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The 'How To' Mother
ESTJ (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging)


"We're the mothers you like to carpool with. Not only are we on time, we organize the driving schedule for everyone."

Organized and comfortable being in charge, the ESTJ mother knows "how to" get things done, make things happen, and accomplish much on behalf of her children. Whether she is encouraging them to get involved in organized activities or talking with them about their personal concerns, children of the ESTJ mother learn "how to" succeed in life.

Upbeat and matter-of-fact, the ESTJ mother is intent on her children having the best. She puts her skills and talents to work to this end, from planning trips that supplement their studies to raising funds for new playground equipment. She is happiest when her efforts produce concrete results—children who try out for teams, participate in academic competitions, or are leaders among their peers.

The ESTJ mother runs a tight household. She is apt to have predictable expectations, consistent routines, standard procedures, and well-defined boundaries, all of which help her children feel protected and secure.

Tips
The ESTJ mother needs opportunities to feel competent separate from the job of mothering. Getting feedback for her ability to manage projects—both paid and volunteer—can provide objective measures of her competence.
The ESTJ mother needs a place where she can exercise her need for structure or a project that is "totally under control." If she can claim such a place or project, she may find it easier to be more flexible and spontaneous when it's called for.


Strengths
Organization and planning. The ESTJ mother is naturally suited to managing a busy, active family. She can juggle many tasks and get a lot done. Her children know they can depend on her to follow through and take care of their basic needs.
Teaching children practical skills for success. The ESTJ mother knows what it takes to succeed—do your work before you play, don't burn bridges, look adults in the eye when you shake hands, make new friends but keep the old, plan ahead for deadlines, organize your time.
Teaching children how to problem-solve. The ESTJ mother loves talking to her children about what's on their minds. She uses their issues and concerns as "teaching moments" to help them with their problem-solving, whether it's handling a school assignment or managing trouble with friends.
Social adeptness and people orientation. By word and example, the ESTJ mother teaches her children the joys and skills of moving comfortably among people and groups. She does what she can to create a network of friends, extended family, and community organizations for her children.


Struggles
Sense of self. The ESTJ mother often feels overly responsible for her children's successes and failures. She may find herself living through their successes or using their behavior to measure her competence as a mother.
Letting go. The ESTJ mother struggles to let children of all ages do things their own way. When her children are young, she may be frustrated that she can't make them eat vegetables or fall asleep on schedule. As they get older, she may stay involved, at the risk of "trying to run their lives."
Acceptance. The ESTJ mother may struggle to accept each child just the way he or she is. Because she has a picture of what would be best for each one, her children may feel that anything short of her idea of perfection isn't good enough.
 
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Yep. That's my mum in every single aspect. Damn, after reading this my respect for her grew! ("damn" here goes for the realisation that I needed a forum post to make me respect her more :S) Anyway, yes, the really worst thing about the ESTJ mums is in my experience the part where you have to think about "what will the neighbours say" all the time and not being trully yourself (outside). But I know she wants the best for me.
 

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This sounds just like my mother. And while I do love her, and all these traits sound great on paper, I'm an INFP, so we clash a LOT.
i am not infp but i just had enough and couldnt continue any comunication with my estj mother anymore, a few weaks ago i completely cut it off with her. although i am a mature adult, and studied tyology, and am professional- it is still really difficult
 
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