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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Maybe some of you already know but I posted a long text about me and this other girl that I have a crush on.
But anyways, long story short; I invited her on my birthday today, and she said “She would love to”! So now she just left, and the evening just gave me more questions than answers. I’m literally even more confused than I was before.
She was the first one to arrive at the party (she didn’t even have time to dry her hair before showering), and when she saw me, she basically started to run towards me and almost jumped on me and gave me a long lasting hug. She was so happy, and we talked so much in those 20 min we were alone, and she talked about things that I never ever told her. For example, she started mentioning me going on Karate (but how on earth would she know if she didn’t ask someone). And we basically talked non stop, until the others came. Now I thought it would get even better, but no... It got worse. She didn’t say a world; maybe a few sentences here and there - but that’s it. Me and her were the quiets people at the party. To be honest, she sayd more sentences while talking with me, rather than all of the other 8 combined. I could see on her face that she looked different - if I could judge, I would say maybe disappointed or “not belonging there”. She was laughing (but I could see if was fake) a couple of times when some of the others were saying sth funny, but she always had that sad energy look on her face.
Not only that, but she changed a little towards me; as if she didn’t know me. It just felt so different. But she was always the one sitting closest to me. And I noticed, that everytime I would say sth (not to her), she would turn completely and look at me for a very long time - even if I was not talking to her. She also touched a little of my hand when she asked me where that bathroom was, yet it felt so weird from how she were at the beginning. From the moment my other friends came, it felt as dementors had just sucked out her happiness - and that made me sad too...
I have soms theories of what could have happened and what I should do next, but I need your help :)
1. She knows that I like girls, and maybe she does too, but is afraid to show the school. I’m an exchange student from Northern Europe, and since I’m currently in a Sourhen country she might don’t wanna show it. She’s 16 btw. She just wanted to do the easiest and less painful way, and since she did against her will, she started to feel more sad.
So what I’m thinking about doing, is being straightforward. Maybe she was expecting sth else. Maybe she wanted us to stay alone. Who knows. But I know I should be honest about how I feel. I was always good at writing long and touchy messages, but not so sure what I shall write here. Any tips?
There’s also gonna be a school party on Friday, and I was thinking about asking her friend, and maybe tell her what I feel for her. She even told me, last week, “if there’s anything you need, or anything to talk about, I’m here”... Maybe she already knows.

I need good advices guys! What would you do if you were in my place ??
 

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Why dont you press enter between those paragraphs. Thats something really different to what intjs do. Almost makes me think you are an estp boy trying to do phising here. :D

If you guys click and want this type of relationship, take a look at the triangular theory of love to ease that task, willya.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Why dont you press enter between those paragraphs. Thats something really different to what intjs do. Almost makes me think you are an estp boy trying to do phising here. :D

If you guys click and want this type of relationship, take a look at the triangular theory of love to ease that task, willya.
The reason why I don’t put enter is because I’m writing on my phone, and it’s really hard to know the difference between paragraphs :D
And no, I’m not ESTP. And definitely not a boy :p
 

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Fair enough. Im not very talented in relationship matters. But. Intjs will surely ease that puzzle for you. Again, take a look on that theory if you like. It will certainly put things in perspective, if you consider accepting what it has to offer

Cheers dear
 

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I will try to help you the best I can with my opinion:

1. The way you tell it, it is crystal clear that she was happy to see you. It could be just because she considers you a good friend, or perhaps because it was your birthday, but, as you said, she knew stuff about you that she could have only known if she had asked anyone that knows you. That means she has some degree of interest in you.

2. She was very happy to talk to you alone, but then your friends came and she looked sad and quiet. Maybe because she really enjoyed being alone with you. The fact that you two were ''the quiet ones'' at the party is also very promising. What comes to my mind is that all she wanted to do is be with you, talk with you, when she found out that she couldn't have some private rapport with you she felt disappointed. Did you initiate conversation with her during the time your friends were there? I think she might have felt ''ignored'' or jealous because you didn't give her your full attention.

3. The fact that she looked at you and touched you is also interesting. Body language is the primordial indicator of interest.

In my humble opinion, I think she likes you! You should look out for more signs: Does she blush when you are with her? Does she look into your eyes? Does she touch you? Is she always around you? Does she get jealous?
Anyway, the only way to know for sure is to ask her. So I would recommend to do so once you feel enough confident.

Good luck, I hope I have been helpful.
 

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Omg i saw some parts of me while reading your post.

Hmmm...

You're right. When i feel like i don't belong, i usually keep quiet especially when the people i don't get along with are the loud ones in the party. And yes there's also sadness in me and so i tend to put up a happy face but intuitive people will be able to see that it's fake.

If i feel "jealous" i also have the same reaction. For example, when i value you too much but i could see that you look happier in the company of others i don't get along with. It's a very sad and tormenting feeling inside but infps as you know are non communicative with these aspects because we don't want to cause any ruckus or conflict so we'll just stay quiet with it.

The best way is to talk to her often but understand that when she doesn't reply immediately she could have been just tired from all other social activities she did and it's not because of you. Try to get her to talk to you more often on a 1 on 1 setting. Personally, i am having a hard time to be me, myself and i when in a large group of people. If you want to know the real me, engage me in 1 on 1 private conversations. Personal or online / sms / messaging conversations.

Warning : infps some items overthink when it comes to people they love so try to explain yourself subtly, without sounding like you're defensive or accusing the infp of something


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Omg i saw some parts of me while reading your post.
Yes, Kenkao, I had the same exact reaction. That girl is INFP without a doubt. INFP INTJ combination.... oh man I feel that one.

Well first off, its my birthday now~~~

Yeah, I started my post with that.



She arrived early for the sole purpose of catching you alone. So there's that.

She doesn't know them. Scared of embarrassing herself and maybe you, in front of your friends. She seems like a sweet girl.

When you text her:

Consider acknowledging her discomfort at the party (I saw you were uncomfortable). INFPs may not speak up on their discomfort. I will assume the same for her.

Appreciate her attendance. She didn't leave early or anything like that, so she put up with the discomfort and unbelonging to be near you.

When expressing your feelings... uh... well I prefer it when people can say "I love you", "I have feelings for you", "I care about you/us", etc. I don't register 'indirect' words. I just don't. They come across as cute jokes or something. Declarations/confessions whatever they may be, should be vulnerable and clear. If it is possible to receive the message improperly, then there's a miscommunication issue. That triggers so much overthinking that it may as well be torture.

Can't speak for her though. I would recommend you are clear, no making it possible to misunderstand the message.

Good news though. If she really is INFP, then you have PLENTY of opportunities to get this right, just be willing to communicate. I don't know other INFPs but when I am interested, I will work and work and work on the relationship and nurture-nurture-nurture its potential.

1-on-1 is your best bet when you do meet. Then she can let her guard down a bit and stop monitoring her actions among people she doesn't know.

Nothing but hope for you INTJ_Female!!

Hope this helps, kachow! :cool:
 

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I see nothing out of the normal in your post.

1 on 1 is easy, I'm chatty -even obnoxious sometimes.
In groups, I go quiet.

Not only that, but she changed a little towards me; as if she didn’t know me.
Normal.

It just felt so different.
Yep, I can imagine your confusion, but don't worry. So far in your story there's nothing strange in her behavior.
PDA is not a thing, really. I keep DA for 1-on-1, private time.

From the moment my other friends came, it felt as dementors had just sucked out her happiness - and that made me sad too...
Mmmhh I don't know her and I wasn't there in situ, so obvsly I can't be sure, but I have to say this: U sure you're not imagining things? I mean the "sucked out her happiness". That's a strong statement imo. I know that I go quiet in groups, to the point I become invisible. That doesn't mean I'm not happy inside, or that I got depressed or anything. Being quiet is just about observing and staying detached, nothing to do with an emotional state going downhill.

But I know I should be honest about how I feel. I was always good at writing long and touchy messages, but not so sure what I shall write here. Any tips?
Agree, you should speak up, just for your mental health's sake, u know, the sooner you know her POV the better so you can have peace of mind once you know the truth of the situation.
I don't know about tips. I think you're very capable of writing your thoughts out, so just go with what works for you.

I need good advices guys! What would you do if you were in my place ??
Well, I would either just wait around hoping and wishing that the other person liked me back and initiated something, but since we don't really know if the other person's behavior is coming from a platonic or a romantic place... I would probably be wishing and hoping for a looooong time,
or I would write them a letter. In my high school years I took initiative on two occasions and wrote love letters to two guys I liked, because I needed the wishing and hoping to stop, I needed to know the truth, and the guys would check me out a lot and wink and stuff, but they would never talk to me, so I decided I needed to take risks and know the truth. None of those situations went well, as the guys laughed at me with their entire group of friends, and I became a joke. The second guy actually published my love letter for the entire school to read and laugh at. So... risks can go in any direction really. Sometimes people smile at you and are very nice, and you read their behavior a certain way, but then turns out they were playing. What I learned is that you won't find out the truth until you take a risk, because people sometimes will string you along for as long as their ego wants. And if turns out that they actually like you, then you hit jackpot.
So... in your shoes, I would totally write a letter cause that's what I did :) Give yourself the peace of mind that comes with knowing the truth of a situation.
 
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In my high school years I took initiative on two occasions and wrote love letters to two guys I liked, because I needed the wishing and hoping to stop, I needed to know the truth, and the guys would check me out a lot and wink and stuff, but they would never talk to me, so I decided I needed to take risks and know the truth. None of those situations went well, as the guys laughed at me with their entire group of friends, and I became a joke. The second guy actually published my love letter for the entire school to read and laugh at.
First of all, what the f- ALRIGHT.
*rolls up sleeves*
*inhales can of spinach*
*goes Popeye the Sailor Man*
*delivers swift bonkings to assholes*

Still in disbelief on that. So fucked up, like not cool AT ALL.

But good point, Entheos. To really figure out what's going on, if someone is actually into you, gotta make that step in vulnerability and open your heart to potential attack. That's an example of why vulnerability is so scary. Cuz fucktards like that exist. But yeah, you'll get either an acceptance or a rejection, either way there can't be a neutral response to that. Thanks for sharing.
 

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@UberY0shi
Aw you're so sweet :blushed:
It's okay, shit makes us who we are today, live and learn, take it with philosophy, etc etc ;)
 
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clearing the air does sound good, but i think maybe talk in person? when it's text and both of you are already second-guessing so much, all i can see is more second-guessing coming out of a text conversation. mind you, i'm old school and don't believe in doing anything truly significant via text.

you could also try to sit down and sort out a list of the important things you want to communicate about. her privacy and ongoing life seem like a really big one. if you're on exchange then any backlash from homophobes at your school isn't going to be with you long-term, because at some point you'll go home. whereas she won't have that option.

if there are any gblt/queer support resources in your actual environment, they might be helpful, just because attitudes are not uniform across the whole continent. so someone actually in the same space would know a lot more than we can about what context your friend's living in and what her concerns or risks might be.

edit: also, i'm still not clear on how out you are, but it seems like you're not sure whether she's clear about it. so it kind of seems to me like that's the first thing, and in your shoes i would probably start just by clearing that up.
it seems like you feel you trust her, and in any case it's not like you can start a relationship with a person of the same sex without that being known to the other person.

so as far as i have any advice, i guess mine is to separate the different types of information into specific steps and take each one individually. start with 'i am a lesbian'. that will get one of them out of the way.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Omg i saw some parts of me while reading your post.

Hmmm...

You're right. When i feel like i don't belong, i usually keep quiet especially when the people i don't get along with are the loud ones in the party. And yes there's also sadness in me and so i tend to put up a happy face but intuitive people will be able to see that it's fake.

If i feel "jealous" i also have the same reaction. For example, when i value you too much but i could see that you look happier in the company of others i don't get along with. It's a very sad and tormenting feeling inside but infps as you know are non communicative with these aspects because we don't want to cause any ruckus or conflict so we'll just stay quiet with it.

The best way is to talk to her often but understand that when she doesn't reply immediately she could have been just tired from all other social activities she did and it's not because of you. Try to get her to talk to you more often on a 1 on 1 setting. Personally, i am having a hard time to be me, myself and i when in a large group of people. If you want to know the real me, engage me in 1 on 1 private conversations. Personal or online / sms / messaging conversations.

Warning : infps some items overthink when it comes to people they love so try to explain yourself subtly, without sounding like you're defensive or accusing the infp of something


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Thank you for your answer; I appreciate it! :)

You see, I really like this girl, but the main problem here is that I’m probably the one of us that’s most introverted - and I have a very hard time to show feelings; especially for people I really like.

I’m seriously starting to think this girl is an INFP :p So far, I’ve only gotten good feedbacks from you guys + my INTJ crew lol :D

What I also noticed was that, when we first came into my house, she sat down at the couch, while everyone else went to the balcony (because there wasn’t enough space for everyone at the balcony)... I could have sat down with her (and I wanted it), but didn’t want her to feel awkward (but I felt as if she wanted me to sit next to her from her eyes. But instead I choosed to stand between her and my friend, leaning towards the wall. And after some time while I was doing sth, she stood up, went to the place I was standing, and did the exact same pose as me; so we basically exchanged seats.

I think I might have figured out why she may feel so confused or jealous. I think she thinks I like her best friend. This is because when we were on a school trip (a week ago), I was walking with her friend (and then she came to us), and on Thursday I also came in their classroom and asked where her friend was, because I had to ask her sth... And today I also asked her and her friend to go together to the capital because we have a school teater play and everyone needs to go, but she said she couldn’t because she already planned to go with her mum for Christmas shopping, while her friend said she was going with her bf. But all I did, was just assuring someone I could trust to give me more information about this girl - but it obviously didn’t work right. It could be that she showed her our texts too, and maybe she got jealous why I texted her so much more than her. Idk, it’s just my theory.

Do INFPs usually get jealous? And how would an INFP girl show attraction? Who would have to be the initiator between an INTJ and INFP? :)
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Omg i saw some parts of me while reading your post.
Yes, Kenkao, I had the same exact reaction. That girl is INFP without a doubt. INFP INTJ combination.... oh man I feel that one.

Well first off, its my birthday now~~~

Yeah, I started my post with that.



She arrived early for the sole purpose of catching you alone. So there's that.

She doesn't know them. Scared of embarrassing herself and maybe you, in front of your friends. She seems like a sweet girl.

When you text her:

Consider acknowledging her discomfort at the party (I saw you were uncomfortable). INFPs may not speak up on their discomfort. I will assume the same for her.

Appreciate her attendance. She didn't leave early or anything like that, so she put up with the discomfort and unbelonging to be near you.

When expressing your feelings... uh... well I prefer it when people can say "I love you", "I have feelings for you", "I care about you/us", etc. I don't register 'indirect' words. I just don't. They come across as cute jokes or something. Declarations/confessions whatever they may be, should be vulnerable and clear. If it is possible to receive the message improperly, then there's a miscommunication issue. That triggers so much overthinking that it may as well be torture.

Can't speak for her though. I would recommend you are clear, no making it possible to misunderstand the message.

Good news though. If she really is INFP, then you have PLENTY of opportunities to get this right, just be willing to communicate. I don't know other INFPs but when I am interested, I will work and work and work on the relationship and nurture-nurture-nurture its potential.

1-on-1 is your best bet when you do meet. Then she can let her guard down a bit and stop monitoring her actions among people she doesn't know.

Nothing but hope for you INTJ_Female!!

Hope this helps, kachow!
I’m starting to think that too :D We just seem so similar, yet so apart.

Happy birthday! How old are you? :)

I’m starting to think that I should invite her over for a sleepover at my house. She even asked me “Do you live already be here?” Lol :p She seriously did that. But I’m thinking about writing her, or taking her outside when we’ll habe this school party on Friday - to confess my feelings avout her. I really hope INFPs likes awkwardness when it comes to expressing romantic feelings, because there will be a lot of it :D :( I don’t know whether to cry or laugh...

Btw, I was stalking her today, and I found a very impressive and somewhat releasing thing as a was stalking all the ppl she followed on Insta. She doesn’t follow many (200), and what I found is that she followed an exchange student that were in the school a year ago (who I found out were gay). And what’s weird with this is because she was in 4th grade while attending the school, yet she doesn’t follow any other person from the same class, only the girl who happens to be an EC student and gay! She she also liked her videos from pride, so I think this could be a good indicator for me :) What do you think? :D

I will definitely write her a letter, maybe give it to her during the party and ask her to go out while reading it :) Would an INFP like that?
 

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Go the direct route. And I agree with lilysocks about it being in person rather than through text.
 

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Discussion Starter #17 (Edited)
I will try to help you the best I can with my opinion:

1. The way you tell it, it is crystal clear that she was happy to see you. It could be just because she considers you a good friend, or perhaps because it was your birthday, but, as you said, she knew stuff about you that she could have only known if she had asked anyone that knows you. That means she has some degree of interest in you.

2. She was very happy to talk to you alone, but then your friends came and she looked sad and quiet. Maybe because she really enjoyed being alone with you. The fact that you two were ''the quiet ones'' at the party is also very promising. What comes to my mind is that all she wanted to do is be with you, talk with you, when she found out that she couldn't have some private rapport with you she felt disappointed. Did you initiate conversation with her during the time your friends were there? I think she might have felt ''ignored'' or jealous because you didn't give her your full attention.

3. The fact that she looked at you and touched you is also interesting. Body language is the primordial indicator of interest.

In my humble opinion, I think she likes you! You should look out for more signs: Does she blush when you are with her? Does she look into your eyes? Does she touch you? Is she always around you? Does she get jealous?
Anyway, the only way to know for sure is to ask her. So I would recommend to do so once you feel enough confident.

Good luck, I hope I have been helpful.
Thank you for your answer, I appreciate it; and it helped a lot to get my mind thinking! :)

Firstly, to answer your question, I noticed she always comes or puts herself close to me. It’s like we’re sticked together if you know what I mean :p

I’m going to tell her on Friday! I was thinking about writing a letter, go somewhere in private with her, and give her the letter so she can read it while I’m sitting there with her. I tend to write things much better than saying them. What do you think about that idea? :D
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
clearing the air does sound good, but i think maybe talk in person? when it's text and both of you are already second-guessing so much, all i can see is more second-guessing coming out of a text conversation. mind you, i'm old school and don't believe in doing anything truly significant via text.

you could also try to sit down and sort out a list of the important things you want to communicate about. her privacy and ongoing life seem like a really big one. if you're on exchange then any backlash from homophobes at your school isn't going to be with you long-term, because at some point you'll go home. whereas she won't have that option.

if there are any gblt/queer support resources in your actual environment, they might be helpful, just because attitudes are not uniform across the whole continent. so someone actually in the same space would know a lot more than we can about what context your friend's living in and what her concerns or risks might be.

edit: also, i'm still not clear on how out you are, but it seems like you're not sure whether she's clear about it. so it kind of seems to me like that's the first thing, and in your shoes i would probably start just by clearing that up.
it seems like you feel you trust her, and in any case it's not like you can start a relationship with a person of the same sex without that being known to the other person.

so as far as i have any advice, i guess mine is to separate the different types of information into specific steps and take each one individually. start with 'i am a lesbian'. that will get one of them out of the way.
First of all, I would like to thank you for taking your time to answer my question :)

When it comes to that, I think I might find some of my answers today ;) I was looking through the ppl she follow on Insta (not so many; 200ish), and I noticed a girl that were an exchange student in the same school from Italy. She happened to be gay too, and I saw that this girl that I like, liked videos from the pride in Italy. Now I know that doesn’t sound very weird, but what I will say will. She were the only one of my “Insta friends” that followed her, yet she didn’t follow any of the locals that went in the same class as the EC student. She was in the finishing year last year, so she doesn’t attend here anymore; she was just here for theee months. Idk, but I found that very weird...

One other theory I have is that she may e thinks that I’m in love with her girl best friend, because there were moments where she could have thought that tbh. For example, three days ago, I went to her classroom to find her friend, but she wasn’t there, but this girl was, but idk... Just a random example :D

She was also asking me if I were living alone while at the party :p

I was thinking about writing a letter for Friday, dress and do my makeup as if I were going on the NY Gala lol, and ask her to come with me somewhere in private, give her the letter, and sit there with her while reading it :)
 

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Do INFPs usually get jealous? And how would an INFP girl show attraction? Who would have to be the initiator between an INTJ and INFP? :)
They are potentially the most intensively jealous of all types.
(jealousy is a sentiment, after all).

She would show romantic interest behaving exactly like she has behaved (by your relation).

It's the INTJ who has to break the ice, and lead the dance, at least in the early stage.
 
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Discussion Starter #20
Do INFPs usually get jealous? And how would an INFP girl show attraction? Who would have to be the initiator between an INTJ and INFP? :)
They are potentially the most intensively jealous of all types.

She would show romantic interest behaving exactly like she has behaved (by your relation).

It's the INTJ who has to break the ice, and lead the dance, at least in the early stage.
I learned a lot of new things about the INFP these last days :) They seem like truly amazing and interesting ppl.

I think she maybe got a little jealous because everytime someone would talk to me, she would quickly turn around, eavesdrop, and stare at the other person really annoyed :p I noticed that lol. I find it very cute :)

That will probably be the hardest thing, because I’ve only dated ENFP’s till now, but I would prefer an I type. I think I have a plan. Wish me luck! :)
 
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