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I think I've made the mistake of locking myself into friendships. I haven't really branched out and made an effort to make new relationships since high school. And that was a loooong time ago. Being a military brat I was constantly moving around, never able to make meaningful friendships through elementary and middle school. Tried the whole letter writing bit but it never worked out. I got into the thinking of what's the use if I'm just going to move again?.

So I finally stayed in one place from high school on and I made some pretty good friends however after that I think I was thinking I could just stop there and keep those friends for life. When college came around I often disregarded college mates due to the ones I already had from high school. I think I still do that with people- making room for my old friends and not going out to meet new ones. At get-togethers I tend to stick with the same people and get all awkward when they aren't around. I seem to not be able to be myself with the group when we are mingling with other people in a bigger crowded setting. Not liking big crowds probably plays a big role in that.

Lately I've been feeling friendships with the old group have been becoming more and more strained over time. Conversations have begun to appear more on edge and take more effort to keep going these days. We don't relate as much. Disagreements are going unsaid. I've been ignoring the idea that we aren't alike as much as I thought we were. Idealization at it's worst I suppose. Some days I tell myself I just need to let these people go and move on myself. Disloyalty is the word that emerges from my thoughts as I go over the idea of letting them go. But it isn't disloyal if we aren't as close as we once were. Or as I thought we were. I go over the "good times" but those were long ago when we were hardly even adults. When we hardly knew ourselves.

I guess the only thing left to do is take an extended break from the old group and find other people who share more of my interests. That's going to be tough though with having a full time job and grad school on my plate. But an INFJs got to do what an INFJs got to do right? Heh.
 

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This all sounds really familiar to me. Perhaps someone you didn't really notice before will surprise you and be a good friend for the person you are now. =)
 
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