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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A phrase that's commonly used by people who are trying to lose weight, but after a while of success, they don't seem to be able to get any farther.
That's what I feel like right now.

I don't know what I want to do anymore. I spent a crapload of money on art supplies, but I feel like it isn't worth it because I haven't been drawing that much as of late. I haven't improved in what feels like months, and probably is months. I'm trying to improve, but only half-heartedly. I keep on comparing myself to all of these artists on Tumblr and it's making me feel sick. I need to stop going on Tumblr.
I just hate all of this and I don't feel like there's even any worthwhile topics on here anymore. I feel like it's same stuff that keeps on repeating itself, basically everything seems to be about either relationships or depression, and I don't feel like there's anything significant going on.
My friends aren't of much help either. I either feel like maybe I'm too old or maybe that I'm too immature, and it makes me feel stupid all the time. One of my friends is extremely difficult all the time, and it makes me sick that I'm around her most of the school day. She's also freaking rude half the time and I try to point it out to her, but then she just laughs and continues to do it.
I hate Spring. :bored: I have stupid allergies and I don't feel like the medicine helps that much, and if it is, then I think it's making me lethargic.
I'm so afraid that my interests won't persist for very long, and after spending a lot of time, effort, and cash on them, I won't have anything to show for it. And it sickens me that I care so much about that. I'm disgusted that I can be controlled so much by my fear of myself.
I also want to lose weight but have no motivation for doing so. Things that typically motivate people just don't motivate me. Maybe I need to give myself a monetary reward for losing weight or something. Maybe I'll just buy a bunch of crap that I want, wrap it up, and then give it to myself (because I'm fucking sad) when I reach a goal weight or something.
I don't know. I just don't have any outlet for all of this crap that goes on inside my head so I end up putting it on Tumblr and my head, which usually doesn't work because no one responds to it. I feel like I'm attention seeking on top of all of this.
Seriously, what the heck kind of person is controlled so much by their own fears and insecurities? I'm just scared that I'll just be left here with nothing to show for myself, I don't know what I want to do and all my mom talks about it college and school (and my slowly worsening grades, as well as my B in Science that I have no way of raising, luckily that's not my final grade) and I don't think that's helping. I just hate everything and all of this stupid crap that's going on inside my head, and I just don't know what to do about it. And now I'm contributing to the growing population of depression-related INTP threads.
I HATE thinking sometimes. It just gets me wrapped up in this crazy loop and I'm left running around in circles.
I'm such a hypocrite, too. I can't even take my own advice. What's wrong with me? Why am I having yet another identity crisis? Do I really have to descend down this stupid spiral again? I hate being a teenager!
And I'm sorry if you read all of this. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I hate everything that I do and think.

I also hope this is all grammatically correct.
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