[Jazzlee]

So here's the thing:

I'm a 17-year-old still living at home with my ISTJ mom, who I usually get along with pretty well, save for the occasional feuds about stuff like how messy my room is, how I always procrastinate my homework, etc, etc. But ever since the time for me to go off to Paris and live alone for a month with my friend drew closer, she has been damn near intolerable.

I know most mothers have a freakout of one sort or the other when their baby kid leaves the nest. What with me moving halfway across the country next year after high school, it only serves to add more panic. So when she began to nag me about basic stuff like, "Don't forget your metro card at home when you leave the house, always check that you have it at the door" or "Don't forget to turn off the stove when you exit the apartment", I just nodded along and said 'yeah', though I did a little comment of, 'I know that already, mom'.

But now it's been about a month and when she repeats the same things - with only tiny variations - almost everyday, I'm about to go insane. I've become a little bit more snappish, but I still accept her 'advice' and 'listen' to it. Because, see, this isn't even the problem at hand.

I'm not much of a morning person, you see. I get really grumpy if I haven't had enough sleep, and should therefore just avoid talking to anyone the first two hours of my morning lest my temper gets the best of me when they pull something annoying I normally can stand, but can't when I'm newly awakened. That's why I told my mom off when I began high school and my workload caused me to pull many late nights that it'd work better if I just used the alarm clock rather than her waking me up every morning (her job and my school day starts at approximately the same time).

And it's all worked fine, up until now.

These past few months, the occasions when she feels like I'll just turn off the alarm clock and sleep in (which I never do, by the way) have become increasingly frequent. At first it'd be twenty minutes after my alarm clock started ringing, and now she comes in everyday before my alarm clock even starts ringing and begins her nagging about how I never get to school in time, etc, etc.

In the beginning I told her off nicely and explained the situation to her: how my teachers are already used to everybody being late so they don't give a rat's ass about when I arrive unless it's 20-30 minutes too late; however, if a teacher really finds it unacceptable for me to be late, I almost always come on time. But it just feels idiotic to stress myself stupid first thing in the morning if the rest of the class is going to arrive at the same time as I would have had if I hadn't 'listened' to my mother's 'advice'.

Of course, she didn't listen, or we wouldn't have this problem. She somehow has the idea that if she doesn't tell me off, I'll be even more late than I am. (But then she whines about me not listening to her - which is completely true, I just ignore her so-called 'advice', aka endless nagging, so there's really no point in her doing it - so I don't really get what she thinks...) And she also has some kind of a weird belief that the more she nags, the more it'll stick in my head once I leave the house and am on my own. (Which, of course, it won't.)

This issue is so ridiculous that I wouldn't be posting it here otherwise, but this morning we had this huge fight about it. I finally exploded in her face. For somebody who loves to be indepedent, being treated as if I'm a 7-year-old all over again really gets to me. (Added with the fact that this all happened in the morning just served to be more of a trigger to set my temper off.) She's still convincced that I wouldn't last a single morning without her nagging the hell out of me (though she didn't exactly phrase it like that), and told me to 'prove it to her' that I can do otherwise.

I could just go ahead and humor her and get on time every single day, but I know this isn't the solution. My mother has the belief that 'I won't last a day without her nagging' drilled into her mind, and there's no way in hell that she can change it that easily simply because I change my routines. She'll just think I did it because her nagging is so superior that even I caved and began listening to it, and just do some more.

I'm sorry for the rant, guys. I don't even know if this is typical ISTJ freaked-out-mom behavior or just my mother. But I'd really love to have some advice on how to handle this before I go insane and pull a kamikaze in the kitchen. (Okay, exaggeration there, but you get my point...)

Thanks in advance.

 

[cursivelogic]

It doesn't sound like a ridiculous issue: it sounds like something that you need to resolve. Part of living at home is compromising with your parents.

Perhaps, instead of repeating the reminders, she could put a checklist by the door (ISTJs like lists!) for you to mentally tick off before you leave: she could add to it as needed, and the daily reminders could be reduced to "Remember the checklist", if that.

There's a simple solution to morning grumps, by your own admission: manage your workload and get enough sleep. Alternatively, coffee works wonders :wink:

Being punctual is important to an ISTJ: if "everyone else" is late, that's their problem (unless it inconveniences us and becomes our problem). The start time is set for a reason. But to deliberately leave late just to prove a point (because that's what it sounds like) strikes me as childish. Why not be on time? It's a vital skill, and it will show respect for your mother's values. In return, she will respect yours.

Have you spent much time with her recently? You could be speaking different Love Languages, and just completely mis-communicating.

Otherwise, it sounds like she's being reasonable in her expectations, and it also sounds like you've given her reason to suspect that you won't meet those expectations. Indeed, by ignoring her "endless nagging" and carrying on as you are, you're giving her license to continue. Instead, act like the responsible adult that you claim to be.

Your mother feels responsible for you, and she's looking out for you. It is hard when you start gaining your independence (I'm sure even more so when you're under the regime of an ISTJ), but all too soon you'll have to do these things for yourself. Unless you show your mother that you can step up, chances are she'll keep trying to shepherd you, and that will put more strain on your relationship.

 

[TurquoiseSunset]

So here's the thing:

I'm a 17-year-old still living at home with my ISTJ mom, who I usually get along with pretty well, save for the occasional feuds about stuff like how messy my room is, how I always procrastinate my homework, etc, etc. But ever since the time for me to go off to Paris and live alone for a month with my friend drew closer, she has been damn near intolerable.

I know most mothers have a freakout of one sort or the other when their baby kid leaves the nest. What with me moving halfway across the country next year after high school, it only serves to add more panic. So when she began to nag me about basic stuff like, "Don't forget your metro card at home when you leave the house, always check that you have it at the door" or "Don't forget to turn off the stove when you exit the apartment", I just nodded along and said 'yeah', though I did a little comment of, 'I know that already, mom'.

But now it's been about a month and when she repeats the same things - with only tiny variations - almost everyday, I'm about to go insane. I've become a little bit more snappish, but I still accept her 'advice' and 'listen' to it. Because, see, this isn't even the problem at hand.

I'm not much of a morning person, you see. I get really grumpy if I haven't had enough sleep, and should therefore just avoid talking to anyone the first two hours of my morning lest my temper gets the best of me when they pull something annoying I normally can stand, but can't when I'm newly awakened. That's why I told my mom off when I began high school and my workload caused me to pull many late nights that it'd work better if I just used the alarm clock rather than her waking me up every morning (her job and my school day starts at approximately the same time).

And it's all worked fine, up until now.

These past few months, the occasions when she feels like I'll just turn off the alarm clock and sleep in (which I never do, by the way) have become increasingly frequent. At first it'd be twenty minutes after my alarm clock started ringing, and now she comes in everyday before my alarm clock even starts ringing and begins her nagging about how I never get to school in time, etc, etc.

In the beginning I told her off nicely and explained the situation to her: how my teachers are already used to everybody being late so they don't give a rat's ass about when I arrive unless it's 20-30 minutes too late; however, if a teacher really finds it unacceptable for me to be late, I almost always come on time. But it just feels idiotic to stress myself stupid first thing in the morning if the rest of the class is going to arrive at the same time as I would have had if I hadn't 'listened' to my mother's 'advice'.

Of course, she didn't listen, or we wouldn't have this problem. She somehow has the idea that if she doesn't tell me off, I'll be even more late than I am. (But then she whines about me not listening to her - which is completely true, I just ignore her so-called 'advice', aka endless nagging, so there's really no point in her doing it - so I don't really get what she thinks...) And she also has some kind of a weird belief that the more she nags, the more it'll stick in my head once I leave the house and am on my own. (Which, of course, it won't.)

This issue is so ridiculous that I wouldn't be posting it here otherwise, but this morning we had this huge fight about it. I finally exploded in her face. For somebody who loves to be indepedent, being treated as if I'm a 7-year-old all over again really gets to me. (Added with the fact that this all happened in the morning just served to be more of a trigger to set my temper off.) She's still convincced that I wouldn't last a single morning without her nagging the hell out of me (though she didn't exactly phrase it like that), and told me to 'prove it to her' that I can do otherwise.

I could just go ahead and humor her and get on time every single day, but I know this isn't the solution. My mother has the belief that 'I won't last a day without her nagging' drilled into her mind, and there's no way in hell that she can change it that easily simply because I change my routines. She'll just think I did it because her nagging is so superior that even I caved and began listening to it, and just do some more.

I'm sorry for the rant, guys. I don't even know if this is typical ISTJ freaked-out-mom behavior or just my mother. But I'd really love to have some advice on how to handle this before I go insane and pull a kamikaze in the kitchen. (Okay, exaggeration there, but you get my point...)

Thanks in advance.

I know it can be super irritating, but it's her way of showing she cares. It's gotten worse because you're close to leaving and she wants to make sure you'll be okay. BELIEVE ME, I've been through this and felt like killing my mother/father/both (ISFJ, ISTJ) at times because I am extremely independent too, like you. Just ignore it and humour her. Just tell her okay and leave it because the resulting fights are really just not worth it. It's also horrible when you tell them off and they get that hurt look. She means well. I guess parents (especially worriers like ISTJ's) can become a bit silly and irrational when faced with situations like this.

I know it doesn't seem helpful and the frustration will still be there, but try to be understanding. When it gets really bad talk to her calmly about it. Maybe if she feels less resistance from you she'll back off a little...thinking you took the hint.

Funny thing is, I already know I will probably be EXACTLY the same with my kids :crazy:

Good luck! Keep in mind it wont last forever.

 

[Rhee]

Ho hum. This used to be my situation exactly, except I was in your place, too.

I'm messy, a homework-procrastinator, and a sulking grumpy bastard in the mornings (alas, some things do not change even when you get slightly older) so yeah, most of the maternal nagging I DID deserve, though I'd occasionally get exasperated at my mother, too.

This didn't change until I began getting up earlier, even before she did. I was also handling a lot of workload at school then, and changed my tactics so that I'd arrive at school early, and get more crap done before noon. (FYI this works better if you're doing serious work. I'm a nightowl, but I speak from experience.)

The thing is, as long as you're living under her roof you gotta stick to her rules, if only for the sake of maintaining peace in the household. Mum loves ya, and you now have less than a couple of years left to live in the same house together, say hi to her in the morning, come home to her at night, eat the meals she cooks for you and wear clothes that look and smell nice. Considering the little time you have left, it doesn't matter if she thinks it's her nagging that did the job in the end - you can spend that time in peace and quiet.

 

[CallSignOWL]

Honestly, you sound like a whiny baby and a total jerk :dry:

Part of our "nagging" as you call it, is our way of showing that we care. And we do get into habits. She probably thinks she is helping you out.

Get up on time and stop pulling all-nighters. Actually do the homework as soon as you get home and don't goof around. Get to school on time--that shows responsibility. ISTJs like responsible people. If you are not, she might think that it is somehow her fault for not raising you right. You are showing irresponsible behavior--I totally get where your Mother is coming from here.

IF we give advice and you don't listen, it is like a slap in the face. We may not show it, but slaps hurt.

Sometimes Im grumpy in the morning too, I know how that feels. But that is your problem and you should not take it out on your family members.

And getting to school early is not a bad thing--it gives you more time to socialize with friends before the daily grind starts up.

I may sound brash here, but get your a$$ out of bed, work on your attitude, get to school on time and go to bed at a reasonable hour! There, problem solved. You do that and Mommy-dearest wont bug you any more.


OWL


PS-- I am 19 and my mother is an ISFJ and my father an ESTJ. But I hardly have the problems you have because I know they was responsibility from their children. I also tap into the "Feeling" side to show Mom affection. It makes the house a much happier place. Relationships are a two way street.

 

[Jazzlee]

I don't bother quoting all the posts since that'll just take massive space, so here go my replies to your posts instead.

cursivelogic: I think you misunderstood me there. I'm not deliberately leaving late to prove a point; I do it because there's no use in getting there early. It feels unnecessary to stress my way to school early when half of my class arrives at the time I usually would've arrived anyhow, had I not stressed at all. And as for the whole responsibility thing, I do show that I can take care of myself besides the whole arriving-late thing. She knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, which she has told me herself before, which is why I've no idea why she believes I can't do it now without her telling me off about all the things she's aware that I already know, and why she acts like I'm a 7-year-old all over again.

And I do spend time with her. Not extremely much, but then again, my mom likes her peace and quiet after work. We've long chats a few times a week when we both have the energy for it, but other than that, she's fine with how often we interact.

Coffee doesn't work for me that well, either. I can't remember what my parents said about it, but apparently it runs in the family and it has something to do with our blood sugar. But I'll remember to tell her about the checklist =)

TurquoiseSunset: Thanks! Yeah, I know where it all stems from, so I do have understanding. It's just that when she goes overboard - like, giving me a patronizing snort of, 'Yeah, right' (she doesn't do the hurt look) when I calmly try to explain to her that I do know all the stuff she's telling me even though I appreciate her doing it - my frustration just hits the roof. Lol, I've a feeling that I'll probably channel my mom when I get kids as well and the same thing happens to me... funny how that doesn't stop me from being frustrated xD

Rhee: Hmm, I'll think about the whole getting to school early part... I've never been able to do much work in the mornings, but it might be worth a shot. And I do follow all her rules, save for the whole 'getting-to-school-in-time'... so all I need is solving that issue and then we'll have that perfect peace and quiet ^^

CallSignOWL: Lol, being called a whine I probably deserve, though I did come here asking for a solution, not just to vent my frustrations. Though why a jerk? People get frustrated due to different reasons, and while you might find things like not getting on time immensely frustrating, I find somebody treating me like a child so. When those frustrations build up, isn't it natural to explode sooner or later? Or have you never fought with someone due to that person doing something that frustrates you?

My procrastination as of lately isn't due to "goofing around"; rather, I work after school to save up for me moving halfway across the country so I don't burden my parents financially when I do. I'm not a machine, which is why I need some time to rest (not to mention dinner...) after I get back from work, thus the studying at night.

As for the whole issue of whether or not my mother can consider me responsible, read what I wrote earlier in this post. The only real issue we have at hand is the whole whether or not I can get to school on time.

I don't know where you live, but where I live, people all have different schedules in the morning. More than half of my class is late for the first lesson, so there's really no point in going early. I will consider the whole advice given earlier of going there early in order to get work done, but I'm still open for alternatives in case it doesn't work out.

And I still don't get what your whole problem with my attitude is. My mother is aware of my morning grumpiness and has avoided it up until now, just the same way I cut her some slack and give her peace and quiet when I see her tired and grumpy after a long day at work. We've some sort of an unspoken mutual understanding. You make it sound as though she's some sort of a victim having to endure morning tantrums every single day, though I only had a fit this morning as I've had enough.

Hahahah, so if I'm understanding you right, I'm not giving my mother affection because I can't stand her waking me up every morning? How did you get that conclusion? My mom is well-aware of how much I love her, even though our personalities clash. And also, I've no clue what you mean with "they was responsibility from their children". Care to explain further?


Thanks for the advice, everyone! I'll consider it and give it a shot, but I'm still open for alternatives if you've got some =) Any idea on how to talk it out with my mother without either of us getting offended? (And before anyone can start tell me off about getting offended about her giving me advice, it really isn't that. We start fighting when she starts treating me like a child who can't take care of myself, or starts whining about how ungrateful I am when I've repeatedly told her that I'm not ungrateful, only wishing that she'd trust my capability more.)

 

[niss]

Had a response typed out and deleted it by mistake.

Bottom line--trust your mom. Get the sleep you need by going to bed earlier. Get out of bed and get to class. This will allow you to leave home with a decent relationship with your mom--that needs to be your goal.

In a few months, do as you please. Right now, keep the peace.

EDIT: I'm blaming your avatar for the lost post. I was entranced waiting for the person to finally get to the bottom of the stairs. :tongue:

 

[CallSignOWL]

CallSignOWL: Lol, being called a whine I probably deserve, though I did come here asking for a solution, not just to vent my frustrations. Though why a jerk? People get frustrated due to different reasons, and while you might find things like not getting on time immensely frustrating, I find somebody treating me like a child so. When those frustrations build up, isn't it natural to explode sooner or later? Or have you never fought with someone due to that person doing something that frustrates you?

My procrastination as of lately isn't due to "goofing around"; rather, I work after school to save up for me moving halfway across the country so I don't burden my parents financially when I do. I'm not a machine, which is why I need some time to rest (not to mention dinner...) after I get back from work, thus the studying at night.

As for the whole issue of whether or not my mother can consider me responsible, read what I wrote earlier in this post. The only real issue we have at hand is the whole whether or not I can get to school on time.

I don't know where you live, but where I live, people all have different schedules in the morning. More than half of my class is late for the first lesson, so there's really no point in going early. I will consider the whole advice given earlier of going there early in order to get work done, but I'm still open for alternatives in case it doesn't work out.

And I still don't get what your whole problem with my attitude is. My mother is aware of my morning grumpiness and has avoided it up until now, just the same way I cut her some slack and give her peace and quiet when I see her tired and grumpy after a long day at work. We've some sort of an unspoken mutual understanding. You make it sound as though she's some sort of a victim having to endure morning tantrums every single day, though I only had a fit this morning as I've had enough.

Hahahah, so if I'm understanding you right, I'm not giving my mother affection because I can't stand her waking me up every morning? How did you get that conclusion? My mom is well-aware of how much I love her, even though our personalities clash. And also, I've no clue what you mean with "they was responsibility from their children". Care to explain further?

I apologize for any confusion, but the whole tone of your post such as using " I don't give a rats ass" among other things and putting "quotations" around 'advice' struck me as being really rude.if YOu act rude to me (even if its just a post not directly aimed at me but a tone of the words, and I will respond in a similar fashion. I'm sensitive like that for some odd reason)

Go to school on time. Your mother is worrying about you. You are leaving soon, she wonders if you will be OK on your own. reassure her by showing how responsible you can be. Parenting is stressful.

Where I went to school (in assuming you are still in high school) all classes started at 805 in the morning. NO exceptions.

I grew up with a drama-queen ENFP....I understand morning temper tantrums. It is still you that has a grumpiness problem in the morning just as much as it is your mothers issue for being tired after work.

your whole affection thing is confusing. I never said anything of the sort. I was implying that there are different strokes for different folks. My mom need loving confirmation to make her happy. It sounds like your mom needs you to confirm that you are responsible.

the last part was a typo. it was supposed to read: "they want responsibility from their children"


OWL

 

[curious0610]

Sounds like my ESFx mom... when you talk about the nagging about everyday small things like the metrocard and stove.

I agree with what has been said so far. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Enjoy your freedom when you are not living with her anymore, but until then there is not much you can do but live by her rules and vent all you want.

I'd have to say I agree with your mom though.... if i saw your attitude/work ethic towards school, i would be concerned, too. it doesn't seem healthy or efficient or structured. and as someone who goes to class earlier than needed, i would get frustrated with what i see as dragging your feet to get something done. I woulnd't nag cause i dont like to repeat myself, but i'd start enforcing some structural changes in your life. just take the nagging.... it's better when advice is given through words and not through some type of action.

 

[Qadosh]

I relate to your mom more than I relate to what you're saying so it's hard for me to feel sympathy for you. Nagging would get annoying, definitely but I think she only nags because you don't listen :tongue:.

 

[Sela]

More to the point, even if everyone is late for school, they won't be when they enter the real world and get jobs. Especially in this economy, if you can't (or won't) make it on time to a job, they'll fire you and hire someone who can/will. Better to establish those habits now regardless of whether you already can or not; when you enter the workplace, you won't have a choice in the matter.

 

[curious0610]

"I don't know where you live, but where I live, people all have different schedules in the morning. More than half of my class is late for the first lesson, so there's really no point in going early."

Response: Where I live, people have different schedules in the morning and it is still expected that they arrive on time ready and prepared to fulfill their duties, whether it is for class, research or for work.

 

[cursivelogic]

cursivelogic: I think you misunderstood me there. I'm not deliberately leaving late to prove a point; I do it because there's no use in getting there early. It feels unnecessary to stress my way to school early when half of my class arrives at the time I usually would've arrived anyhow, had I not stressed at all. And as for the whole responsibility thing, I do show that I can take care of myself besides the whole arriving-late thing. She knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, which she has told me herself before, which is why I've no idea why she believes I can't do it now without her telling me off about all the things she's aware that I already know, and why she acts like I'm a 7-year-old all over again.

And I do spend time with her. Not extremely much, but then again, my mom likes her peace and quiet after work. We've long chats a few times a week when we both have the energy for it, but other than that, she's fine with how often we interact.

Coffee doesn't work for me that well, either. I can't remember what my parents said about it, but apparently it runs in the family and it has something to do with our blood sugar. But I'll remember to tell her about the checklist =)

In that case, I apologise for my assumption! I still think being on time is your gain and the latecomers' loss. When/if you talk to her, I would advise you to be calm, honest and specific (cite examples). She will appreciate directness and logic, so make sure you have your case prepared. Having said that, from my perspective you both win if you accede to her requests (give or take a little short-term frustration). And if you want her to trust your capability, you have to earn that trust.

 

[Wake]

I hate hearing someone complain about someone else because your only likely getting one side of the story. When people's lives are much bigger than an already long post. Guess I lack faith in my fellow man.

 

[cursivelogic]

I hate hearing someone complain about someone else because your only likely getting one side of the story. When people's lives are much bigger than an already long post. Guess I lack faith in my fellow man.

I guess it's just as well we can fill in the blanks with an ISTJ perspective.

 

[RedFairy]

I know it can be super irritating, but it's her way of showing she cares. It's gotten worse because you're close to leaving and she wants to make sure you'll be okay. BELIEVE ME, I've been through this and felt like killing my mother/father/both (ISFJ, ISTJ) at times because I am extremely independent too, like you. Just ignore it and humour her. Just tell her okay and leave it because the resulting fights are really just not worth it. It's also horrible when you tell them off and they get that hurt look. She means well. I guess parents (especially worriers like ISTJ's) can become a bit silly and irrational when faced with situations like this.

I know it doesn't seem helpful and the frustration will still be there, but try to be understanding. When it gets really bad talk to her calmly about it. Maybe if she feels less resistance from you she'll back off a little...thinking you took the hint.

Funny thing is, I already know I will probably be EXACTLY the same with my kids :crazy:

Good luck! Keep in mind it wont last forever.

I have the same problem, mostly with my dad, who is also an ISTJ. But you know what? I shut up and tolerate it because I know it's coming from a good place, it's because he loves me and he's just trying to help. Believe me, I'm going to miss the nagging one day when he's gone...

And I know I'll be the same with my kids too! :tongue:

 

[floccinaucinihilipilifica]

Excuse me for butting in. But I had a similar experience with my ISTJ mother years back. You need to realize she isn't your enemy. And it also helped if you can gain her trust by obeying her. Over time when you have gained enough of her trust you'll notice less frequent nagging. You could also use this experience as an exercise to control your temper .

 

[Tuttle]

This is late, but it might help:

My younger brother is an ENTP. He and my mom would (and still do) go 'round and 'round about the dumbest things. Yelling, crying, the whole bit. But they seem to have this relationship that connects them in a way I'll never understand. (Nor will my ESFP dad.) When my mother was grieving the death of her mom, my brother was able to bond with and comfort her on a level that my dad and I couldn't.

But ever since the time for me to go off to Paris and live alone for a month with my friend drew closer, she has been damn near intolerable.

What with me moving halfway across the country next year after high school, it only serves to add more panic.

Are you the oldest or an only child? If yes, then you are going to have it exponentially worse than if an older sibling has already gone out on their own.

And the following:

So when she began to nag me about basic stuff like, "Don't forget your metro card at home when you leave the house, always check that you have it at the door" or "Don't forget to turn off the stove when you exit the apartment",

is only going to get worse (IME). As the numerous ISTJ's have already said, proving your responsibility will go a long way. And most of them seem to be saying that if you do this, it will end the nagging. But it probably won't. I'd bet money that something else will crop up on a regular basis (and will, most likely, get more intense as your departure for college approaches).

She wants the best for you and for 17 years, she has probably done everything within her power to provide that. She was able to control most every aspect of your life to lay a solid foundation for your future. And now, she she sees that her precious daughter is going out into the world, where she can't control anything and it is freaking her out.

I just nodded along and said 'yeah', though I did a little comment of, 'I know that already, mom'.

It sounds like you've already gotten the hang of what you're going to have to do until you are independent.

Of course, she didn't listen, or we wouldn't have this problem.

False. There's two people in this relationship. Therefore it's going to take both of you to reach a happy medium. Because you are dependent on her, you will most likely have to do more of the bending.

She's still convincced that I wouldn't last a single morning without her nagging the hell out of me (though she didn't exactly phrase it like that), and told me to 'prove it to her' that I can do otherwise.

So, she knows how you feel about her nagging and told you how to fix it. Do it. Let her know that you're working on some behaviors that would "prove it." She will probably look for effort on your part and *might* cut you some slack.

I could just go ahead and humor her and get on time every single day, but I know this isn't the solution.

You are correct. As I said above, while you are still dependent upon her you're going to have to suck it up and play by her rules. After you move out, that's when you have to set up and maintain boundaries.

My mother has the belief that 'I won't last a day without her nagging' drilled into her mind, and there's no way in hell that she can change it that easily simply because I change my routines. She'll just think I did it because her nagging is so superior that even I caved and began listening to it, and just do some more.

She doesn't believe her nagging is superior. She believes her way of doing things is the "correct way" and is trying to help you. Most likely, you're going to have to prove, in your own individual way, that you can succeed in life before she's able to let go. And at that point, that's where you are going to have to state your boundaries clearly and then enforce them.

My mom and brother have a decent relationship now. My brother is still financially dependent on her to some extent so she is still able to call the shots to a limited degree. I find it manipulative on both of their parts (my brother angling for extra money he doesn't need and my mom still has someone to manage because he "needs" it) but it seems to work for them. Mom still worries about him and his unorthodox/lassiez-faire attitude about some aspects of his life, but for the most part he's proven that he can manage to run his life as he sees fit.

All this being said, our relationships with mom got a lot better once we had some physical distance from one another. Also, respect goes a long, long way in repairing/building/maintaining a relationship with an ISTJ.

 

[Obstructions]

Having an ISTJ mom myself..I know we're your coming from. Does she continue the sentence when you've already said yes twice as well?

Just talk to her about it, really. Don't snap, or she'll get offended, because currently she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, so just explain to her that it annoys you, and it should stop. If it doesn't...post back.

Edit: I see you talked to her already...um. Hm. I don't know really...I just followed my advice and it worked. Sorry. :sad:

 

[abitsilly]

That sounds so like my mum it's unbelieveable...lol
TY for the post, just give her some personal space, she'll calm down when she sees you can do it on your own.
x:happy: