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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Seems to me a 5 who wants kids would be the ultimate paradox, since children are by definition totally dependent, a drain on resources (emotional, physical, financial), and sap all your personal time for whatever interests you may have now and for the next eighteen-plus years. Knowing what I know about 5s, I'm sure most would agree. And yet, my 5 says he wants to have a small army someday. He is sx/so, could this explain his desire? Or is he just talking out of his ass to get me in bed? (Don't answer that.) If you're a 5 who wants kids, why, knowing they will likely hinder your freedom and independence? To say the least.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Interesting! Maybe he wants to know what it's like to have kids? Do you know his MBTI? That might make it easier to explain this.

I'm a five too, and having kids is like my worst nightmare, despite the fact that my MBTI is ISFJ...
Yeah, I'm thinking the curiosity factor might be big for him. He's ENTP. As such, he has a lot of ideas. Ideas that often stay ideas, unfortunately. I hope this isn't one of them, though I fear it might be because he is very much a 5 who craves his privacy. Some days I wonder if the married-living-separately arrangement would appeal to him most due to all the space he needs. But we can't have kids and live separately. I feel like there's some dissonance there.
 

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I can see it happen as a biological call, the result of upbringing or sheer curiosity.

I personally don't want kids as I wouldn't be able to provide for them in a satisfying way, they'd drain my energies and resources and I'm not the motherly kind to begin with. Plus, there's a huge genetic likeliness of them having a psychological, behavioral, psychiatric or physical illness due to my genes (and my partner's) and that's something I'd rather avoid. Growing up in an abusive setting didn't exactly help.

Parenting is hard, it implies a readiness and an emotional intelligence that I simply don't have.
Also, my goals are extremely career/studies focused and children would take away from that.

I definitely don't have neither the energy nor the desire to raise a kid.
 

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This makes sense. The original "goal" of all creatures is to procreate. Maybe it's his natural instinct kicking in?
That's a likely possibility.

Even more so if he's either at the peak of his libido (18-22) or old enough for his 'providing' and 'legacy passing' instincts to kick in. It's a stronger urge in women but it's frequent in men as well.
 

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when i was younger i experimented with the idea
so, i dated a couple of females that had children
the results were not favorable
it was then i realized how much time and energy was required
he might be going through the same thing
 

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I agree with you, OP. It seems like five would be the least likely type to want to have children.
 

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I actually do want children. Not now, but when I can provide the resources which will probably be when I'm around thirty. Like Hotaru, I'm worried that they would pick up my mental health issues, as well as self harm habits. However, then, I'm working to become more stable.
 

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Seems to me a 5 who wants kids would be the ultimate paradox, since children are by definition totally dependent, a drain on resources (emotional, physical, financial), and sap all your personal time for whatever interests you may have now and for the next eighteen-plus years. Knowing what I know about 5s, I'm sure most would agree. And yet, my 5 says he wants to have a small army someday. He is sx/so, could this explain his desire? Or is he just talking out of his ass to get me in bed? (Don't answer that.) If you're a 5 who wants kids, why, knowing they will likely hinder your freedom and independence? To say the least.
It’s not a paradox because even 5’s realize not everything is logical. You should realize this too. 5’s are human beings and have natural desires. He’s most likely an Fe user. I only hear this kind of selfishness of not wanting kids for “my” benefit from Fi users, generally.

Having kids isn’t as big of a strain on your time, interests, energy as you think it is. You’re over exaggerating a little. He wants something he can love and care for fully. This should only ever happen when everything else is in order, though; money, career, relationship, etc. should all be in order first. But that’s because I’m an sx/sp.

I would probably off myself if I found out I couldn't have kids. That’s how badly I want them someday, with the right person, under the right circumstances. Someone who understands the greatness in having children and not someone who sees them as a strain on our lives.

I trust my judgment will automatically filter those types of men out.
 

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I feel like 7s would have this problem too. Tending to another persons needs, selflessly? Ugh...no! *runs away* :p

Seriously though, I'm a 7 in a relationship with a 5, and he was the one who expressed the desire to one-day have children first of all. It's not something we have decided on, and, admittedly, the idea freaks me out, lol. I think for him, it's all very conceptual, like, he really has no idea what it would be like to tend to a little human, 24/7. His idea seems pretty detached from reality. I think I need to leave him alone with a baby for a day and see how he get's on. That way he'll get enough "data" to verify whether this is a good idea or not. xD

We decided we are going to get a kitten first and see how that goes. If it's still alive after the first 6 months then maybe we will revisit the idea again, lol.
 

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You should ask him what exactly he thinks parenting is going to be like. He may be of the belief that most of the hard parenting tasks are going to fall on your shoulders while he'll be in charge of playtime, and similar fun light-hearted activities.
 

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I want a child too but im afraid of having one. I want someone to leave behind and give him my all before times change. I think later in life having a child could be hard.

I dont want the responsibilities but still want to spread my genes as nature dictates, after all, I am pleased with myself, therefore a child should fit the world well, if raised in a safe environment.

Soooo split, the thought of having one child with multiple women seems like the ultimate goal for me.

ENTP 5w6, 7w8
 
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And why the heck would we gather all that wisdom for if we didn't want to have kids to transfer it to?
Having kids is my ultimate life goal, someone has to continue my genepool, I even want to teach them personally, otherwise I would just die and all my wisdom and life work would vanish.
 

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I didn't think wanting kids was that weird a thing. I'm a five who wants kids, just like... not unless/until I'm ready for them on my terms.
 

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I have zero desire for children, to the point that I'm not sure why *anyone* would ever want children. At the same time, I do plenty of non-5ish things, like going dancing at bars 3+ nights a week, so surely he's allowed to be non-5ish in this. I'd just make sure he really knows what raising a kid is all about.
 

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I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant with my first. I've always been fairly sure I wanted kids, and the desire was solidified around age 20. I've been with my partner for almost 7 years and I'll be 30 soon - I wanted to wait until we had plenty of time to be selfish and just have time and space for the two of us, and also make sure we both had steady jobs, stability, good home, resources, etc. I think I feel as ready as I'll ever feel, which is never quite ready enough.

That said, the adjustment already is rather startling. There's resentment, not of my partner or the baby, but of the situation - that a huge chunk of my autonomy has already been forcefully taken away (in a different way from actively having a child - in that my body isn't just my own right now). Before becoming pregnant I was very aware and thankful of all the freedom and selfishness I've had and I felt ready to move on to the 'next stage' in life, but it's hard letting go of some things. I do sometimes wish we'd waited a few more months-year, but at the same time I'm really excited that I'll start showing soon, and that in less than 6 months (hopefully) my partner and I will be bringing home a child into a loving family. I know it will be hard, but I do get excited thinking about the two of us as parents. In my job I've facilitated Positive Parenting courses and done a lot of research on parenting and such, and I feel like I'll be a good parent, but I know there will be a lot of personal struggles ahead too. Like it or not, it's a fundamental identity shift.

Actual parenting will be its own minefield of emotions, but you have to remember parenting is not like babysitting a relative or random kid. You get to watch everything with your own kid from the start and help mold and shape them - it's an incredible responsibility but also in incredible privilege.
 
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