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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there I've been wondering about this for quite a while. Ladies and gentlemen:

#1 do you always have an orgasm when you have sex?
#2 MEN, does your lady gets to finish every time you have sex? if not, how often? 2/3?

I don't like the term of "nice guys finish last", but I enjoy the female orgasm so much that it's like my goal. One friend told me "is it because the macho thing?" WHAT? she said some men need to see an orgasm to feel like men. I laughed, honestly the orgasm is not needed for anyone to enjoy sex, I just enjoy seeing a woman excited, and I enjoy it quite a lot.

In some relationships some women said they were quite happy because the sex life we had was good, great. I started wondering and talking, it turns out in their past, some had orgasms like 5 times out of 10 sex relationships... Me? it's not a "must" but I like it so much and being intj, I focus on learning a lot about my partner body so I can make her enjoy, sure I enjoy it too.

It's just curiosity, I don't think not getting an orgasm all of the times is a bad sign, only if this happens too often (not getting it) then it's not fair.

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1. Almost always. Kegels, yoga, and a strong pelvic floor for the win.
2. To turn this around, it bothers me if he doesn't also have an orgasm. It definitely makes me feel inadequate. I'll admit that there's a perception that it should be "easier" to get a male orgasm, maybe that's an interesting side topic to address...

Not having an orgasm every single time... true, it's not a deal-breaker, but it's not optimal either. At what point is the sex not satisfactory anymore? Given how easy it is for me, if he can't get me there at least half the time we've got problems.
 

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@carlaviii

if he usually does reach climax and it's only certain times that it he "seems" out of it, or doesn't actually get to that point, then i really wouldn't worry about it or take it personally. we (guys) may be biologically hardwired to just spill all over the place, but we do have brains that create emotion and whatnot, and we are forced to interact with parts of the world we'd rather have nothing to do with. this can effectively snip that connection, take our minds somewhere else, and give the appearance that we aren't "into it" (or the relationship for that matter)--but, in most cases, that couldn't be further from the truth.

1) yes, every time i've had sex it ended (although, to reiterate on the point i was making above: there were times when that connection between body and mind was nonexistent and i had to work at it--and the "working at it" had nothing to do with my partner, and everything to do with my own head).

2) yep.

macho?: i guess... afterwards, my body would naturally be more erect and "pumped" (but it is like a workout--i'd be like, "wow... i didn't even know i had muscles and veins in these areas"); i think powerful would be a better word, and it would make sense, since you have just been flooded with a hormonal/chemical cocktail.

liking it: hell yeah, :tongue:! i'll admit, it does make me feel good... but more than that, i liked being able to do it for her. even if i was going to go down on her, and her response was, "oooh, no... i haven't even showered all day"...

i wouldn't even know how to respond, except with "*o_O* ok... i don't care if you don't... co'mere". as if something like that would matter, LOL; i don't give a shit and i don't want the other person giving a one for me, especially if it's something they actually want. same goes for period-sex; a little bit o blood never hurt no one (although not oral, mind you),
 

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I almost always have an orgasm when I have sex.

Orgasm isn't the end goal of sex, of course. But, I tend to orgasm easily and often lol. I've dated someone with delayed ejaculation, though we were able to work with and through it. I didn't feel inadequate because I knew it had nothing to do with me, but sex used to get uncomfortable after a point. By and large, I was very willing to work with that and supported long term therapy. We talked about his past (strict religious upbringing, though he did become an Atheist later) and so on. Things got a lot better, though, over time.
 

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Depends on the partner and the sex. I rarely came during sex with one of my ex-boyfriends, but it was still consistently the best sex I've ever had. With another ex of mine, I came every time, because I used my hands on my clit. I've never had a "g spot" orgasm, although I've tried hundreds of times.
 

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if he usually does reach climax and it's only certain times that it he "seems" out of it, or doesn't actually get to that point, then i really wouldn't worry about it or take it personally. we (guys) may be biologically hardwired to just spill all over the place, but we do have brains that create emotion and whatnot, and we are forced to interact with parts of the world we'd rather have nothing to do with. this can effectively snip that connection, take our minds somewhere else, and give the appearance that we aren't "into it" (or the relationship for that matter)--but, in most cases, that couldn't be further from the truth.
I think it's always worth repeating that despite the stereotypes, men (even young men) aren't just a piece of machinery that goes sproing! ready!

Personally, it's important that he get a good orgasm out of it, not just a "mechanical" one. Which, now and then, proves challenging and points out to me that subtle conditioning to expect a male orgasm during sex. How it defines "the end" of that session -- which is silly when you think about it, but it's what thousands of hours of porn teaches you.
 

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Almost always.

BUT: There can be a difference in, let's call it, "quality". Sounds really horrible and mechanical, hard to find the right words. I'll try it this way:

I'm very in tune with my body. I know what gets me there, and I can "manipulate" it (the vocabulary is getting worse, help!). There is a massive difference however between relying on that, and being completely in tune with your partner. The latter, I experience very strongly with my current partner, but I haven't always experienced it with previous ones. I'd say out of the serious relationships I had, probably with only two others apart from him. That didn't necessarily make the sex as such less physically "pleasant" (sounds awful as well), and I didn't have fewer orgasms, but the connection was a different one.

Does it bother me if I don't have an orgasm? No, not really. It's rare, and if it doesn't happen, it's not a major drama.
Does it bother me if my partner doesn't? Also rare. I think I feel loved enough to know that it doesn't have anything to do with me if it doesn't happen.

I really never perceived it as a problem either way...
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
there were times when that connection between body and mind was nonexistent
I support the mind body thing because it might affect performance and the outcome, sometimes the performance is amazing but the orgasm might not come, both genders. In my case the female orgasm deeply stimulates my mind and I get even more excited, so much that I want to increase both of our pleasure. At times I only focus on that, and some women worry "what about you?" and can't get how much pleasure I got :) without orgasm. But that´s not the topic because we get it more easy, I wonder about how others cope with the case of the woman having less orgasms.

Orgasm isn't the end goal of sex, of course.
Thanks for mention it, I also believe it's not the goal, bringing it up surely brings balance to the discussion because seeking only the orgasm doesn't sound like the perfect idea to me.

Depends on the partner and the sex. I rarely came during sex with one of my ex-boyfriends, but it was still consistently the best sex I've ever had.
That's very interesting. I had one relationship where she OFTEN asked me to NOT focus on getting her orgasm because somehow (we don't know the details) the sex estimulation was really intense and having her orgasm made her pause and stop it, so she often wanted to avoid the orgasm to get some more estimulation, more time... interesting.

I think it's always worth repeating that despite the stereotypes, men (even young men) aren't just a piece of machinery that goes sproing! ready!
Exactly. It's pretty easy to me unless I'm upset about something or disconnected.

BUT: There can be a difference in, let's call it, "quality". Sounds really horrible and mechanical, hard to find the right words.
Ohh that's very important too, diff people can detect diff levels, and diff many things, some other just say "nope, it's always the same", that's intriguing.
 

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I wonder about how others cope with the case of the woman having less orgasms.
*shrug*... i don't know.

... try to connect with her physically. so that way, you're actually aware of what her responses are, what's driving her in the moment... make sure she's ok with you emotionally (you don't want her holding back because of unspoken resentment).

i don't know, really--i guess you have to be willing to have an orgasm through shared experience, instead of just tunneling your vision on her breasts and piston-ing away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
*shrug*... i don't know.

... try to connect with her physically. so that way, you're actually aware of what her responses are, what's driving her in the moment... make sure she's ok with you emotionally (you don't want her holding back because of unspoken resentment).

i don't know, really--i guess you have to be willing to have an orgasm through shared experience, instead of just tunneling your vision on her breasts and piston-ing away.
I'm confused, I wonder how others cope with it, but doesn't mean I'm there, hence my curiosity. I was told "with you it's always win/win" and that opened lots of questions in my mind because I had no idea some people had so few orgasm (women, disorders or health aside) and I'm still intrigued.

But yes, I agree with you, some people just tunnel their vission on the breasts.
 

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The first three times with someone the sex improves each time.
typical is 5-6 orgasms for her spread across those 3 ttimes may e the first time nothing It happens.

i am in a different market I date 40 plus year old ladies who know what they like and I listen to them
 

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I believe sex MUST have an orgasm. I think this is a male genetic trait, surely. When you start doing sexy things with a man's willy, he gets a very deep psychological urge to take it all the way.

My girlfriend honestly sometimes doesn't finish me off, and this is, in my opinion, a serious relationship killer. Surely it's obvious that everyone likes to finish. I always want to bring a girl to orgasm.

I'm yet to find a girl who has this same attitude as me.

I think there are two types of sex. Intimacy sex and orgasm sex. The first is for the true love stage where you're bound to come anyway because you're both so infatuated with each other. Then later when the love dies down, it should be replaced by the simple understanding that sex is for orgasmic pleasure. Y'know, like when you're chilling out watching a movie or something, then suddenly it turns to handies down the panties, and things like that.

My ideal partner should enjoy giving me pleasure as much as I enjoy giving it to her. I'm yet to find someone like that.
 

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The first is for the true love stage where you're bound to come anyway because you're both so infatuated with each other. Then later when the love dies down, it should be replaced by the simple understanding that sex is for orgasmic pleasure. Y'know, like when you're chilling out watching a movie or something, then suddenly it turns to handies down the panties, and things like that.
Got to disagree, here. The love isn't supposed to "die down" -- you mean the infatuation, I think. And even once you've settled into a long term relationship, sex is not just about orgasms. It's about the intimacy, the pleasing each other, and trust.

My ideal partner should enjoy giving me pleasure as much as I enjoy giving it to her. I'm yet to find someone like that.


Totally agree. Good luck in your search.
 

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Got to disagree, here. The love isn't supposed to "die down" -- you mean the infatuation, I think. And even once you've settled into a long term relationship, sex is not just about orgasms. It's about the intimacy, the pleasing each other, and trust.
Yeeeah, I think you're right actually. There's more to it than that. I think the bits I described are just the parts that I'm currently lacking... haha.
 

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I agree with most men here. There are times when I just need to get off. Release the pent up genetic material. But the majority of the time I like to take my time and enjoy whats going on. That being said.

There have been rare occasions where I didn't have an orgasm during sex. VERY FRUSTRATING. Saying that, I usually take every opportunity to help my partner orgasm. But I believe that sex should be about the journey, and not the destination. The orgasm shouldn't be the end all goal.
 
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