willing to bet are almost always Quality time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch. ISFJ's gift giving, acts of service, physical touch, and on down the line.

So it would really helpful if when people answer with their own, if they could post their personality profile (if you are sure of what it is).

My assesment so far is that MBTI can predict the love language matrix, and in fact dictates the love languages in a person.
 

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Not a surprise, actually! Is this result a typica one for an ENFP??

10Words of Affirmation
10Quality Time
2Receiving Gifts
1Acts of Service
7Physical Touch
 

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9Words of Affirmation
6Quality Time
4Receiving Gifts
5Acts of Service
6Physical Touch
 

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I'm still not sure. I would say Quality Time and Physical Touch..maybe Words of Affirmation but that wouldn't be necessary I suppose with the Quality Time.
 

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I definitely use QT, words of affirmation and service to show my love. Since I couldn't give a fuck about 95% of the people in my life, if I actually try to spend any time with you, say nice things out of the blue, or go out of my way to do even menial things to help you out, you can be rest assured I am romantically invested in you.
 

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Words of Affirmation 10!! Why do I date INTJs then?
Quality Time: 9
Physical Touch: 7
 
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Words of Affirmation 10!! Why do I date INTJs then?
lol, misread this as "hate" instead of "date," makes sense now :) To an INTJ, saying "you look nice" is about the equivalent of saying "where have you been all my life?" :tongue:
 
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lol, misread this as "hate" instead of "date," makes sense now :) To an INTJ, saying "you look nice" is about the equivalent of saying "where have you been all my life?" :tongue:
If that's the case then I've had a few profess their undying love to me. In the past year, my ex-INTJ told me I was beautiful at least once or twice. The other 99% of stuff that came out of his mouth was sharp, abrasive, and devaluing. I'd like to think that even an INTJ can be warm and verbally accomodating but I also want to live in a magical castle with unicorns and be a parachuting ninja.
 

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If that's the case then I've had a few profess their undying love to me. In the past year, my ex-INTJ told me I was beautiful at least once or twice. The other 99% of stuff that came out of his mouth was sharp, abrasive, and devaluing. I'd like to think that even an INTJ can be warm and verbally accomodating but I also want to live in a magical castle with unicorns and be a parachuting ninja.
lol. I think the hardest thing is the whole "small talk" aversion; we just don't see any intrinsic value in saying the "little, nice things" therefore we subjectively believe they are not valuable or worthwhile, even if we think what could be said. Now, saying "I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever known" is not without my realms, just don't expect me to say stuff like "you look great in that new shirt :tongue:

It does get very frustrating when I can't seem to articulate myself without mildly hurting someone's feelings, even if it is a simple matter of information. For example telling somebody they made an error can and has resulted in a shit storm, even if I try to walk on eggshells (probably come off as patronizing then :\). The only time I can be warm and verbally accommodating is when I'm head over heels in love, and even then I usually question myself based on the awkwardness that normally comes from articulating such things.
 

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lol. I think the hardest thing is the whole "small talk" aversion; we just don't see any intrinsic value in saying the "little, nice things" therefore we subjectively believe they are not valuable or worthwhile, even if we think what could be said. Now, saying "I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever known" is not without my realms, just don't expect me to say stuff like "you look great in that new shirt :tongue:

It does get very frustrating when I can't seem to articulate myself without mildly hurting someone's feelings, even if it is a simple matter of information. For example telling somebody they made an error can and has resulted in a shit storm, even if I try to walk on eggshells (probably come off as patronizing then :\). The only time I can be warm and verbally accommodating is when I'm head over heels in love, and even then I usually question myself based on the awkwardness that normally comes from articulating such things.
You know that cliche, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I could probably find a way to tell someone to their face that they're a shit sucking ass hat with such finesse that they leave glowing with higher self esteem than before they talked to me. It's a gift. I have to remind myself that INTJs neither know nor care about finding better ways to say something that needs to be said. I empathize with the INTJ who can't express himself unfiltered without worrying about the backlash but on the same token, I feel that it is his responsibility as an adult and as a partner to learn a few tricks of the trade.
 

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I have to remind myself that INTJs neither know nor care about finding better ways to say something that needs to be said. I empathize with the INTJ who can't express himself unfiltered without worrying about the backlash but on the same token, I feel that it is his responsibility as an adult and as a partner to learn a few tricks of the trade.



:tongue: These tricks, I want to learn me them :mad:
 

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LOL, Indeed. Well, maybe I should begin a coaching business for INTJs titled "How to not talk like a dickhead to your loved ones." I'll write a book on it.
 
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LOL, Indeed. Well, maybe I should begin a coaching business for INTJs titled "How to not talk like a dickhead to your loved ones." I'll write a book on it.
I would edit said book for free, just out of sheer thirst for this sacred knowledge :kitteh: For now I have decided that the patronizing route for friends/family is the best policy, because they've either been conditioned to it or don't pick up on my terseness as being patronizing, like many acquaintances will.
 

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I would edit said book for free, just out of sheer thirst for this sacred knowledge :kitteh: For now I have decided that the patronizing route for friends/family is the best policy, because they've either been conditioned to it or don't pick up on my terseness as being patronizing, like many acquaintances will.
Patronizing really isn't any better and is devaluing in it's own special way. It's really quite simple. All you have to do is pick your battles and validate the person's feelings. For example, a girl you're dating will say "It really pisses me off that Snooki can afford Fendi bags and I can't." or "I saw like a hundred cops on the road on my way to work." Your INTJ might say to you either A: "I really don't care for such trivial matters" and end up just ignoring what she said or B: "That's inaccurate. There is no feasible way you saw 100 police units on a 15 minute route." and then you end up invalidating how she feels or what she observed by reacting accordingly. It's really not worth the hassle to ignore her or correct her every fallacy. Parrot something back to her that is validating like "It must be frustrating that Snooki gets Fendi bags and you don't." or "Yeah, I bet there was a lot of cops." You can take it one step further and actually add a personal validating opinion like "Isn't it stupid how someone like Snooki could gain fame and fortune for being a vapid, attention-seeking ho?" or "Indeed. You can't fart in this city without some uniformed jackhole writing up a citation, anymore."

Comprende?
 

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Patronizing really isn't any better and is devaluing in it's own special way. It's really quite simple. All you have to do is pick your battles and validate the person's feelings. For example, a girl you're dating will say "It really pisses me off that Snooki can afford Fendi bags and I can't." or "I saw like a hundred cops on the road on my way to work." Your INTJ might say to you either A: "I really don't care for such trivial matters" and end up just ignoring what she said or B: "That's inaccurate. There is no feasible way you saw 100 police units on a 15 minute route." and then you end up invalidating how she feels or what she observed by reacting accordingly. It's really not worth the hassle to ignore her or correct her every fallacy. Parrot something back to her that is validating like "It must be frustrating that Snooki gets Fendi bags and you don't." or "Yeah, I bet there was a lot of cops." You can take it one step further and actually add a personal validating opinion like "Isn't it stupid how someone like Snooki could gain fame and fortune for being a vapid, attention-seeking ho?" or "Indeed. You can't fart in this city without some uniformed jackhole writing up a citation, anymore."

Comprende?
Si. My tendency is to do the Dwight Schrute "false" thing like the police car example, either that or go Dr. House on people like when my uncle was happy to receive W's autobiography two Christmases ago and I asked him if it was written by Dick Cheney :tongue: I am definitely starting to warm up to the value of compassion especially in normal situations, thanks in no small part to the seed that @Marlowe planted mentioning it in one of the MBTI videos earlier this year. FWIW when I'm in love I am extra careful and usually talk like how I would perceive any smitten guy to talk to his sweetheart. Like I alluded to earlier, though, in that case it is usually the lack of quantity and my overestimation of the quality that can cause confusion, though :sad:
 
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Quality Time 11, followed by Physical Touch 8.

I do like spending time with people that I care about and to whom I am close.
 

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Acts of service by a large margin. Am I the only one?!

LOL, Indeed. Well, maybe I should begin a coaching business for INTJs titled "How to not talk like a dickhead to your loved ones." I'll write a book on it.
I would definitly buy, lol
 
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