Personality Cafe banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
996 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
(Forgive me this incoherent mess of a text)


Just normal regular daily life is a struggle for me. Every day, since I can think.
I have to literally force myself to participate in this world, because it largely does not come naturally to me. Always been the odd one out that does not want to work hard or make something of himself, but rather spend his days doing what he wants (usually video games and philosophizing).

To participate in this world I have to create or adapt a belief system that enables me to do so. The fact that I know that I created or adapted this belief system makes my mind classify it as "unnatural" and therefore automatically fragile, it is not a grounded belief system that will never leave me. In fact I can never have such a belief system because my Ni-Ti constantly compares different world views and belief systems for its strengths, weaknesses and ethics. Holding multiple paradoxes in your head at the same time would probably make most people mad I assume, but for me it is every day business.

It made me realize a long time ago how arbitrary world views are. Even those world views grounded in biological realities or other "truths" that we have known for ever or discovered just recently are but incomplete human interpretations of reality. Always incomplete. Always fragile and prone to destruction through either intense emotional experience or vigorous rational analysis.

I am quite afraid of a civilizational collapse or war or something of that sort.
I fear that all those world views I use to cope with this world will be meaningless in the face of existential terror. I would likely become a mental case in a war situation due to trauma, but maybe not. I hope not.

I can clearly tell that I am above average intelligent, but given the predicament I find myself in I wonder what it is all for. Nature clearly designed men to be courageous warriors that can first and foremost protect their tribe and fellow men under extreme stress, yet I suspect I am not like that. Why not?

I had hoped this would get better as I get older, but it seems to stay that way now at age 25.

Is all of this just underdeveloped Fi? Maybe it is. Maybe not.

Those who are alike wish nothing more than to be unique, but those who are different and unique wish nothing more than to be "normal".


Any thoughts on this are welcome.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
436 Posts
I'm not trying to be harsh, but I had to learn this the hard way in some of my own existential moments.

Ahem...

Who are you to save the world? Why would anyone want you to help them?

Now again, I'm desperately trying not to sound cruel, but it's the truth. What about you, who you are, what you do, what you believe, is capable of mantling all the world's issues onto your shoulders? There are infinitely more troubles in existence than anyone could hope to address. Allowing the weight of the universe to crush your spirits is not only counterproductive, but it's also laughable.

Okay, that's a lot of tough love. I'm sorry how it comes across, but sometimes such things need to be said, in all their nihilistic glory. Yet the kernel of truth is that in order for us to affect positive change on the world, we must first make positive change within ourselves. Allowing a sense of helplessness to induce panic stops us from growing, which in turn stops us from helping others to grow. The world is a spider's web of catalysts. We can't make the whole web shake, but we can pluck the strand on which we stand. Hopefully then someone farther along will feel the movement and pluck the strand again. Eventually, the whole web will be abuzz (no pun intended) from our efforts, however meager they may seem at the time.

Well anyway, if nothing else, just remember that you're not alone. Just face every day with the idea that you're going to do a bit better than the last. Sooner or later, you'll start becoming the change that you want to make.

As for the downfall of society et al, I have an important rule: never try to save the world after 10:30 p.m. Not sure what time it is where you are / when you read this, but it's past midnight for me, so it applies for you as well. There's a second rule that involves pepperoni pizza after 8:00 p.m., but it's less relevant to the discussion. Peace and love.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
53 Posts
Forgive me, I'm not sure I can give an intelligent response to this; but I have felt similar pain, so I will share some thoughts:

In dark times, we are motivated by our most fundamental fears. In my experience, Ni fears meaninglessness ("the world holds no meaning") and Fe fears uselessness ("I have no place in this world and nothing to contribute.") It sounds like these fears are affecting you also: you expressed anxiety about the ultimate lack of truth or meaning in life, and anxiety about your inability to function within society as you think you should. In order to become more integrated with the social world around you, first you need some kind of paradigm for navigating it. But you doubt it's possible to find a belief system that satisfies this need (fear of meaninglessness.) This makes you worry that you can never fulfill your role in the world (fear of uselessness.)

It sounds to me like you are struggling not with Fi, but a chronic Ni-Ti loop. (Maybe you already know this? You mentioned that Ni-Ti was troubling you.) Focusing on the arbitrariness of ideas is very characteristic of the Ni-Ti loop.

Here's how I think the loop happens: as INFJ's we desperately want to understand, and then to participate in the world. Ni provides us with diverse ideas and interpretations of the world, but Ni is passive and can't participate in the world. We need a T or F function to provide actualization, to prove that our ideas can stand up to the demands of reality. When we turn to Ti to provide this, we get stuck in the Ni-Ti loop. The loop is so dangerous because INFJ's usually can't employ logic (Ti) as a creative force. Instead, Ti manifests as a destructive force, only there to criticize, distort, and tear apart Ni's beliefs. Being in the loop drives introversion to an extreme, because it is entirely subjective and self-serving. This makes us feel even more fragile and disconnected from reality, feeding Fe's fear of uselessness.

To counter such a destructive force (the Ni-Ti loop) we need a creative force, something that can motivate us with hope and not fear. For myself, I have found that creative force is Fe. Fe pulls me out of myself, forces me to just act on my instinctual need for connection with other people. It takes courage, but provides a lot of relief. Through Fe I can appreciate people who are Extraverts or Sensors, helping me realize that my own worldview is not the only one that matters. Ultimately, this helps me be more at peace with the limits of my understanding. It remind me that even when I don't understand the world, I still care immensely about it. Maybe you will find this is true for you, too?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,454 Posts
It's not incoherent or messy at all. I think those feelings are common in someone struggling with depression but even then, nothing is static. Everyone feels discouraged or a lack of motivation towards life sometimes despite what it may look like on the outside. Some people just get good at hiding their pain or vulnerabilities. And I think most people want to do whatever they want to do. That's pretty normal. I don't believe we're supposed to be miserable in life though and never do any of the things that we want to do because that isn't healthy. Balance is important. What you want is important and gives you clues for what you want out of life or what your talents are.

It sounds like you're just currently focusing more on the weaknesses or holes you believe you see rather than the strengths or positive aspects and it's kind of consuming you in a negative way. It's interesting to note that this is a belief in itself but we often don't think to see the holes or biases in certain arguments or negative beliefs we have when we're in a negative state of mind. It's confirmation bias in a different way, I guess. And yes, it would make anyone mad if they had a defeatist attitude about it.

Just because something is incomplete doesn't mean it has no value. But it depends how you choose to look at things. I see each point of view as a puzzle piece of truth even if it's limited or the person misunderstands something. That's part of what I find exciting about it. Because it's like the more you see, learn, collect, the more puzzles pieces you have and the closer you are to seeing the whole picture. It's like solving an exciting mystery. Saying it's always fragile or prone to destruction is a really negative way of looking at things and not really rooted in truth or logic either. Like I said, just because something can have holes or is incomplete doesn't mean there is zero truth in it. A person can just as easily say the opposite. Reality is not all dark and it's not all light - just a combination of both.

At any rate, I went through a period where my belief systems got all shaken up (existential crisis mode) and I was looking at everything through a fearful/negative/confused lens myself. it caused panic attacks. I just eventually got to a place (slowly but surely) of equillibrium again where I was able to have faith. A person cannot truly live without hope. Despair kills the human spirit. Faith is not something that is always easy to attain though. All of my belief systems were broken down and it was hell while I was going through it but it brought me to a better place with a stronger sense of faith so in that sense, it was a good thing that needed to happen.

It sounds like Fear is the one in the driver seat right now. It sucks to be bound and controlled by fear. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I feel for you. I used to fear for the worst too but at the end of the day, all you have is the living, breathing moment as cliche and corny as it sounds. A lot of the things we worry about wind up never happening. It winds up becoming a waste of energy and like I said, despair and fear really weaken our spirit so of course it doesn't leave much room or desire for much else. I would lack motivation for life if those were the thing I was dwelling on too. Focusing on something positive that fills you with joy and energy instead of fear and despair can help. At first it might only be something little to inspire you and eventually it might become more. But everything really just comes down to what you choose to focus on.

No one is strong all the time because there are negative things that can happen to us while we're living here on earth. We experience pain. No one is a rock of strength all the time because people don't work like that. We aren't static beings. Our emotions come and go. Fear and courage are just emotional states that can easily come and go. Of course some emotions are more empowering than others.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,949 Posts
I encourage everyone to have a hobby. And I especially encourage this out of intuitive people.

I write novels. I create worlds, and characters, and problems. I have them deal with it, and explore themselves. It makes me happy. Yeah, I get a kick out of other people liking what I write, but I do it because I enjoy it. I can escape into it. I can save it.

And then the next more important thing. Make a good group of friends.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top