To me the key difference has already been touched on, which is that thinkers naturally use objective criteria (usually logic and rationality), whereas a feeler is going to use subjective criteria (their own personal values, which could be emotions, or other people's emotions).
I've heard people say before "Because that's the definition, then of course thinkers feel emotions and feelers use logic." So why do people get the impression that thinkers have no feelings and feelers can't use logic? I think it's because it's all relative.
For me, as an F, feelings are what drive me. I use them to make decisions because they are what are most important to me. For me, feeling right about something is more important than if it makes sense. It drives my whole state of being. I've always felt the most important thing for me in life is to be happy without directly taking away from other people's happiness.
I think a lot of that does have to do with me being an S as well...I'm very focused on my own world rather than the whole world. I have a natural tendency to have an "ostrich syndrome"...if I can't see a big picture problem, I'm really good at ignoring it if it's not directly affecting me. I know a lot of N's, especially NT's, might view that as selfish. However, if I can directly see someone in my life as hurting, I will go to extreme lengths to help them out and put their own needs above my own. So part of this is me being an ISFJ (with dominant Si and auxiliary Fe), not just being a feeler, but you can see how the F comes into play.
So because feelings are so central to me, compared to me, most T's are going to come across as not being in touch with their feelings because relative to me, they aren't. However, a feeler has to be extremely careful to understand that a thinker still has feelings and that they are important...just not
as important as their logic, and not
as important as they are to a feeler.
And of course the same is true in the other direction. I've actually had a number of people think that I'm a T before, since I am able to step out of my own self perception and look at things objectively. However, that's not my natural preference...I certainly can do it, but I have to make an effort. But since I don't naturally do it all of the time, a thinker still might think that I'm not good at using logic.
unleashthehounds said:
The difference between T and F has to do with how you make decisiosn. I know my feelings always drive me to make poor decisions and I make much better ones with my T.
What's interesting here is that I think this is why T's sometimes get frustrated with F's and F's get frustrated with T's. The criteria they use to determine which decision is "right" or "better" is completely different anyway! I mean, it's certainly possible for an F to make a decision, a T to show them why logically it was a bad one, and for the F to admit they were wrong. But it's also certainly possible that an F will make a decision based on emotions, a T can show them why logically it was the wrong one, and the F can still feel like they made the right one.
And it goes back to what's important to somebody. I don't think most T's can be at peace with a decision unless they choose the one that makes the most sense. Likewise, I don't think most F's can be at peace with a decision unless they choose the one that makes them feel the best.
That doesn't mean that a T can't convince an F to change their mind about something or vice versa. What I always find fascinating is that a T and an F can make the exact same decision for different reasons, and another T and F could make the opposite decision for their own reasons. It's a matter of learning to appeal to what matters to someone.
I think if T's and F's can learn to accept and understand each other instead of just thinking "I give up on this person, my way is right, and they'll never change", then they will be able to have a more positive effect on that person and what decisions that person makes. I really think any political issue can be analyzed from both a T and an F perspective, it's just a matter of showing people the details of either one.
