[clear umbrella]

Here's the situation:

We live almost a thousand miles apart and want to live together as soon as possible. The original plan was for him to finish a semester early and move to my city. But he would need to find a job to last 8 months until he starts grad school next fall. Then we both move to wherever he gets accepted.

Now things are changing up a bit.

My boyfriend:

• lives in a very affordable area where he is paying less than $300 a month for rent
• his roommates are welcoming and awesome
• there are also few jobs where he lives because it's so insulated
• can get around without a car

I:

• live with my parents so I'm rent-free, but if I move out...then I would need to get a 2nd job because I have lots of student loans to pay until I can start taking classes again
• live in a place where rent is in the $1000/mo range
• live in a a place where people are not that nice, mainly because it's so urban
• need a car to get anywhere
• there probably won't be roommates, unless they are strangers
• live in a place that has lots of jobs
• have a job at a world-renowned institution

If he moves to me, he'd be giving up awesome roommates and affordable rent, but he would possibly get a job where I work (which is in his field).

If I move to him, I gain awesome roommates and don't have to pay rent, but I probably won't find a job, in addition to giving up my hard-to-get job. And I need a job to pay my bills.

Another possibility we don't want to face is that we can continue doing long-distance right up until he starts grad school, which is something we both don't want to do.

Help. :sad:

 

[Lad]

Hrmm..

But he would need to find a job to last 8 months until he starts grad school next fall. Then we both move to wherever he gets accepted.

So it sounds like you're both going to end up moving no matter what. Meaning that "hard to get" job you had will likely disappear anyways.

From what I'm thinking, I'd force that long distance relationship to wait 8 months until you figure out where grad school is going to be. In the meantime, I assume you'll have time to save more money with the parents for an -actual- move. Similarly, he'll save money in his current location.

Student loans can be killer, but if it's similar to the way it is up here, you don't -really- have to pay it, but rather just the minimum. I'm guessing it's around 5% APR and that the interest is tax deductible. Very the latter portion of that.

If you are madlyyyyyyyyy and wildly in love and you simply cannot endure it any longer then I'd say make him come to you. This sounds cruel, but you have a better fall back mechanism (parents) and you maintain your job which I'm assuming is somewhat higher paying. You may have to kick the bucket and screen yourself some roomies if it's in the $1000 a month range, that seems exceedingly high though... Are you sure you can't relocate to a developing city very close by? Even basement suites should be lower than that.

Nonetheless, I'd really stick with my original suggestion of staying where you are and just enduring till school is settled. I think you may potentially both turn into workaholics to make ends meet and you'll naturally have little time spent together + possible friction.

Best of luck though, sounds kind of exciting.

 

[clear umbrella]

So it sounds like you're both going to end up moving no matter what. Meaning that "hard to get" job you had will likely disappear anyways.

Hrmmm indeed. Yep, we're gonna move no matter what...in 10 months. Let me expand a little on this job I have. I just started it last month so ideally, I would want to stay for as long as possible (I have a contract with 'em till June). Even though it's true that the job will end no matter what, how long I'm there counts for 1) leading into a major major major summer internship with major US scientific lab, 2) future recommendation letters, 3) to say that I worked there for almost a year is better than to say that I worked there for 2 months. I should also mention that this job does not pay very much, just enough to cover my expenses as it stands.

From what I'm thinking, I'd force that long distance relationship to wait 8 months until you figure out where grad school is going to be. In the meantime, I assume you'll have time to save more money with the parents for an -actual- move. Similarly, he'll save money in his current location.

There won't be much saving going. Rather, just the prevention of spending more than either of us are doing right now. For instance, we don't have to pay for all those little things people forget to account for when they decide to move out (soap, toiletries, gas, water, food, light bulbs, insurance, etc. which can add up to be quite a bit).

If you are madlyyyyyyyyy and wildly in love and you simply cannot endure it any longer then I'd say make him come to you. This sounds cruel, but you have a better fall back mechanism (parents) and you maintain your job which I'm assuming is somewhat higher paying. You may have to kick the bucket and screen yourself some roomies if it's in the $1000 a month range, that seems exceedingly high though... Are you sure you can't relocate to a developing city very close by? Even basement suites should be lower than that.

Nope, his job is higher paying. It's even more high paying considering he doesn't have to pay for transportation or parking. Transportation & parking for him = $0/mo. Transportation & parking for me = $200+/mo.

Nonetheless, I'd really stick with my original suggestion of staying where you are and just enduring till school is settled. I think you may potentially both turn into workaholics to make ends meet and you'll naturally have little time spent together + possible friction.

One option built into this alternative unwanted suggestion of staying kaput is that he pays for my flights to see him. Life is so much better where he is though!! :crying: