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Definitely a quality time person, The secondaries would be the words of Affirmation and Physical Touch categories.
 
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I'm dating an INFJ male long distance. Normally when we are together is physical and quality time, now it's affirmation and gift giving (which he excels at in a mind blowing way.) I guess we have to adapt modes under different circumstances yet it makes it really difficult to pin point what may be preferred. Anyone else dating long distance notice the switch?
 

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I'm dating an INFJ male long distance. Normally when we are together is physical and quality time, now it's affirmation and gift giving (which he excels at in a mind blowing way.) I guess we have to adapt modes under different circumstances yet it makes it really difficult to pin point what may be preferred. Anyone else dating long distance notice the switch?
These are the actual quiz results, guess my first assessment through just reading it was pretty close.
8Words of Affirmation
9Quality Time
3Receiving Gifts
1Acts of Service
9Physical Touch
 

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lol. I think the hardest thing is the whole "small talk" aversion; we just don't see any intrinsic value in saying the "little, nice things" therefore we subjectively believe they are not valuable or worthwhile, even if we think what could be said. Now, saying "I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever known" is not without my realms, just don't expect me to say stuff like "you look great in that new shirt :tongue:

It does get very frustrating when I can't seem to articulate myself without mildly hurting someone's feelings, even if it is a simple matter of information. For example telling somebody they made an error can and has resulted in a shit storm, even if I try to walk on eggshells (probably come off as patronizing then :\). The only time I can be warm and verbally accommodating is when I'm head over heels in love, and even then I usually question myself based on the awkwardness that normally comes from articulating such things.
I just have a hard time saying anything that isn't entirely accurate. Like "you're the best thing that has ever happened to me" I actually have to stop and think about it first and evaluate its truthfulness. BUT! If I do make a compliment like such, I 100% mean it with all my heart and mind. Does that make it worth more?
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #65
I'm dating an INFJ male long distance. Normally when we are together is physical and quality time, now it's affirmation and gift giving (which he excels at in a mind blowing way.) I guess we have to adapt modes under different circumstances yet it makes it really difficult to pin point what may be preferred. Anyone else dating long distance notice the switch?
Yes, that can be true. Although there are ways to convey physical touch and quality time even from a distance. Saying things like, "*hugs you*" or "If I was there, I'd give you the biggest hug." and spending time together on Skype can work for PT and QT lovers.


My long-distance BF and I use primarily Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and "Physical Touch", with some gifts. I think that as long as both of you feel loved, what you do is less important. :happy:
 

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I just have a hard time saying anything that isn't entirely accurate. Like "you're the best thing that has ever happened to me" I actually have to stop and think about it first and evaluate its truthfulness. BUT! If I do make a compliment like such, I 100% mean it with all my heart and mind. Does that make it worth more?
Well it makes it as valuable as possible IMHO. I would think there is nothing better than having someone say those things truthfully.
 
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Yes, that can be true. Although there are ways to convey physical touch and quality time even from a distance. Saying things like, "*hugs you*" or "If I was there, I'd give you the biggest hug." and spending time together on Skype can work for PT and QT lovers.


My long-distance BF and I use primarily Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and "Physical Touch", with some gifts. I think that as long as both of you feel loved, what you do is less important. :happy:
I guess we do in fact do that verbally, I just didn't take it into account. Non-physical physical substitution, that's a really interesting idea.
I feel very loved, my concern is that I can't easily read if he does. He says he does, but is he saying that to please me or because he honestly feels that way?
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
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Discussion Starter #68
The Five Love Languages in LDRs

I found some info from the Love Languages site about LDRs:

15. How do I speak my spouse’s love language if he/she is away from me for a time (i.e. deployment, work, school).

I am frequently asked how to apply the 5 love languages in long-distance relationships. Physical touch and quality time are particularly challenging in these instances. The simple answer is this: you must be creative and committed to staying connected despite the distance.

If your love language is physical touch, then here are a few creative ideas for speaking one another’s love language. First, having photographs of yourself as a couple may remind you of enjoyable times together. Having physical items that belong to one another may also remind you of one another. Perhaps a shirt or the cologne or perfume of your significant other may remind you of that person and of enjoyable times together. You also should email, text, write, etc., about how you enjoy being with one another. You might even try keeping a calendar on which you physically mark off the days until you’re able to be with one another again. This is not a comprehensive list of ideas, but all of these are physical activities and items that will at least in part help satisfy your physical love language.

As for quality time, the time you spend staying in contact, working to encourage one another, sending one another notes and gifts, etc… is quality time. Of course, it’s not the preferred form of quality time, but it is quality time nonetheless. You must learn to view it and appreciate it as such.

More specific ways you can express the language of quality time are to talk often about how you desire to stay close and keep your love alive. Read or re-read The 5 Love Languages together while you’re apart, or listen to Dr. Chapman’s podcasts, and discuss these together as a way of nurturing your relationship. This, too, requires commitment, but if you truly love one another, then you’ll find the energy and time to stay connected.

Use your situation as an opportunity to practice the other languages as well. Notes and gifts need to be viewed as more than “just” notes and gifts. They need to be viewed as physical effort and words of affirmation meant to express love.

In closing, yes, distance is difficult on a relationship, but it does not have to be the end of the relationship. Obviously, the more time you can spend together, the better. And, you should strive for this. However, if you are a committed couple and are willing to be creative in how you speak one another’s love language, then your relationship can survive and even thrive during your time apart.
Q&A: How do I speak their love language long distance?

Question: How can you deal with a long distance relationship when your mate’s love language is Physical Touch? I am desperate and don’t want this to end because of the distance.

Answer: I am often asked this question when I speak to military couples. The good news is that all of the love languages can be spoken long distance. I know you may be thinking, “How can I speak the language of ‘physical touch’ when we are half a world away?” It’s not that difficult.

In a letter, phone call, or e-mail you say, “If I were with you, I would put my arms around you and give you a kiss you would never forget.”

No, it is not the same as actually doing it. However, it communicates love emotionally. They know that you are thinking about them and their love language. One wife said recently, “Learning to speak my husband’s love language long distance has made a world of difference. And, he is speaking my language. He writes, “If I were at home, I’d vacuum the floor and take out the trash without your asking. Wow! That speaks to me.” So my advice? Try it. I think you’ll like it.
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
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Discussion Starter #69
I guess we do in fact do that verbally, I just didn't take it into account. Non-physical physical substitution, that's a really interesting idea.
I feel very loved, my concern is that I can't easily read if he does. He says he does, but is he saying that to please me or because he honestly feels that way?
Well, if you know his love language, just keep giving it to him as much as you can. People can feel extremely loved one day and lonely the next. But in that moment, you can only trust that he was being honest.
 

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I think I speak in acts of service and physical touch, but understand physical touch and words of affirmation. My girlfriend definitely speaks in gifts but I always feel bad when she spends money on me :(
 

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Thanks for the post! I am quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation.
 

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Will do more reading on this shortly. Took the assessment though, acts of service and quality time beat out the rest by good margin.

Makes perfect sense. Could go several days without an "I love you" and not feel concern, yet if I were to leave my SO in the room to go do something then came back and my shirts were hung up or my bed was made or something, I'd swoon like an idiot. That sort of stuff kills me. Actually, the thought of it alone gives me a slight sensation in my stomach, that's how sweet I think that stuff is.

My ex was definitely in the camp of the other 3 languages opposite mine, which at times was a challenge cause she'd die for lots of kisses on the forehead during anything and "I love you"s every five seconds... which unfortunately I've never been particularly good at doleing out.

Anyway... rambling. Thanks for the article post. :)
 

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Would you say that any of the love languages corresponds to a particular type?
 

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Would you say that any of the love languages corresponds to a particular type?
Someone has made a thread on the MBTI subforum to see if they can find a correlation.

I'm no expert but if I had to guess, some types are more likely to enjoy certain things, but I honestly doubt that type has much to do with it. You could predict though that certain types might like words of affirmation better than others (i.e. ESFJs seem to love words of affirmation while ISTJs place little value in it - based only on my limited observation of about 4 ESFJs and 3 ISTJs)
 

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My scores:

9 Physical Touch
6 Acts of Service
6 Words of Affirmation
5 Quality Time
4 Receiving Gifts


Umm...yes? :confused:
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #76
Would you say that any of the love languages corresponds to a particular type?
As @datMBTIguy alluded to, you could hypothetically make certain correlations between certain types, but I know many counterexamples that would go against these supposed correlations, too.

For example, perhaps introverted thinkers are less likely to give or want Words of Affirmation. Perhaps Type 6s dislike Words of Affirmation more than other types since they typically have difficulty trusting compliments and not doubting plain old words. Perhaps sp doms like gifts because they tend to be more materialistic than the other subtypes. Perhaps sx doms like physical touch since PT is such a common part of intimate romantic relationships. Perhaps Type 7s or so doms like Quality Time because they tend to enjoy more activities and adventure than others. Perhaps Type 2 like Acts of Service since they give so much and feel like they get little.

All of these are purely hypothetical, and I'm sure pretty inaccurate, but since no studies have ever correlated the various systems, there is no way to know for sure.
 

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I took this test a while ago, and while I don't remember the numbers, I remember the order in which they came.

Quality Time and Acts of Service were tied for first.
Gifts was second.
Physical Touch.
Then, Words of Affirmation dead last. (I think I only had like 1 or 2 for this)
 

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Don't have to take a test to know I'm Acts of Service.
 

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Holy Jesus, I can't imagine what on Earth somebody could post in a thread like this to get banned/their post deleted :laughing:
 
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