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Archer's Master
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's honestly hard to be talking about this here, but what do you do when you feel like your life has become stagnant and you're desperate to know what's next or if there's even anything next for you?

I guess what triggered my recent emotional state is that a number of my friends have been posting about their upcoming weddings (inviting me even), and it bothers me.

I'd probably like to have my own wedding someday, but definitely not now as I am neither financially nor emotionally ready. Besides, I'm only 23. But the point is, I guess I envy my friends who have this 'next big thing' going on in their lives. I cannot say I'm entirely dissatisfied about where I am or what I am doing right now, but I just worry about what's next for me, after this. I envy that they know what's next for them and I just don't and that I have to battle with too many uncertainties. I do find beauty in such uncertainties on my better, poetically inspired days, but this is definitely not one of those days, unfortunately.

(Well, one could argue that they also don't know what's next for them. It's just that they happen to know they're getting married soon...but the circumstances around and after that are unknown to them and they're actually in the same position as I am. In theory, that makes sense, but it doesn't really provide me the comfort I need.)

I just probably wanted to rant. :3
 

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I set an new years resolution, or start a new goal anywhere in the middle of the year and work at it for as long as the enthusiasm lasts. When it peters out I start something else. Its not the best system as I never get anything done.
 

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Have you thought that they might not have as big of a curiosity for life's secrets?

I think you're suffering from a slight case of fear of missing out. Honestly, I think they're the ones missing out big time. Starting a family means bye bye to your personal freedom and gives door to a series of obligations that you'll have to take care of for the rest of your life. Take this time to really become whole with your place in the world or aim to have a larger positive effect on others.

So what's the next big thing? There are several ideas I could give you on the spot, but you obviously know yourself better, so anything that has to do with your top childhood curiosity, an attraction to a certain place, book, hobby that you haven't attempted to venture to yet, maybe start a business of something you're passionate about? You don't have to shift all your priorities onto it, just do it as a personal project that will give you joy, or an ability to spread joy to others. Those could all give you satisfaction I imagine.
 

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It could be helpful to figure out what you want to be next.

Not necessary next week or month or year, but overall what are the things you'd like to accomplish or do in your life? Then on those days when you're struggling with ambiguity you can focus on those things as kind of buoys in the sea that you can cling to. It could also help you move away from ambiguity towards something specific if that's what you're aiming to do.
 

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Archer's Master
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
It could be helpful to figure out what you want to be next.

Not necessary next week or month or year, but overall what are the things you'd like to accomplish or do in your life? Then on those days when you're struggling with ambiguity you can focus on those things as kind of buoys in the sea that you can cling to. It could also help you move away from ambiguity towards something specific if that's what you're aiming to do.
Thank you! :)

Incidentally, I was talking with an INTP friend for the same problem, and he had pretty much given me the same advice.
I guess I've been drifting in ambiguity for too long, and this is a wake-up call for me to finally figure out what I want to do.
 

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Archer's Master
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Have you thought that they might not have as big of a curiosity for life's secrets?

I think you're suffering from a slight case of fear of missing out. Honestly, I think they're the ones missing out big time. Starting a family means bye bye to your personal freedom and gives door to a series of obligations that you'll have to take care of for the rest of your life. Take this time to really become whole with your place in the world or aim to have a larger positive effect on others.

So what's the next big thing? There are several ideas I could give you on the spot, but you obviously know yourself better, so anything that has to do with your top childhood curiosity, an attraction to a certain place, book, hobby that you haven't attempted to venture to yet, maybe start a business of something you're passionate about? You don't have to shift all your priorities onto it, just do it as a personal project that will give you joy, or an ability to spread joy to others. Those could all give you satisfaction I imagine.
Aww, thanks, Fru2!
Haha. Yeah, I guess in my culture, we're 'expected' to prioritize marriage and building a family (after college), and that is why it's no surprise my peers have been doing the exact same thing.

But I've never really cared about those things. I'd keep my personal freedom for as long as I could and taking care of myself is already a chore in itself. :rolleyes:

I guess my next big thing is to nail down what exactly it is I'm desperately passionate about. For example, while I can say I have the passion for writing, I'm not sure if I am desperate enough to make a career out of it. (It's not like I write on a daily basis as my SO and many others on here do!) I'm also thinking of wanting to become a psychologist, but I haven't really taken the time to figure out the way to get there.
 

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I'm also thinking of wanting to become a psychologist, but I haven't really taken the time to figure out the way to get there.
It's not like you need to figure out the whole way, I think. What I've done is basically take one step at a time, figuring stuff along the way. But either way, I'm probably more chaotic than you, and I set myself with dreams that I can barely accomplish. Why? because I take pride in overcoming difficulties. (which I set for myself, btw, but let me have my "fun")
 
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Thanks for being brave and talking about your emotions here. You give us all a chance to reflect and grow by doing so.

Trying to figure what I want to do or be on paper, although fun, has rarely worked for me. It's only when I've gone out there and tried things, sometimes way out of my comfort zone, that I've discovered what I'm about and where I'm heading. Sometimes all you need is the break in routine, sometimes it's the inspiration obtained, sometimes it will spark something 3 years down the line which will generate unexpected joy. The first step is always the hardest, and uncertainty is the same gateway to aliveness.

Also. Take a break from social media if you can. Like smoking in the 1920's, everyone's doing it but we don't realise how bad it is for our health. Well, that's a bit generalising of me. But my sensitive brain really appreciates the space unoccupied by constant notifications, online etiquette and anxiety-stirring highlight reels!

23 is a wonderful age to be. Everyone grows at their own pace and if you stay true to your path, unconcerned by taller trees and purely supporting friends in their next-big-things, you will radiate the innocence of a rose or a star, the most beautiful thing in the world. You can find the sun by looking round the sky, or you can feel it by the light in your life. Wishing you luck.
 

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You know what? Screw what people think! Why compare yourself to others?

I get that it's a cultural thing to prove towards a progression that entails you get married, but do you actually think that half of these marriages are truly happy as they appear on the surface?

Just because it's a social norm to do something, doesn't mean the people involved are happy together nor happy with themselves. It's all a front half the times, so at least be happy for your friends in that regard. Meaning, they were able to fulfill their parents' wishes, but will they ultimately work out in the end?

I know you may feel like crap, but the next big thing in your life really needs emphasis on what makes you happy, and not a need to please others, because half the times, the people you try to please in your life aren't even worth pleasing, especially people who already judge you based on externalities that likely made them miserable within their own lives (hence misery loves company and so they spread that pressure and misery onto you!). You're your own captain. Screw the rest.
 

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I feel like I'm going nowhere too :sadcloud:
 

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If you aren't riding The Next Big Thing wave of excitement, then you should be grinding to make it happen, which can be way less exciting, but is how big things reliably happen.
 
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