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The 'Give 'Em Their Space' Mother
ISTP (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving)


"My feelings are my own business. Not theirs. So I honor their privacy too."

Non-intrusive and respectful of differences, the ISTP mother gives her children the personal space they need to develop as separate, self-sufficient individuals. As children grow and mature, she enjoys observing how each one becomes his or her own person. She seeks to accept and honor each child's interests, opinions, and choices.

The ISTP mother does not believe in authority or control for its own sake. Instead, she favors a non-directive approach. Yet she has high expectations for each child's self-discipline as a key to self sufficiency.

To these ends, the ISTP mother wants to "be there" for her children—to meet their basic needs and keep them safe. Her goal is to help her children think for themselves and take responsibility for their own actions.

Tips
The ISTP needs to find a comfortable way to connect with her children's feelings and concerns on a regular basis. She can develop systems or techniques the family can use to initiate more personal conversations. For example, a child might place a baseball cap on his door handle by 7 P.M. as a signal to his mother that he would appreciate a bedtime chat that night. Or she might keep an open mother-daughter journal that allows for each one to communicate personal thoughts through written conversation.
The greatest gift the ISTP mother can give herself is a break from day-to-day household routines. She may enjoy going out by herself to visit a bookstore or see a movie. Or she may prefer to hire a housekeeper (if she can afford it), or delegate those chores she finds intolerable to other family members.


Strengths
Honoring differences. While she may not always agree with them, the ISTP mother fundamentally believes her children have the right to their own points of view. She tends to follow their lead in what interests them, rather than trying to shape or control what or how they think.
Respecting a child's privacy. The ISTP mother provides her children with the physical and emotional privacy she values for herself. She is careful to knock before entering a child's room, doesn't ask who called on the phone, and backs off from asking personal questions that to her seem intrusive.
Fostering self-sufficiency. The ISTP mother believes in self-discipline. Not liking to be confined by rules or authority herself, she may be intentionally "lenient" with her children so they can think situations through on their own, choose their actions, and then assess their own behavior.
Engaging children in intellectual discussions. As she helps her children think for themselves, the ISTP mother enjoys intellectual discussions with them at any age. Her best times as a mother may be those moments when she and her children discuss what they are studying at school—grammar, geography, world events—or what they want to do in life.


Struggles
Providing emotional support. The ISTP mother may feel out of her element when it comes to giving a child the emotional closeness he or she needs. She may struggle with showing warmth and affection, coaxing a scared child, or figuring out the emotional aspects of a child's behavior.
Asking personal questions. When her child needs help handling an emotional issue, the ISTP mother may be reluctant to probe his or her feelings—she doesn't want to put the child on the spot or set off an emotional outburst. But her children may confuse her non-intrusive behavior with not caring.
Traditional domestic tasks. Handling the domestic side of child-raising does not appeal to the ISTP mother. She tends to be uncomfortable if called on to fix home-cooked meals regularly, insist children sit down to eat, dress them in matching outfits, or provide little touches that make their rooms homey.
 

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I think this is pretty dead-on.
 

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This is me definitely as a parent. I don't hover over my kids and I firmly believe they are entitled to their privacy. Although my daughter is only four I knock on the bathroom door before I enter, I just don't bust in. I let them do what they want to do, but I do guide them and give discipline. I have a friend that is a helicopter mom and I am forever telling her to back off. She tells me that my kids are well behaved considering I'm pretty hands off. I tell her that I'm not always yelling and screaming so when I do yell they listen. I do not have any problem with being emotional with my kids. I tell them I love them everyday, that I'm proud of them, and they make me happy. It's much easier to raise an emotionally healthy child instead of trying to fix an effed up adult.

And yes, domestics is NOT my strong point. I hate it in fact. I just do it to keep the peace. When I first married my husband we fought about that constantly. I don't like constant conflict so I gave in. Of course I am not as neat as he would like, but he better take what he can get lol. Also, I know when my kids start school if they ever encounter a bully situation I'm gonna want to whip some kids ass or at least the parents...but I know I can't do that. But I most definitely will fly down to the school on my broom stick and give someone an ear full.
 

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MOTM Jan 2012
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I could definitely see this happening.
 

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Yet another reason why ISTP/ENFP work well together. I don't want kids, but if I did, I could see a very balanced upbringing between the two of us.
 
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