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Hi. I'm visiting from the ENFP forum. Hello my wonderful INFP neighbors! I am in love with my husband who is an INFP like yourselves. I am so grateful for him and he makes me feel so understood, is a fantastic and beloved father, and has a charming sense of humor which I wonder if you all have. I want to make him feel unquestionably loved. I want to boost his self-esteem ( a hard one for him. I swear as soon as he dose something amazing he has to tear himself down a peg in his mind). Do you guys relate to that? What are some things that your loved ones have done that made you feel hamazing? I want that for him always. Please send your ideas my way. What has someone done or said that made you feel special and incredibly loved? My humble thanks is yours.
 

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First, can I just say that you sound like a beautiful human being? Enfps are lovely people, and I'm sure your pure existence alone makes him happy. I wish you both all the best!

Infps are incredibly hard on themselves...a LOT. I know I am. Standards higher than the sky, that idealism. I relate to this all the way. It may help to let him know in someway of how he's doing such a good job at fulfilling his values/making the world a better place or whatever he personally values. Just as a pep talk if he feels like he's not doing good enough. Or whatever other enfp optimistic magic you have up your sleeve, you guys tend to be naturals at cheering people up.

I feel loved when somebody says or does something positive related to something I really like/love...am passionate about or care about. Something that makes me feel like they are thinking about me/know me well. For example, if they made me my favorite food. Bonus points if it was something I thought no one would remember or care about. The more specific and unique it is to him, the better. I love surprises too.
 

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Aaawww what a cute post.

Last time I felt like the title says, was actually with another INFP ^_^

What are some things that your loved ones have done that made you feel hamazing?
In this order of importance:
1. Quality time together lying in bed holding each other and talking. Tell me all your secrets, the deepest most shameful parts of you. I will feel that you trust me, and I will know that you love me.
When I tell you my stuff, don't flinch. Don't judge. Listen and treat it like it's the most normal thing in the world, and keep it secret.
Also, many people think that constant talking is a necessity. No. Silence is equally as important. Talk if there's something you actually want to express, not to fill gaps. Be comfortable with the silence, and just be together in presence, and in touch.

2. Random acts of service. Pick me up at the train station, drive me to work, or pick me up from work, fix something in the house, pay for birth control, pay for my coffee, fix my computer.

3. Initiate sex.

4. Words of affirmation confirmed with actions. Compliment my cooking (only if it's genuine) and act on it (eat it). Tell me I'm hot (and grab my ass). Compliment my outfits, face, hair. Tell me I'm intelligent, and act like I am (i.e. respect my opinions, don't start fights to try to change my mind by force).
I noticed that my ex-INFP would reject my compliments about his hotness, handsomeness and intelligence. It took him about 1.5 years to finally look in the mirror one day and mumble "Lately I look at my eyes and they're not bad... I'm starting to think that I like my eyes" and my response was "Your eyes are so pretty I want to take them out the sockets and eat them ñamñamñam and then eat your entire face ñamñamñam You're so handsome and hot I feel violent". This is normal xNFP talk, express the imagery and the hyperboles, it's fun ;) Be blunt in your compliments. INFPs will have trouble believing them 100%. My ex had/has terrible self-esteem, terrible. I have high self-esteem, but every now and then he would compliment something unexpected (like my videography projects) and I couldn't believe that they were as good as he thought. To this day, I still think they suck and that I'm not creative enough. But that's okay. Don't get frustrated if we reject compliments, stay patient and leave us to think whatever we want to think. We will ruminate about your compliment in our alone time, we'll think about it ad nauseam, you are challenging our self-perception with your patient blunt compliments.

What has someone done or said that made you feel special and incredibly loved?
All of the above.
And tiny little gestures that blow my mind, like the fact that you would call or text me three times in a week (or five, or six, or twenty). The thought that you would seek my company on purpose, for no other reason than my company, not because you need a favor, is mind blowing to me.
So make the INFP understand that you want them around and you will go to great lengths to be in their presence.

It's not about grandiose things, it's the daily small things, and the consistency.
 

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@Alesha - You are the sweetest! I am with an ISTP, so his way of love is different than NF - I usually just translate it to what I need. In any event, I love it when ISTP plans quality time with me. I like going on little errands with him (I make a good sidekick), and it makes me happy when he asks me to come along his adventures.

It is the best when he's like, "So after work on such and such a day, I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner at such and such a place." Little weekends away are always fun too.

It makes me feel really special when he tells me that I am the best, but it is hard to put that into words because he does it in this sort of cute humble way that is so genuine that I don't think it could re-manufactured by anyone else. Just perhaps know that we appreciate and treasure these sorts of affirming words, even though we may not tell you - we hold them in our hearts.
 

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Does it count if you pretend that it happened? :laughing:
 
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It has been roughly eight years for me. I think. Although I met someone last year who was such a sweetie. He treated me so well, like a princess, you know? His girl. That felt good.

I don't know why I didn't call him back. I am just messed up.

That aside, I wish I could feel incredibly loved again. That would be nice. But I do nothing to "achieve" that.
 

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Hi. I'm visiting from the ENFP forum. Hello my wonderful INFP neighbors! I am in love with my husband who is an INFP like yourselves. I am so grateful for him and he makes me feel so understood, is a fantastic and beloved father, and has a charming sense of humor which I wonder if you all have. I want to make him feel unquestionably loved. I want to boost his self-esteem ( a hard one for him. I swear as soon as he dose something amazing he has to tear himself down a peg in his mind). Do you guys relate to that? What are some things that your loved ones have done that made you feel hamazing? I want that for him always. Please send your ideas my way. What has someone done or said that made you feel special and incredibly loved? My humble thanks is yours.
I myself don't like compliments. I don't really feel anything for compliments BUT! If someone were to tell me how they felt from a thing that I did, it is a lot more easier for me to take in. So if someone says: "Nice thing you did there[...]" I don't feel a thing and I just say thank you because of common courtesy (unless it happens to be from someone I really look up to or I feel their genuinity in some way) though if someone were to say "This thing you did made me feel[...]" I can easier take in what I have done. It's because it's lot more valuable for me to hear that I made an impact on someone than doing something "good".

What makes me feel unquestionably loved and understood has to do with how someone listens to what I have to say. Especially if it is something that makes me vulnerable. So practically making me feel that what I feel is not only okay, but also something that impacts that person. So the moments where I express myself are the ones that are most valuable. When someone listens without judging and like everything about me, not only my happy moments but also my sad and also be okay with the things about myself that I am ashamed of.

So in an relationship for me it's important that I have no secrets with the person and that I am comfortable to be honest about everything. Sharing things about oneself that isn't the most admirable is of course a risk but I have to know that the person is okay with those things and know about them when being in a close relationship otherwise I get very uncomfortable and afraid of expressing myself which kinda ruins the whole point of me being together with that person in the first place.

These are some things that make me feel unquestionably loved in a relationship. It's not concrete advise or anything and I don't know what your husband values but you get the point that honesty, vulnerability and acceptance (when it all goes well of course) is something that makes me feel unquestionably loved, comfortable, relaxed and happy.

Hope you get an idea from what I said. Just started babbling about, don't know if this is useful to you lol :O
 

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Anytime I have a creative idea, whether it be an art project or story, when someone says the words " We need this in the world", or "You need to give what you have to the world", I can't resist the incredible feelings inside that I am cherished somehow, even in ways that I don't know. It's involuntary and it's like my whole inside is just lit up with white light.

Also one time where I felt insanely loved, very very strange experience happened here. This ENTP women I know, me and her get along really well but one day she just....she just decided to hug me, but it wasn't a normal hug, she hugged me while I was talking to someone else, and she just stayed....there, hugging me, like she was resting on me. With her head against my temple, just rocking in my arms, I felt her shaking, it was such a beautiful vulnerable moment, and when I recognized she had stayed there a little longer than a normal hug, I had this INTENSE! feeling of green and white light just bursting in my insides. Like her hug said to me" I just want to hug you, and it's just because I want to, no other reason besides ME just wanting to hug YOU, and rest on you." I was also shaking, these two shaking bodies, and nobody even knew it because I was trying to keep my composure talking to somebody else while this woman was injecting white light into my body through a hug. I'll never forget that moment.

It's hard to realize you are loved when someone just says it, I know me, I'm always searching for the reason why the person is saying it. Perhaps it's to cheer me up, or some other reason. But in that moment I had no room to question and I just knew, this woman had no reason to rest on me, no reason to hug me, nothing, and I couldn't question it at all, I just knew I was loved.

Perhaps leave no room for interpretation for him, just show him you love him because you do. You just like being around him, that right there sounds amazing to me as an INFP.

INFPs want to be loved for being themselves, not because they said something or did something.
 

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Just the other day. I was recently disowned by my mother, and told my guy who I'd gotten back together with after over a year because he's also my best friend and I wanted to vent. At the same time, I was kind of embarrassed because, after just recently talking again for a month or so, I was nervous he would think I was just too much drama at this point in my life. And we hadn't told one another we loved each other yet since getting back into it. Still, he listened and even gave some sound advice. When I thanked him, he said he was supposed to do that, and that he loved me. It's a big deal because instead of judging me for my issues, he did the complete opposite and expressed his feelings at the best possible time. Still gushing.
 

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What makes me feel unquestionably loved and understood has to do with how someone listens to what I have to say. Especially if it is something that makes me vulnerable.
Thisssssssssss.
 
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Incredibly loved and understood? I suppose about an hour ago when I yelled at husband "You better not die on me!"

...and he said, "okay." He said he hopes he is around, several more years.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
First, can I just say that you sound like a beautiful human being? Enfps are lovely people, and I'm sure your pure existence alone makes him happy. I wish you both all the best!

Infps are incredibly hard on themselves...a LOT. I know I am. Standards higher than the sky, that idealism. I relate to this all the way. It may help to let him know in someway of how he's doing such a good job at fulfilling his values/making the world a better place or whatever he personally values. Just as a pep talk if he feels like he's not doing good enough. Or whatever other enfp optimistic magic you have up your sleeve, you guys tend to be naturals at cheering people up.

I feel loved when somebody says or does something positive related to something I really like/love...am passionate about or care about. Something that makes me feel like they are thinking about me/know me well. For example, if they made me my favorite food. Bonus points if it was something I thought no one would remember or care about. The more specific and unique it is to him, the better. I love surprises too.
Thank you! Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I think my husband has given me some feedback along the lines of getting him foods he likes and doing things very specific. It's nice to hear... like when I'm listening to you guys it's so very much also what he needs-- it reaffirms how true MBTI is!
 
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Discussion Starter #15
Aaawww what a cute post.

Last time I felt like the title says, was actually with another INFP ^_^

What are some things that your loved ones have done that made you feel hamazing?
In this order of importance:
1. Quality time together lying in bed holding each other and talking. Tell me all your secrets, the deepest most shameful parts of you. I will feel that you trust me, and I will know that you love me.
When I tell you my stuff, don't flinch. Don't judge. Listen and treat it like it's the most normal thing in the world, and keep it secret.
Also, many people think that constant talking is a necessity. No. Silence is equally as important. Talk if there's something you actually want to express, not to fill gaps. Be comfortable with the silence, and just be together in presence, and in touch.

2. Random acts of service. Pick me up at the train station, drive me to work, or pick me up from work, fix something in the house, pay for birth control, pay for my coffee, fix my computer.

3. Initiate sex.

4. Words of affirmation confirmed with actions. Compliment my cooking (only if it's genuine) and act on it (eat it). Tell me I'm hot (and grab my ass). Compliment my outfits, face, hair. Tell me I'm intelligent, and act like I am (i.e. respect my opinions, don't start fights to try to change my mind by force).
I noticed that my ex-INFP would reject my compliments about his hotness, handsomeness and intelligence. It took him about 1.5 years to finally look in the mirror one day and mumble "Lately I look at my eyes and they're not bad... I'm starting to think that I like my eyes" and my response was "Your eyes are so pretty I want to take them out the sockets and eat them ñamñamñam and then eat your entire face ñamñamñam You're so handsome and hot I feel violent". This is normal xNFP talk, express the imagery and the hyperboles, it's fun ;) Be blunt in your compliments. INFPs will have trouble believing them 100%. My ex had/has terrible self-esteem, terrible. I have high self-esteem, but every now and then he would compliment something unexpected (like my videography projects) and I couldn't believe that they were as good as he thought. To this day, I still think they suck and that I'm not creative enough. But that's okay. Don't get frustrated if we reject compliments, stay patient and leave us to think whatever we want to think. We will ruminate about your compliment in our alone time, we'll think about it ad nauseam, you are challenging our self-perception with your patient blunt compliments.

What has someone done or said that made you feel special and incredibly loved?
All of the above.
And tiny little gestures that blow my mind, like the fact that you would call or text me three times in a week (or five, or six, or twenty). The thought that you would seek my company on purpose, for no other reason than my company, not because you need a favor, is mind blowing to me.
So make the INFP understand that you want them around and you will go to great lengths to be in their presence.

It's not about grandiose things, it's the daily small things, and the consistency.
This reply was so appreciated. It also reaffirmed the stuff that I AM doing already which made me feel good. Because he doesn't always give me feedback-- but I think I'm on the right track after reading this over! We both want the other to initiate sex. Lol. I think it's something about Fi and Si together that wants to be turned on by the other. Do you INFPs happen to know why that is? I don't know-- but I will always go ahead and initiate rather than go without. Lol
 
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Discussion Starter #16
@Alesha - You are the sweetest! I am with an ISTP, so his way of love is different than NF - I usually just translate it to what I need. In any event, I love it when ISTP plans quality time with me. I like going on little errands with him (I make a good sidekick), and it makes me happy when he asks me to come along his adventures.

It is the best when he's like, "So after work on such and such a day, I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner at such and such a place." Little weekends away are always fun too.

It makes me feel really special when he tells me that I am the best, but it is hard to put that into words because he does it in this sort of cute humble way that is so genuine that I don't think it could re-manufactured by anyone else. Just perhaps know that we appreciate and treasure these sorts of affirming words, even though we may not tell you - we hold them in our hearts.
Thank you. Sometimes it feels like I'm throwing all the love I've got at him and he's still having a hard time feeling it. This made me feel like it does matter for sure! Lovely to get to talk to you! Thank you. Continuing on!!!
 

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INFPs want to be loved for being themselves, not because they said something or did something.
:blushed: This x 1000.

Oddly enough, I cannot articulate exactly what makes me feel most loved. There are different scenarios for when I feel most loved. However, there have been many times that others ramble about the relationships they have me, and how that has changed / encouraged / helped / healed / comforted them, and it never fails to bring me to tears. Maybe it's knowing that I have a positive effect on people.
 

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When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and absolutely no one else can make me feel the same.
 
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We both want the other to initiate sex. Lol. I think it's something about Fi and Si together that wants to be turned on by the other. Do you INFPs happen to know why that is? I don't know--
With my INFP, he was the one who always wanted me to initiate sex, so I get it ^_^ In the beginning I was always initiating, but there came a point where I felt neglected because I wanted to feel "the chase", u know? Easy peasy solution: I told him! His response? Your wish is my command xD Turned out that he didn't want to appear "pushy" if he initiated, WTF. I don't know where he got that idea, probably because he's brainwashed by his social justice warrior friends or something. But in any case, if you talk about it and explain that you like the feeling of being chased, then you can go 50%50%, sometimes you chase, sometimes he does, just depending on inspiration of each moment. It's doesn't have to be mathematical or strategic at all, just inspiration.

but I will always go ahead and initiate rather than go without. Lol
ooohh yes xD
 
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