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Practice talking in the mirror. Maybe write something or read from a book.

I think this is more of a self confident issue and realizing that the things you have to say are actually interesting. Not everyone will see that in you, and those probably aren't the type of people who are going to be good friends with you anyways(their loss).

You could also start slow with 1 on 1 interactions such as every interaction with a cashier. Take a deeper breath too to relax and so that your words have weight to them(and you don't run out of gas).
 

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I feel like a moron if I do these things.
Surely you jest. An INTP that feels? Seriously though, if you can't be a moron by yourself, you've got way more problems to consider. How about singing along to your favourite songs really loud!? To practice your vocal range.

I can do that — I just can't hold a real conversation beyond giving short answers (usually one word) needed to complete a transaction.
I'm terrible in random conversations with strangers but I can speak incoherently loudly. Aren't there anon voice/video chats you could use to talk with random strangers? That might be a good place to practice and not have any kind of real world repercussions.
 
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