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the next step? Can we be friends please?

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I realized I have this affinity for older INTJ men, usually around 10 years older. I appreciate them for their intelligence, their discipline, their fairness, their quirks, and also their search/thirst for knowledge. And sometimes, i have the rare chance to get to know them and start talking to them about conceptual issues we are both interested in, but what next?

I would like to see us advancing... from mere acquaintances, to friends? But for me, being a friend is also about spending quality time, doing stuff together outside of the conceptual talk? Talking about other interests, other stuff... i dont know. Maybe it was "fate" that meant we were just supposed to be acquaintances, but when I meet someone like this, i want to be in that person's life and vice versa. This sounds childish i know... but how can I ask an INTJ to be my friend? When i was younger, this was easier - side effect of Fe allowed me to openly pursue people i wanted to be friends with after observing them, and in general when i was younger, i was also in an environment where most people were also open to friendship (high school heh). Now that i am older, i know and see that other people also have their walls up just like i have my walls up. there's also other rules that prevent us from being more than acquaintances outside of how we know each other i guess - example, when i was in college, i really liked the T.A. for my philosophy class. he knew more than the professor did, and we always had conversations (outside of class) about philosophy and other intellectual stuff we were interested in. but after that class, we never got to talk to each other again. :sad:

any advice?
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I beg to differ. As an intensely private person myself, I can see very good reason not to add anyone as a 'friend' who you don't consider a friend IRL.
But in that case you'll have your answer, too, no?

And on a personal note: I don't understand this hunting for friends. I know how hard it can be if you want to be friends with someone and they don't seem interested, but in my experience people come and go and the only ones who stay--at least for a while--are those who are interested in you without your jumping through hoops for them first. Myself, I'm weirded out by people who show this hoop-jumping behaviour towards me, because I'd never ask them to so.

Also, from your other posts I assume that these "usually around 10 years older" INTJ guys are in their late 20s/early 30s. Being on the far end of this "old" age group, I have to say that the age gap at this stage is no small matter. I'm not saying it can't happen, but a few years of gaining experience and aplomb may be what you really need to be interesting for (i.e. taken seriously by) these people.
There's no reason he wouldn't add you, unless you came off as the stalker type.
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