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I've been trying to pay more attention to unconscious attitudes and behaviors in an attempt to gain some more clarity about why I've been so blocked from seeing the future as anything but an insipid haze (which, as we all know, is a bizarre experience for INTJ).

Analyzing dream content is one strategy. Not the dreams that excite and delight or frighten and haunt. I'm looking at the mundane ones. The mundane ones, I've discovered, are where I hide the bullshit I don't want to see. They are the most difficult to entertain.

It seems counter-intuitive at first, but when avoidance strategies are built around conjuring the fantastic and ignoring the present, the mundane speaks with more truth.

This is not Fi goo as much as Ni/Se blerg, but yeah.
 

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Will you let them cut their teeth on you, even if it means you will never get to see them take a bite?
 

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Discussion Starter #483
my perspective has changed a lot since i was taking care of my dad. it exposed me to whole rafts of people who do what i specifically elected not to do with my own life 25 years ago: be nice for a living.

and then he died and i returned to my own life. and it's been kind of hard for me to take what i do do seriously, ever since. i'm not sorry i did it - i have this not-at-all-sneaking impression that i was right 25 years ago to know that that wasn't for me. i definitely don't question how much of a natural i have been for the profession i'm in.

but i'm kind of coming to terms with this thought that i was 'born' to do something that really isn't that relevant in the true scheme of things. it's not even about whatever someone else thinks. nobody knows what qa does and i never cared so long as i thought it was cool. which i did. but now i think the real issue is it's not very relevant to me anymore.

trouble is, i sure as fuck don't want to run off and spend the next part of my life caring for leprous orphans or anything. i think i just need to come to terms with the fact that i miss having someone to love.
 

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I have secretly been in love with The Rains of Castamere ever since I first heard it, for reasons I will never admit to anyone in person. Every time I hear that song, it all but invigorates sceneries that once has been, one day could've been, never would've been, and of sceneries that might still come to pass. It invigorates paths and characters that blur certain lines that ought not to be blurred. These are paths and characters that are best forgotten, yet that never truly will stay forgotten, because you and I, although of different parents, of same kin were born and forlorn, are who we are today because of it. You and I should not have been, we almost could've been, and we should not ever be, yet we yearn for it, do we not? It's been almost 35 years since our path was set. Imagine that. Why do we continue down this path? Why don't we try and change it? We do not try to change it, and we never will, as if we know that our path has been cast in stone. As if we know that our path is a curse from long ago that must be fulfilled, one way or another. You suffered the most, or you would eventually, and you have, have you not? I get so madly jealous, and violently angry, whenever I think of certain things. Things that are none of my business, but in a sense is, if you may pardon my claim, because you are a part of who I am. You're the only one left. They're all dead. It's all gone. It must be why you are the only person I hug so dearly whenever I see you. I don't ever hug anyone like that, and I never will, so crushingly, as if pain is the only way to get through to what connects us. You must know it, too.

I secretly hate that song.
 

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I went for a walk yesterday and I saw a bunny and I wanted to pet the bunny and the bunny hopped away like a bunny and decided to be a bunny somewhere else.
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A few weeks ago-go, I was visiting my mom and my meemaw and I was outside and I saw a bumpy toad because I have a detective's eye for detail and the toad hopped at exactly the "wrong" moment (or the "right" moment from my perspective), so I caught the bumpy toad and tickled the bumpy toad, then let the bumpy toad go, and the bumpy toad hopped away and decided to be a bumpy toad somewhere else.
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I think cuddly hoppy creatures make me switch into "ENFP mode."
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