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The 'Happy Together' Mother
ESFJ (Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging)


"I like it when my children are happy on their own, but i love it when the whole family is happy together."

The ESFJ mother has a highly developed sense of family and what it takes to be happy in life. Capable and personally invested, she strives to create a happy family where togetherness and harmony flourish. Whether it's taking her children to the park or putting on a holiday feast, her efforts are directed toward having everyone be "happy together."

To many, the ESFJ personifies motherhood. She promotes traditional values, tends to the practical and domestic, provides the family with order and structure, and is directly involved with her children's day-to-day living. The ESFJ mother is a "doer," and she's never happier than when she's "doing" for her family.

Believing the home is central to family life, the ESFJ mother excels at creating an atmosphere that is attractive and offers security.

Energetic and people-oriented, she is drawn to community and the social scene. She helps her children discover the joys of people and groups.

Tips
When her children are squabbling, the ESFJ mother needs to remind herself that healthy relationships require a certain amount of conflict and "clearing the air" to grow and flourish. Allowing family members to work out differences on their own can sometimes be the best way to promote the close, harmonious relationships she wants for her family over the long run.
Driven by a lot of "shoulds," the ESFJ mother is susceptible to others' judgments and the desire to please, not to mention her own perfectionism. She may have a hard time relaxing. The greatest gift the ESFJ mother can give herself is enforced regular breaks from the intensity of family life and constantly giving and doing for others. A little relaxation and fun need to be put at the top of her to-do list everyday.


Strengths
Cultivating close relationships with her children. The ESFJ mother is devoted to taking care of her children's needs, physical and emotional. She is especially sensitive to their feelings, offering personal warmth, comfort, and plenty of "I love yous."
Making people connections with the larger world. Sociable and friendly, the ESFJ mother provides her children with opportunities and activities to connect with community and friends as well as family, often serving as the family's "social director."
Sharing practical wisdom. The ESFJ mother wants her children to know how to get along in the world. She values what is "appropriate" and teaches her children the right things to do and say in a wide variety of situations.
Providing a home base. The ESFJ mother creates a home atmosphere that can serve as an anchor in the storm for her children. Home to her is also the place for informal gatherings and special events, such as family birthdays and holidays. A gracious hostess, she extends the warmth and hospitality of her home to family and friends.


Struggles
Family disharmony. The ESFJ mother gladly puts forth effort to orchestrate good times for the whole family together. She can feel frustrated, annoyed, and hurt, however, when family members are fighting, someone is hurt, or some don't want to participate.
Judgment and control. The ESFJ mother has a good idea of what she wants for her child, and she worries when her child chooses a path different from the one she has envisioned. She may struggle to understand and accept a child who is different, finding it difficult to back off and let go.
Perfectionism. In an effort to get everything done right and on time, the ESFJ mother is prone to over-functioning. The stress may lead her to nit-pick or over-focus on details to make everything perfect.
 

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Also, an ESFJ mom might be overprotective of her children getting worried all the time not letting her children be free.
It can be hard for her to let go of a child who is moving out o live its own life.

My mom is an ESFJ, which is great, except when she turns to super worried mode or start being overemotional about it. That happens all the time it sucks badly.
 

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The 'Happy Together' Mother
ESFJ (Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging)


"I like it when my children are happy on their own, but i love it when the whole family is happy together."

The ESFJ mother has a highly developed sense of family and what it takes to be happy in life. Capable and personally invested, she strives to create a happy family where togetherness and harmony flourish. Whether it's taking her children to the park or putting on a holiday feast, her efforts are directed toward having everyone be "happy together."

To many, the ESFJ personifies motherhood. She promotes traditional values, tends to the practical and domestic, provides the family with order and structure, and is directly involved with her children's day-to-day living. The ESFJ mother is a "doer," and she's never happier than when she's "doing" for her family.

Believing the home is central to family life, the ESFJ mother excels at creating an atmosphere that is attractive and offers security.

Energetic and people-oriented, she is drawn to community and the social scene. She helps her children discover the joys of people and groups.

Tips
When her children are squabbling, the ESFJ mother needs to remind herself that healthy relationships require a certain amount of conflict and "clearing the air" to grow and flourish. Allowing family members to work out differences on their own can sometimes be the best way to promote the close, harmonious relationships she wants for her family over the long run.
Driven by a lot of "shoulds," the ESFJ mother is susceptible to others' judgments and the desire to please, not to mention her own perfectionism. She may have a hard time relaxing. The greatest gift the ESFJ mother can give herself is enforced regular breaks from the intensity of family life and constantly giving and doing for others. A little relaxation and fun need to be put at the top of her to-do list everyday.


Strengths
Cultivating close relationships with her children. The ESFJ mother is devoted to taking care of her children's needs, physical and emotional. She is especially sensitive to their feelings, offering personal warmth, comfort, and plenty of "I love yous."
Making people connections with the larger world. Sociable and friendly, the ESFJ mother provides her children with opportunities and activities to connect with community and friends as well as family, often serving as the family's "social director."
Sharing practical wisdom. The ESFJ mother wants her children to know how to get along in the world. She values what is "appropriate" and teaches her children the right things to do and say in a wide variety of situations.
Providing a home base. The ESFJ mother creates a home atmosphere that can serve as an anchor in the storm for her children. Home to her is also the place for informal gatherings and special events, such as family birthdays and holidays. A gracious hostess, she extends the warmth and hospitality of her home to family and friends.


Struggles
Family disharmony. The ESFJ mother gladly puts forth effort to orchestrate good times for the whole family together. She can feel frustrated, annoyed, and hurt, however, when family members are fighting, someone is hurt, or some don't want to participate.
Judgment and control. The ESFJ mother has a good idea of what she wants for her child, and she worries when her child chooses a path different from the one she has envisioned. She may struggle to understand and accept a child who is different, finding it difficult to back off and let go.
Perfectionism. In an effort to get everything done right and on time, the ESFJ mother is prone to over-functioning. The stress may lead her to nit-pick or over-focus on details to make everything perfect.
Thanks so much for posting this :tongue:

I've been freaking out because it seems like every person on here with an ESFJ mother hates her passionately. This is finally a good balanced view of the potential an ESFJ female has in parenting.
 

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Thanks so much for posting this :tongue:

I've been freaking out because it seems like every person on here with an ESFJ mother hates her passionately. This is finally a good balanced view of the potential an ESFJ female has in parenting.
ESFJs can be very nurturing and can be especially good at making an outcast feel included. Sure, there are certain clashes with some of the other types which are pretty much unavoidable any time a person is parented by someone who is very different. Most of the people here posting are IN__ types, and if there were more ES__ types posting, I think you would likely see greater appreciation for them. My ESFJ aunt took me in for a while so I could live in the town where my friends were, and made me feel very welcome in her home. When I got to meet cryptonia, she was the one who drove him to the airport after the visit was over, in the middle of the night. She hosted the meeting, giving us both rooms to sleep in, food to eat, providing everything necessary. She might not always understand the things I care about, share my political opinions, or respect how territorial I can be because of my introversion, but I wouldn't trade her for anyone else. I try to imagine what it would have been like growing up as her child, and while I would rather have my own mom, whose type is closer to my own, I don't think it would have been so terrible. I think for some children, particularly ES_J children, it would be pretty much ideal.
 

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Thanks so much for posting this :tongue:

I've been freaking out because it seems like every person on here with an ESFJ mother hates her passionately. This is finally a good balanced view of the potential an ESFJ female has in parenting.
my mom is an esfj

she is ridiculous and we fight alot ...but I easily love her more than anyone , our connection is otherworldy
 
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