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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, hello there. I'm sure there's been a thread for this before, so if that's the case, I apologize.

How does one go about asking out a male INTJ? I love you guys to death, but a.) you're nearly impossible to flirt with, b.) you always appear to be above such things as dating or dances, and c.) subtle hints seem to be a wasted effort. (I use the pronoun "you," but of course I'm referring to a specific case. Still, the points I mention seem fairly typical, from what I can see.)

I know it depends on the person, but is there anything that to go off of based upon personality type alone? I simply mean different approaches, manners, methods, etc., for anything from initially catching your attention to the actual asking out part.

Any help would be wonderful!
 

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I'm not of the male INTJ grouping, but I think there are a few things you can do to at least ease communication in the event that you profess admiration of a sort. You'll definitely want to be direct about it, but don't necessarily blurt it out for no reason - ask for a time to talk to this person in advance, preferably a few hours or even a day or two, unless you feel you're not patient enough. As you're ENTP, you may not have this sort of problem, but I would say try to tone down your reactions when you do tell them, except in the case of them flat out rejecting you. If the INTJ you're interested in wants time to make a decision, give them the time; if you really like them, after all, you should be able to wait for the answer.
 

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Well, hello there. I'm sure there's been a thread for this before, so if that's the case, I apologize.

How does one go about asking out a male INTJ? I love you guys to death, but a.) you're nearly impossible to flirt with, b.) you always appear to be above such things as dating or dances, and c.) subtle hints seem to be a wasted effort. (I use the pronoun "you," but of course I'm referring to a specific case. Still, the points I mention seem fairly typical, from what I can see.)

I know it depends on the person, but is there anything that to go off of based upon personality type alone? I simply mean different approaches, manners, methods, etc., for anything from initially catching your attention to the actual asking out part.

Any help would be wonderful!
1) Alone time with each other. 2) Say you're interested (he either won't pick up on flirting, or will ignore it). 3) Ask if he's interested. 4) Touch him or sit in his lap. If he doesn't recoil in horror: 4) Profit!
 

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If he wants to spend time with you, he probably likes you.

I love how people think this is a "mystery".

INTJ's are super rational. All you have to do is be totally truthful, honest, and plain. No games, no hints, no signals. Just come straight out and get it done. He will appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness.

Mystery... wow that made me laugh. We're so easy to ask out. Winning us to the point where you have the opportunity to ask us out, now that's the trouble.
 

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My advice would is to be direct (don't beat around the bush, don't make hints, etc). Do it where there aren't other people around (other people present will just cause undue stress). Give enough time for the two of you to be able to talk about, don't make him feel rushed about answering. And remember that chances are whatever he will respond with will be honest, if he says "I need some time to think about" chances are he actually does. Also explain what it is exactly that you want, as they say "Specificity is the key to all good communication." (-The Middleman)

But most importantly is simply being direct.

I hope this is helpful/makes sense.
 

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If he wants to spend time with you, he probably likes you.
This.

I'm serious. Especially if s/he:

1. Doesn't mind making a bit of a small talk with you.
2. Asks for your opinion (and actually gives some shit about it.)
3. Actively seeks out your company.
4. Tries to help you, give you advice, etc. no matter how clumsy it looks.

Then he probably likes you, or at least thinks positively of you. INTJs spends their time and company very....methodologically.

About asking them out, follow the directions given in previous posts. With my INTJ (although she's a female,) I actually just wrote a letter and asked a friend of mine to give it to her (shush, I know it's silly, but this was the first time I asked someone out :tongue:), then didn't see her for a whole day to give her time to think.

I think it worked because:

1. It's direct.
2. It gives her time to think.
3. It takes my "omg, I'mma react like a drama queen!" part out (ENFP)

Of course, I guess it helped that she already did like me to begin with, but it went pretty smoothly. And no, she never caught my flirting either, lol.

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks, everyone. I'm actually glad to hear that directness is key, but I'm wondering: if I simply come out and say it without any prior hints, is there a possibility that the shock-factor might be a detriment?

Also....Are you sure that something (admittedly) lame like a note expressing everything would not simply be TOO lame? I just don't know - dealing with emotions and stuff like this is really not my thing. Clearly, telling someone in person is always ideal, but...
 

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Thanks, everyone. I'm actually glad to hear that directness is key, but I'm wondering: if I simply come out and say it without any prior hints, is there a possibility that the shock-factor might be a detriment?

Also....Are you sure that something (admittedly) lame like a note expressing everything would not simply be TOO lame? I just don't know - dealing with emotions and stuff like this is really not my thing. Clearly, telling someone in person is always ideal, but...
Actually, I've been asked out via note twice in the past, and I thought it was really sweet (Though I rejected them both, it wasn't because of the method). :p

But it's true, it's not exactly...the style I tend to take, lol (but rarely anything is "usual" in this relationship). Yet, when I told her "I know it's kind of stupid, I should've asked directly." She replied that she was actually glad I told her via note, as it gives her more time to think it through and removes all the meddle that tends to come with asking someone out.

I don't think INTJs are impressed with crazy special fiasco of fancy expression of love. Nor, on the other hand, do I think they care too much about how lame a method tend to be. Just tell him how you feel, and I think that's all that matters. :wink:
 

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1) Alone time with each other. 2) Say you're interested (he either won't pick up on flirting, or will ignore it). 3) Ask if he's interested. 4) Touch him or sit in his lap. If he doesn't recoil in horror: 4) Profit!
I was thinking along the same lines... I'd be uncomfortable if asked in front of others though if I liked the person I'd go with it, but if not then I'd be especially uncomfortable because I don't want to hurt the person.

The sitting in the lap part... big thumbs up :) Even I ain't that dense. :cool:
 

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Good luck trying to get an INTJ, any INTJ for that matter, to date you, esp. if you are fairly young. We don't like things that expire.

Congratulations on finding a member of the clan though, most will go their entire lives without meeting one of us.

No surprise we're the single most successful personality. ^^
 

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Like other mentioned, if he's talking to you it's already a good sign. If I were you I'd keep it simple:

-smart conversation/debate
-ask him out

If he accepts the date and you guys keep seeing each other, no matter if he has expressed his feeling or not towards you. It would be a safe bet to say he's interested.
 

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I think it'd help to get a general run-down of the present between you and him which considers factors like how long you've been friends, how he's reacted to your flirting thus far, etc.

Anyway, previous posters have got it right; be direct, no games, etc. I think you should try out the note idea. Make sure it's not too overwhelming :wink:
 

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I wasn't on a date before. But, however, I can honestly tell you that I don't tolerate flirtations or hints that she likes me. I prefer people being direct on what they're going to say. The rest is garbage. :bored:
 

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I don't think there is a problem of steadily hinting, as long as you are leading up to the actually confession or question and will ultimately be straightforward. :blushed: Even if they like you back, there is a chance that they won't be exhibiting it in a way you recognize, or they may be hiding the emotion in general.

I would think that the only way an INTJ would be "above dating" (at least ones I know IRL) would be if they weren't even slightly interested in a relationship at the time. I'm sure that there are other reasons though, but hey, it's not impossible to get them to agree to a date! :) Just don't be surprised if you have to be the one to initiate everything! (Not totally a bad thing; for example, a shy person like me kind of needed the push to be a little more straightforward with what I want)

In lieu of flirting, starting a conversation (deep or not, but not shallow) to try and get them talking with you is a good idea, and after a while of talking, depending on each individual, you can probably get a good idea at least of whether they like you or don't like you as a person in general. If it seems they like you, I'd say "coast is clear" from then on!

And above all, be genuine! (Not saying that you wouldn't be.) Before I got with my INTJ, the group we met in, the vast majority of the group was guys (of the video game playing genre) and there were like, 2 or 3 other girls besides me (who were into anime and moé and acting cutesy) and my INTJ later admitted that he preferred me over them even on that first day before we got into conversations because they were being kind of frivolous and irritating. (Of course this is a good tactic to use in general; it gained me a high level of respect with the gaming group in general compared to the other two female members!)

2+ years in a very happy and generally problem-free relationship can't lie! ...can it?
 

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I usually end up being the one that will make the first move... but I suppose the things that lead me to do so were largely influenced by instances such as-

+First I was impressed by someone's cognitive processes or specific style of wit when meeting them

+Then I was impressed by someone's intelligence and ability to not blurt out stupid meaningless crap, like having conversations loaded with traditional small talk

+Then I was impressed by someone's ability to actually carry on a conversation with me once granted the opportunity to share ideas in a more private setting

+Then when multiple instances of the sharing of ideas and concepts don't bore me

+Then once we talked about the Idea of us seeing each other, and going over the rules and possible concerns, if I felt the situation could meet my needs and expectations, I would make a more physically directed move when I felt like it.


now that I have read back over this before posting... I am such an INTJ... That is... the most robotic shit... They must never write chick flicks about INTJs. Its no wonder so many of the other types are uncomfortable about taking that 'first step' into a relationship with an INTJ. I would imagine it to be terribly discerning.

I wish you the best of luck!
 
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